You're The Reason

Do It For Cam

It was the day of the funeral and I didn't know if I was gon make it through. It's starting to hit me that my brother is really gone. Someone really killed my brother and he ain't coming back.

I was standing at the mirror staring at my necklace that Cam had gotten me for my birthday.

"Janae" I heard Cruz say as he walked in the room and I looked at him through the mirror.

"You ready? Everyone is down stairs waiting"

I looked back down at the necklace and tears just started to fall.

"I can't do this Christian"

"Hey. Look at me" he said turning my head to face him with his hand under my chin, "I know this is hard for you but you gotta do this. Do it for Cam. Do it for you."

He pulled me into a hug and we stood there. He kissed my forehead and pulled away from the hug.

"Aight, you ready?" he held his hand out for me to grab.

I nodded my head and grabbed his hand and we walked downstairs together. Once we got downstairs I saw my family all gathered in the hallway and in the living room.

"Where's Mac?" I asked my parents.

"I don't know. We haven't seen him and he won't answer our calls"

I sighed and walked into the kitchen to call him. The phone rung 3 times before he picked up.

"Mac where are you?"

"I can't do it Nana. I can't watch them bury him."

"Mac you have to. As much as we don't want to, we have to. We have to do this for Cam. Together."

It was silent on the other end.

"Please Mac. I can't do this without you. This is killing me just as much as it's killing you" I said as I started to break down. All of a sudden I felt an arm around my shoulder and pull me into a hug. I looked up and it was Mac.

"Wh-where were you? Where'd you come from?"

"I was in the pool house."

We stood there silent.

"Taylor Gang" he said looking at me, making me crack a smile.

"Taylor Gang"

We left the kitchen and met everyone outside by limo. The whole way to the church we talked and laughed about memories we had with Cam.

During the service I did better than I thought I would. I held it together as best a I could. I knew I had to be strong, especially for Avery who was hysterical. I sat next to her as she held Carter crying her eyes out. I had to ask Cruz to hold him while I consoled her cause she was shaking so much, I didn't want her to drop him.

The hardest part was watching them lower Cam's casket into the ground. That's when I needed someone to console me. Cruz was holding me in his arms to prevent me from falling.

~~~

By the time the services and the repass was over I was exhausted and my head was pounding. I was ready to go home. I was spaced out sitting in the living room.

"Hey Babygirl. How you holding up?" my dad said as he sat next to me.

"I'm doing the best I can" I said shrugging my shoulders.

"I know you're hurting Babygirl, but as time goes on it'll get a little better. It's never going to be completely better but it'll be a little easier. Just know that he is always with you and looking over you all the time. You will always be his baby." he pulled me into his chest as I laid my head on his chest.

He laughed, "you would've thought you was his daughter. When your mother got pregnant with you he wasn't too happy at first, but once you were born he was all about you. He was so protective over you, he mad me sick," he said as I smiled.

"I just miss him so much" I said as I started to break down again.

"I know. I miss him too." he hugged me tighter.

We stayed like that for what seemed like forever until my mother walked in with everyone else behind her.

"Baby, you staying here?" she asked causing me to look at the time. It was going on 10 o'clock.

"No. I'm gonna go home" I said grabbing my bag and my keys off the couch.

"I'm bringing you home" my dad said as he stood up too.

"It's aight Black I got it" Christian said.

"Good looking out" he dapped him up.

My mother walked over to be and gave me a tight hug. We stood there for a while just hugging each other. We both needed this, we needed each other. She finally released me from the hug.

"We're gonna get through this together baby. It's not gonna be easy but we got each other."

I nodded and walked to the door with Christian following behind me with Bam's carseat in his hand.

The entire ride to my house was quiet. I was just staring out the window at nothing. When he pulled up in front of my house we just sat there. I felt him grab my hand and give it a squeeze as he laid his head back on the head rest. I felt numb and I couldn't move.

"Aight lets get you in the house so I can get him home" Bam was so quiet I almost forgot he was in the car with us.

Christian started to unbuckle Bam before I stopped him.

"No, don't wake him."

"I'm gonna walk you in and make sure you good" he said still unbuckling him.

"Kenon" he stopped and looked at me.

"I'm good. You can watch me from your car."

"Are you sure? Cause I don't mind"

"I'm sure" he stood there staring down into my eyes for what felt like forever. It felt like he could see into my soul.

"I'm going to be fine. Just buckle him back up and go home."

I could tell he really didn't want to not walk me in but he also didn't want to wake Bam up. He reluctantly buckled him back in and shut the door. He then leaned against the car pulling me into him with his hands around my waist.

"I know you aint aight Janae"

"I'm not, but I will be eventually. And I just want to be alone right now. I've been around people all day and I haven't had time to myself."

"Aight" he sighed and pulled me into a hug and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you"

"Aight get in the house"

"Text me when you make it home"

He made sure I got in the house before beeping and pulling off.

I made my way upstairs and ran a nice hot bath, stripping out of my clothes. I tied my hair up and eased into the tub. The hot water felt good against my tense body. I laid there with my eyes closed for a while before getting in the shower. After getting out the shower I put lotion on my body, put on my tank top and booty shorts and got in my bed.

I laid in my bed crying while holding a picture of me, Mac, and Cam at my sweet sixteen.

My phone vibrated knocking me out of my thoughts. It was Christian.

Bestfrann 😒😘: Home. I know you want some time to yourself and even though I don't like it I'll give you that. But if you need anything and I mean anything call me. Idc what time of day it is you better call me! I'll call you in couple of days to check up on you and you better answer! Bam and I love you Janae. 😘

Me: I love you both too! Good night!