"Fear makes us feel our humanity." -Benjamin Disraeli
Chapter 12
Something seems to have Harry distraught. All morning and currently, he seems so distant. I want to confront him but he seems so out of it. I am waiting for him to just break out, let everything loose, not let anything hold him back. He deserves to let his anger out; I just don't want him to do it on me.
I have offered him food but he turns it down. He paces the living room, mumbling things to himself that I don't understand. I carefully observe him, occasionally seeing sweat build up on his forehead. He looks like he is going to get caught and we are all going to die, but that's not it.
I walk to the bedroom and sit on the bed, grabbing my phone and reading all the messages on my phone. I don't reply to any of them but feel like my heart is about to break when I see one from Jess. She's in the hospital still and just wants me safe.
I start to look through my Facebook but I am brought out of everything when I hear a smash in the other room. I immediately get off the bed and run to the other room. I see the vase with flowers now smashed to the ground. I walk around and to the kitchen, listening to cabinets closing violently.
He is swearing to himself and I walk in, noticing his bloody hand and a plate in his hands. He smashes it on the ground and I walk over to him, putting my hand on his back. His back tenses but soon relaxes after he lets out an agonizing yell. I turn him around and his sweaty curls press into my neck. His arms wrap around my body and he cries into my neck. I place one hand on the back of his head and massage his bare back with the other.
"Everything's okay Harry. It's okay."
He cries more and I don't even know why. He holds me tightly to his body, his tears covering my shoulder, his bloody hand on my waist. I feel like I am comforting a scared child; he's so upset and scared about what I am assuming is my father. I don't want him to be afraid though, we are a team and we can get through this.
"H-He called me. H-He called me and- and I don't know what to do," he choked, his lips brushing my neck. His tears keep falling and his strong arms keep me pulled to him. It all makes sense now, considering that my father doesn't know about us.
"What did he say?" I whisper, my fingers twisting his damp curls. His hair is curlier without his gel in and he looks younger. I don't think I have ever seen someone so beautiful as him before. The way he effortlessly looks amazing is something I am jealous of.
"H-He asked where I was and wanted to meet up with me because he knew I killed them. He knew because I have wanted to kill half those people since I started. I just don't want you to leave me because of him."
I didn't pay attention to anything after 'meet up with me'. My father wants to talk to Harry and I don't want that. I can't have Harry talk to my father and I can't risk my father seeing me. He has scarred me for life and I never want to see him again.
"I didn't tell him anything. He just went on and on about you though. He said that I need to find you and bring you to him. He wants you to be my next assignment."
I bring my hands off his back and head and stand still. He looks up at me and I look straight forward, not wanting to see him. His arms tighten around me and my face is placed on his chest.
"I hung up right after because there is no way I could do that. Not to you because you mean too much to me."
I was still frozen. I can't think straight anymore. My father has poisoned our minds and I don't know where my safe haven is anymore. I'm not safe. I can't understand why I am a target. My father would be the only one to try and find me just to kill me. He's a psychopath and needs help.
I try to back out of Harry's arms, a single tear falling on my chest as I do so. My eyes fill with tears and blur my vision. I don't know what to do or where to go; I just know that I can't stay here.
"Baby no. I won't talk to him."
Except I can't think. My father will find some way to brainwash Harry and I won't be able to be with him. I want Harry more than anything, but this has gotten out of control.
"Harry I need to leave. I need to think about this."
"I won't let you go without a fight."
Harry tightens his arms as I try to leave, restraining me from going anywhere. I lose all my strength and Harry pulls me into his chest. He wraps one arm around my waist and the other has hand placed on the side of my head. I cry and I continue to get out of his grip. He holds me tighter every time and I just stop. He holds my head in his hand and keeps his arm around me.
"Please calm down. I know just please."
He kisses the top of my head and I cry, standing still, not willing to be comforted by him.
"I am not letting you run out of here. The police will find you and take you away from me. I will never see you again."
I choke out another sob and he holds me closer. He brushes some of my hair back and I close my eyes. His fingers continually brush through my hair and I can't bare my fear anymore. I look up at him and his tears are falling quickly and I can't bring myself to wipe them away.
I back away from him, gripping his arms, and walk down the hall. I can hear him following me but I just simply walk to the bedroom. I walk into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I grab a towel and set it next to the tub. I run myself a bath and take off my bloody shirt and shorts, setting them by the door. I put my hair into a bun on the top of my head and quickly wash my face. I turn the water for the bath off and take off my underwear. I step into the hot water and sit, letting the warm water sooth my body.
I am scared. I don't understand why all of this bad has to be in my life. I thought Harry was my escape but I soon realized he isn't. He has to kill me because my father told him to. My father wants me dead.
I don't understand how my father would want me dead after seeing him kill my mother. Perhaps that is the reason. I just don't want my life to end so early. I had my one chance at happiness and that was Harry. I thought he would treat me well and protect me, but instead my father has him kill me.
I rest my head against the tile in the bathroom and close my eyes. I feel horrible and upset. My boyfriend is a killer and I should have known this would happen. I should have been careful with him instead of diving right in. I am a stupid hormonal teenager who jumped at the thought of being with an attractive boy.
I unplug the tub and stand up, wrapping a towel around my body. I step out and grab the door handle. I open the door and I am met by a set of hands on my waist. Harry forcefully presses his full lips to mine and they immediately mold together, igniting my body in sparks. I try to restrain from kissing him back and I seem to be doing an okay job. Harry pulls away, his forehead placed on mine, his breath on my lips.
"I can't stand to see you afraid of me."
His words break my heart and I close my eyes. I grip the towel tighter in my hands and he keeps his hands on my waist.
"I don't know what else to do. There isn't anything I can do and I know you're scared, just please, stay with me."
I shake my head and let a single tear escape my eyes.
"Why? Why Mack? I want you to be happy. The world is dangerous and you will get hurt. Stay here with me and we will be happy. I want to show you how much I care and how much I want you. Your father means nothing to me and his words don't stand a chance to my feelings. I want you."
"My father is after me and if I stay with you, I am in danger."
"You know I won't let anything hurt you. Your father is the danger of this all and I won't let him come close to you. You are my main priority and I won't have him come between what we have Mack. We are young and we can handle ourselves. You are mine and I will do anything for you."
I look down and cry. I have nothing because I am nothing. I am involved in a game that I don't want to play. Harry's the joker and my father is the king. Harry is being told what to do by my father and I am here on the side, watching as the one I care about gets hurt.
"You have to kill me," I choke. His face drops all emotion and he stares into my eyes. He moves his head down to my neck and he places kisses all around the skin.
"I will never kill anyone I care about."
I let the tears fall from my cheeks and his hands travel up my sides to my shoulders. I unintentionally place one of my hands on his chest and one of his hands moves to the nape of my neck. He tilts my head more and starts to suck on my neck.
"No one is laying a hand on you. You're mine," he whispered in my ear. I close my eyes, letting his lips continue to suck in the soft skin of my neck.
"Please," I whisper. I move my head and he moves his lips on my face. He kisses every inch of my face and ghosts his lips over mine.
"What can I do Mack? I will do anything for you."
His eyes close and I eventually close mine. His lips kiss the tip of my nose and I breathe in. He brings his other hand to my cheek and rubs his thumbs against my cheekbones. I take my hand off his chest and let it lay by my side.
"Give me time and I will come back."
He sucks in a breath and I open my eyes. He lets go of my cheeks and nods slightly, the pain in his eyes evident.
"I-I only want a couple hours and I will come back. I just need to think about things."
He nodded and backed away. "There is a wig or something in there. I just want you to stay safe and be careful."
I nod and walk into the closet. I put on some of my clothes and look through the disguises. I take out a blonde wig and put it on, making it look as realistic as possible. I pop in a set of blue contacts and take a deep breath. I am doing this for myself. I need to figure out what to do.
I walk out of the closet and grab my phone off the bed. I stick it in my back pocket and walk to the door. I am about to leave the house when Harry grabs my hand. I turn and face him.
"I hate you leaving me."
I remain silent and he takes a piece of my hair in his fingers. He closes his eyes and sighs after I stay quiet.
"Please come back or call me if you need anything."
I nod and he kisses my forehead. I take one last glance at him before walking out into the cloudy night. I walk to the end of the street and look through the misty streets for a bar. I don't have anywhere else to go and I really need to clear my mind from everything going on. I want to just have a small soda and think about everything going on. I need time.
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