Lost for You

Chapter 24

Jamies POV:

The drive to Zayns was pretty short and by the time I got there, there were already several other cars. Luckily Ty wasn't going anywhere and wanted to stay home, so I was able to borrow his car though I should probably start looking for one next week. Zayn had invited a few people over for a BBQ and a few drinks since it was sunny afternoon and I was glad to get out of the house. The entire week after the party was horrible. I kept seeing Harry around Uni with Olivia and he did his best to ignore me, and I him. It was obvious we were both avoiding eachother and even though I was dodging him too, it still frustrated me that he didn't even have the decency to at least try explain things to me, whatever it may be. Even if he just admitted that it was all just fun and games to him, I would prefer that rather than nothing. He's just blank with me now.

The front door is open when I get to the top of his house so I slowly walk in and call out.

"Zayn? Lauren?" I say taking a few more steps, making my way to the back of the house as I can hear a little bit of music along with the sizzling noise of something cooking.

"In here!" Laurens familiar voice calls out and I follow it to the kitchen where she is cutting up some veggies.

"Hey" I smile and put down the plastic bag full of strawberries I bought on the way here. Lauren said not to bring anything but I felt rude not to.

"Hello" she beams, walking over to me, giving me a small hug.

"You look pretty" I compliment, looking down at her cute dress, "Very summery".

"Thank you" She smiles shyly and returns back to the chopping board.

"I told you not to bring anything" she raises her eyebrows as if to say I'm in trouble.

"Sorry I couldn't help it" I say innocently, "Is there a bowl I can put them in?"

"Yeah just in that cupboard" She says pointing near the fridge and I walk over to collect one.

"So who's here?" I ask, washing the strawberries under the tap.

"Umm... A few of Zayns friends that I haven't actually met before but they seem cool. Katy's here, Sam's here, Niall and Louis are here..."

Oh god no, please don't say Harrys here with them.

"Harry is not here" she continuous her list, smiling at me as she realises what I had assumed seeing as they are flat mates, "and Liam and Jake are here".

"Jakes here?" I ask, feeling a little guilty.

I hadn't spoken or seen him since the party. After Harry had left me stranded outside, I left not long after with my brother in a Taxi though I had promised to Jake I would keep in touch. Ty said he didn't mind me going out with Jake which surprised me as I never even thought of it as that. I don't know what I thought about it to be honest. I suppose it was nice when I kissed him that night, until Harry came over and ruined it.

"Yup" she smiles cheekily before throwing a small tomato in her mouth.

"Don't give me that look" I warn which makes her smile even more.

"What? He's nice guy.... You're a nice girl... And maybe the two of you could be..like.. nice together" she teases.

"Stop it" I try to say seriously but I end up giggling a little.

"I'm just saying" she shrugs though I can see the small smile in the corner of her mouth.

"What are you girls doing hiding in here!" Sam says entering the kitchen gaining both our attention.

"Hello Jamie" she says giving me a small kiss on the cheek as her greeting and I smile back at her.

"We were just about to come out" Lauren says, picking up her bowl of salad and I follow close behind with the strawberries as we walk to the back patio where a dozen or so people are milling around.

A huge amount of food is already laid out on a long table which a few people are sitting at and eating while others stand around talking. There's music playing in the background which a few people are moving to as they casually drink their wine or beer. I'm pretty sure it's 'The Naked and Famous' but I'm not 100% sure.

"Come eat" Sam says pulling out the chair next to her as she takes a seat next to Katy whom I give a quick hello to.

I'm not as close with Katy as I am with Sam and Lauren but she's still a nice girl.

I pick at a couple of strawberries while us girls make small talk as I'm not very hungry. I mistakingly ate a huge breakfast with Ty this morning, not thinking about the fact that I was coming here this afternoon.

Katy seems to have a new job at some rock'n'roll music store which I can completely see her fitting in with easily with her new small nose stud and long lilac hair. The colour suits her small petite face though it still gives her a cool edgy look.

"So what's happening with you and Harry?" She asks and I'm annoyed instantly even though it's not her fault. I haven't kept her informed on anything that has been going on though she must of heard a thing or two.

"Nothing" I shrug trying to keep calm.

"Oh really I thought you two had something going on?"

"Nope" I say grabbing another strawberry and look towards the BBQ area where Zayn and Louis seem to be cooking something though I don't know if we need anymore food. There's plenty here as it is. Typical boys though. Always cooking more than they can manage.

"Didn't you guys have a little something though?" Katy pushes further and I feel instantly angry at her persistance.

Can't she see I'm trying to avoid that subject.

"Who cares. He's and asshole" Lauren answers for me and I'm glad she puts a stomper on the topic.

I turn to her and give her a small smile of appreciation which goes unnoticed by Katy. Why is she being so pushy?

"Girls!" Louis says walking over to us, football in hand, "How about joining us lads in a game eh?"

I look over to the large grass area where several boys are already mucking about with another ball.

"No" Katy scoffs and walks off in to the house before anyone can push her any further.

"No thanks" Lauren smiles sweetly, Sam and I nodding at her statement.

"Oh c'mon babe" Zayn says walking over from the BBQ, "Whats a little harmless game of football ae. I promise we'll go easy on yas" he says looking at the three of us.

"What's the point? Guys always hog the ball anyways" she argues and it's mostly true.

A boys competitive streak kicks in during a game and all they focus on is winning which usually means excluding the girls.

"No we don't" Louis defends and all three of us girls raise our eyebrows as if to say Yeah right.

Louis takes a few more moments to think about what Lauren had just said and soon enough begins nodding his head, "OK fine. We do hog the ball but we'll be nice this time. I swear it's just for fun"

"I'm warning you now, I suck" I admit truthfully standing to my feet and Lauren lets out a huge sigh as she realises I'm actually going to play.

I don't really mind playing it's just I will actually be useless and probably end up falling on my face.

"Fine" Lauren says quietly, standing to her feet, Zayn obviously happy with her participation.

"That's the spirit ladies!" Louis beams, "Well c'mon then Sam, don't let the girls down"

"I'll just watch" she states, putting up her feet up on my now empty seat to make it obvious she isn't moving anywhere.

"Alright. C'mon then" Louis says talking to Lauren and I.

"Stay with me" Lauren whispers as we follow Louis and I'm guessing she's dreading this just as much as I am.

We walk onto the grass which has at least ten boys, most of which I don't recognize aside from Liam, Niall and Jake.

"Hey" I smile politely to the three boys, trying hard not to let my eye contact linger too long with Jakes, and they all give us a small "hey" in return.

"Got roped into playing then?" Liam smiles.

"Yup" we both sigh at the same time.

"Alright Lads!" Louis shouts out to everyone and we all walk towards him to hear what's happening.

"So, Zayn and I have made up the teams as well as the rules. Normal soccer rules apply except if the girls get a goal it means double points and they're allowed off side" Louis says smiling at us as if he's proud of his decision though I don't actually know what off side even means.

"Do you know what off side means?" Lauren whispers and I laugh.

"No but that's exactly what I was thinking about" I say and immediately shut up when I hear Louis call my name.

"Jamie, Liam, Niall, Cam, and Matt, you guys are on my team. Lauren, Jake, Toby, Alex and Dylan you're on Zayns team. So lets get to it!" he says and the teams immediately split off onto their 'Team Leaders' side.

"Alright guys, the team tactic is there is not team tactic" he announces and I'm fine with that. If there was any sort of plan of attack I'll definitely mess it up.

"Jamie you're at the front with me and Liam love" he says gesturing me towards him.

"Uhm can't I just stand quietly at the back or something?' I say looking back to the others behind us, Niall now taking the goalie position in front of the mini goal.

"No don't be silly. We don't want it to just be us lads hogging the ball all the time now do we?" he says mocking Laurens previous statement.

"Just don't expect anything miraculous from me" I say moving a few steps away from him and end up standing directly in front of Jake who stands on his side of the field.

"Ready to lose Jamie?" he says playfully and I can't help but notice how good looking he is.

His dark hair is styled perfectly once again but is mainly covered by a black bowler hat. He has a piercing in his top left eyebrow which I never noticed before and though he is an average height, he is quite muscular. His olive skin still holds a purple tinge on his cheek from Harry's fist but it is barely noticeable anymore.

"I dunno. I'm pretty good" I tease and he smiles.

Before I know it the games start and all the boys are moving around in a mad rush. I decide to stand near the side as the boys do quick passes between eachother, scoring a couple of times every few minutes.

"Jamie!" Liam yells out and I see he's about to pass the ball to me.

Oh god.

The ball reaches my feet and I surprisingly stop it though I can see Jake moving to me fast.

I panic and pass it straight to Louis who is on the left side of the goal and he automatically shoots and scores.

Small amount of cheers come from our team and Louis runs over to me, giving me small pat on the back.

"Nice pass. Told ya you'd be fine" he smiles and I shake my head at him as I know it was a complete fluke.

We resume our places back to half way as Zayn kicks off for his team, passing it back to Lauren who gasps at his decision. She looks around, no one's going to attack her though she looks nervous anyway. She eventually passes it to Jake who is standing only a few meters in front of me.

Oh great, I know I'm going to have to tackle him though I have no idea how.

I walk up to him slowly while he begins running with the ball and in seconds he's dribbled around me. I didn't even get the chance to try and get it. I might as well be a cone for him to fancily manoeuvre around. He passes it on to some random guy who shoots and scores.

"Alright swap goalies" Niall says obviously sick of his position. He swaps with some guy with shaved blonde hair and it seems the other team decides to switch goalies too.

Jake now stands as the goal while a small guy takes his place in front of me.

I look over at Lauren who gives me a nervous look and I laugh as we both have no idea what the hell we're doing. We've only touched the ball a couple of times and I suppose it's been fine but I still don't feel as though I'm doing much.

"Last point wins!" Louis announces as it is now 5 all.

"Go straight to the goal" he says to me behind his hand and I nod as I understand his instructions. As soon as he kicks off to Liam, I jog up closer to the goal though I don't stand too close as the ball is down near our end. Louis manages to tackle the ball of Zayn before booting it down towards me where I am standing in empty space with no one around. I stop the ball and turn to the goal where Jake is standing, he's kneeling over slightly, anticipating my shot.

"Shoot!" Louis yells out to me and I push the ball forward slightly before kicking it as hard as I can, holding the sides of my dress so it doesn't flow up.

The ball goes quite fast though it hits Jake straight in his privates and I regret touching the ball instantly. He keels over in pain and just as I'm about to go help him Louis yells out to me, "Shoot again!".

I look back at him and shake my head. He's crazy of he thinks I'm going take advantage of the opportunity.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to I swear it. I just randomly aimed" I begin to fluster as I kneel down next to him.

"It's OK. It was a good shot" he smiles up at me and I feel a little bit of guilt leave though I still feel bad.

Within a few seconds Louis comes waltzing up behind us and kicks the ball into the goal.

"No room for sympathy around here love" he jokes, "You alright mate?"

"Yeah I'm good" Jake replies.

"Give the boys a bit of a rest before you come over then ae" Louis says reffering to Jakes privates before walking off with everyone else who are already making their way back to the patio.

"You OK to walk?" I ask.

"Umm... I might just sit here for a bit ae" he says and I can tell he's still in pain even though he's trying to keep calm.

"I'm really sorry" I say sitting next to him and he smiles at my apology again.

"So where are you from?" I ask trying to make small talk as we wait for him to regain his strength.

I noticed he had an accent before but I could never quite guess what.

"'I'm from Australia. I moved over here a few years ago with my brothers but the rest of my family stayed in Melbourne"

"Why'd you guys move over here?" I say while mindlessly picking at the grass.

"I dunno, change of scenery I guess. We had all finished school and just decided to come over. What about you? Where are you from?"

"I lived here when I was younger for a while though I moved to Canada with my Uncle then came back to study here with Ty"

"So how do you know Harry?" he asks and I see he's a little wary about the question as he looks down to the grass in between his legs that are bent.

"He use to be my neighbour when I lived here" I say.

It's strange to think he was also my best friend back then too. In fact he was my only friend. It was always him and I and we would never let anyone join our two person group. That was just the way it was. He was my bestfriend and I his, and that was all that we needed.

"Are you sure he's just your neighbour? He seemed pretty pissed when were umm... on the dance floor" he says looking up at me now with curious eyes. He probably wants to see my reaction at the reminder of us kissing last weekend.

"Yeah I still don't know what that was about" I sigh at the thought of Harry telling me he wanted to talk, only to leave me standing with a million questions.

"Probably something to do with the 'long story'" Jake jokes though I can see he's a little serious.

The fight had nothing to do the kiss. Harry probably just saw it as an opportunity to piss me off even more by ruining my moment with Jake.

"So where are your parents?" he asks.

Oh god this is going to be awkward. I hate bringing this topic up, especially with people I hardly know.

"Uhmm.. they passed away" I smile a little as I see his face fall.

People always have that face when they think they've brought up a sensitive subject. It's not that it's not an easy subject to talk about but I'm not exactly going to start bawling my eyes out at every mention of their death. I think that's what people expect. For me to break down at even a whisper of my parents passing. Although it is hard, I've moved forward in my life so there really isn't much for people to worry about.

"Oh I'm so sorry" he says, his hazel grey eyes full of sympathy.

"Don't worry about it. It was a long time ago" I smile at him again and he seems to relax a little once I begin asking him again about Australia.

We talk for a long time about random things and he's actually really nice. He teases me a little about my bad kicking aim and I sarcastically pretend like I did it on purpose which leads him to say we can practise together some time. He's very sweet and cheeky which keeps me giggling through out the conversation.

Before I know it the sun is setting and the sky has turned into a soft pink and purple, the night sky coming in quick.

"Maybe we should go join the others" he stands up in front of me and reaches his hand out for me to take, pulling me to my feet also.

The rest of the group are all surrounding the table and are in deep conversation about some beach party they are all going to in a few weeks.

"Oh finally decided to come join us did ya?" Liam teases, folding his arms as if he's been waiting a long time and all eyes are suddenly on Jake and I as we stand awkwardly in front of everyone.

I feel my cheeks flush a little red so I go inside the house to avoid everyones gaze.

"So...." Lauren says entering the kitchen while I pour myself a glass of water to cool down.

"So.....??" I mimick her in question.

"So what's Jake like?" she says taking a seat on the bench chair.

"He's nice" I shrug not really thinking much about it.

"He's nice, That's it?" Sam asks as she walks in, taking a seat next to Lauren.

"Yeah? What else do you want me to say?" I ask as they look up at me expectantly.

"Well, are you interested in him?" Sam raises her light brown eyebrows over her wine glass as she takes a small sip.

"Ummm, I don't know. That's the first time I've really talked to him" I say honestly and they both let out a huge sigh.

"What?"

"We were just thinking that maybe it would be good for you to hang out with Jake a little more" Lauren shifts in her seat.

"What do you mean?" I ask and the two of them give eachother a small look. Why are they so concerned about me hanging out with Jake. It's not that big of a deal.

"Well, we've noticed that you've been acting different since the whole Harry thing" Sam says cautiously and I can't help but let out a small sigh.

"And we completely understand. Harry was your best friend and he screwed you over so badly but we hardly see you except in class. And even then you still seem distant. Last weekend was the first time we really saw the old fun you come back out" Sam continues and I'm a little shocked by what she's said.

I didn't realise I was acting that way. I guess they're right. Up until last weekend I had convinced myself that I was over the hurt that Harry had inflicted. But that was just on the surface. Deep down I was sore at the thought of my best friend hurting me like that. I trusted him with everything yet he tore me to pieces. I was acting as best as I could to behave normal but the truth was I missed him. As much as he hurt me I miss him. It's more that I miss my best friend more than anything and there's nothing I can do to push away the feeling.

"You're right" I admit, leaning my elbows down on the bench and let out a huge sigh.

"We are?" they both say, surprised at my own admittance.

"Yeah. I'm still hurting if I'm completely honest, but I never wanted to say it out loud because it makes me sound so stupid"

"You're not stupid!" Lauren says getting up from her seat.

She comes over and gives me a huge hug and a small tear falls from my eye.

I wipe it away quickly though Lauren and Sam both notice.

"Jamie please don't bottle this stuff up inside of you. If you ever need to talk to me or Sam about anything just come over anytime"

"I will" I nod.
.
She's right. I do keep things to myself. The only person I ever use to tell my secrets to or share my feelings with was Harry and now he's no longer my friend so I have to learn to open up to other people. It's going to be hard as I'm use to putting on a game face to show people they can't hurt me but sometimes it's too much.

"You know what you need, to just get back up on that saddle!" Sam beams and both Lauren and I laugh at her sick comment.

"Oh my god Sam she's not just going to go throw herself at any old boy!" Lauren smiles, her arms still wrapped around my back.

"It helped me" she raises her glass and we all laugh.

I wouldn't ever call Sam a slut but she sure loves to have fun with a boy or two.

"You alright girls?" Zayn asks entering the kitchen with a few empty bottles of beer which he puts staright on to the bench.

"Yeah" we all say at the same time which makes Zayn chuckle.

"We're going down to the pool in a sec if you wanna join us" He offers before walking up stairs.

"Oooh bikini time" Sam shrills.

"You going to come?" Lauren asks, giving me small squeeze before she lets go.

"I didn't bring any togs. But I'll come down and watch anyway" I shrug not really minding missing out on a swim.

"I have something you can borrow" Lauren offers while Sam and I follow her down some hall.

"Oh thanks but I don't think I should"

"Why not?"

"uhmm.. my monthy friend is overdue by like a week" I say quietly, hoping no guy is standing around the corner somewhere.

"Oh pregnant!" Sam says sarcastically throwing her head back.

"Oh my god no. It always comes a week early or a week late so I don't really want to go in the pool just incase" I defend but almost laugh at Sams joke though I stop myself when I walk past a large familiar bathroom.

My stomach drops immediately and I quicken my pace to move past it as the last time I was in there I was with Harry and we were...

"Just use a tampon. That way if it comes when you're in the pool you'll be fine" Sam explains.

I suppose she has a point. I could just dip my feet in at least.

"OK" I agree as we walk into a bedroom, "This is nice" I say looking around at the huge room that is dimply lit by a blue floor lamp.

"Thanks. It's my temporary room while Zayns parents are here. They're leaving next week so i'll be back up with him once they're gone" she smiles.

"So have you guys umm.. you know" Sam raises her eyebrows at Lauren and her face turns bright red.

"Here's your togs" Lauren says quickly throwing a bikini at me. She then runs in to the ensuite to get changed leaving me and Sam laughing at her quick response to avoiding the question.

-

"I'm just going to watch" I say to the girls as they ask me to go jump off the stone wall with them and into the deep pool. Most of the guys are already trying to one up eachother by seeing who can do the best trick off the wall.

I'm wearing one of Laurens bikinis but the top doesn't really keep my boobs in so I covered it up with a small top. I'm thinking if I jump off that wall, my top will probably come flying off along with the small bikini, revealing my top half to everyone around.

The girls finally jump off hand in hand, screaming all the way until they hit the water and I give them a small clap once they resurface.

"You coming in?" Jake says taking a seat next to me on the poolside. He's shirtless and soaking wet as he's already been flipping off backwards into the pool a few times.

"I don't think so" I say moving my feet around the surface of the water.

"Why not?" he smiles before getting back in and I just shrug.

"C'mon" he says splashing my feet with his hands but I shake my head and give him a small smile.

He splashes me again and it goes all over my legs.

"No don't!" I squeal but he starts splashing with full force now and within seconds I am almost fully soaked.

I look down at myself in shock as my body is covered in water.

"Sorry" he smiles cheekily and I can tell he's not.

I see no point in me trying to stay dry now. I jump in to the water and push his shoulders down so he's fully submerged then swim to the side to get back out. That should teach him leson.

Before I know it my body is being lifted up from behind and all of a sudden I'm the one under the water.

I stand back up and gasp for air only to find Jake laughing at me.

I splash him immediately in the face which he wipes away with his hands and continues laughing.

"You're not funny" I say trying not to laugh but I can't help it.

"I'm sorry" he says a little more seriously now and I can feel a shift in the mood between us. We both fall silent and the distance between us decreases soon enough though I don't know if I was moving to him or he me.

"I really like you Jamie" he says quietly so only I can hear though the pool is so huge and we are around a small curve in the pool that I doubt anyone will be able to hear or see us.

"Really?" is all I can think of to say as I have no idea what I'm doing.

I was just crying over Harry half an hour ago in the kitchen and now I'm in the pool with Jake. But maybe I need to listen to the girls. Jake is really easy to get along with so maybe I should just go with it.

He nods at me and moves closer though I stay as I am which leaves us standing face to face.

He leans in slowly and my heart begins to race. Not because I'm excited but because I'm scared about what I'm doing. Is this right? Should I be moving on so quickly even though I just admitted I'm still hurt.

I don't take much time to think about what I'm doing so instead I lean in a let my wet lips meet his once again ....

--

-5 days later-

"So how was your little date with Jake on Wednesday?" Lauren asks while painting her nails on my bedroom floor.

"It was nice" I answer mindlessly as I continue curling my hair.

Lauren and I are going out for dinner with Sam as she apparently has some exciting news to tell us.

"Where'd you guys go?"

"We went out for lunch at this really nice cafe and then went for a walk along the beach."

"Very cute" Lauren smiles up at me in the mirror.

"He wanted to go for a spur of the moment swim but I refused cause I still haven't gotten my period. But I didn't tell him that!" I say as Laurens eyes widen a little.

"You still haven't got it?"

"No"

I look at Lauren in the mirror and she stares at me with a stern expression.

"What?"

"Are you sure there isn't any chance that you might be.. umm.. I dont know... pregnant?" she asks hesitantly and I laugh it off as soon as she says it.

"No way!" I say laughing though her expression remains serious and I soon stop.

"Were you on the pill while you were with Harry?" she asks, standing to her feet, putting the nail polish back into my small draw.

"No" I say shaking my head, "But we were safe and only did it a couple of times".

"And you were safe every single time?" she says folding her arms in a serious manner and I feel scared immediately.

"Yes. I think so..." I say searching my thoughts and my mind immediately rushes back to Zayns house. The dinner party, Chris, Harrys hands under the table, the bathroom...

"Oh god" I moan into my hands, "Maybe not every time".

I had forgotten about the fact that we didn't use a condom that one time we were in the bathroom at Zayns parents dinner party. I was so caught up in the moment I didn't even think about it.

"Umm ok what do you mean?" Lauren says and I can hear the panic in her voice.

"I mean there was one time we weren't safe" I sigh looking up at her and her eyes widen.

"But people have irregular periods all the time right? Especially when your stressed out, it can go all weird can't it?" I say looking to Lauren for confirmation but she just shrugs.

"I have no idea but I think it'll be worth checking" she says gently.

"Checking what? There's nothing to check. I'm not pregnant" I laugh nervously and I can feel my heart beat accelerating at the thought of this being true.

"I think you should just make sure. We can go down to the supermarket and get some home pregnancy tests and then at least you'll know"

Oh god this can't be happening.

"OK" I reply quietly as terror shakes through my body.

How is this happening?!

I stay silent as we drive to the supermarket, keeping my thoughts on a psycholoy assignment that is due next week. Even though I've already gone over the assignment a dozen times in my head, I would rather that than to think about what we're doing right now.

We park up at the supermarket and I couldn't get out of the car fast enough. I just want to get this over and done with. I know I'm not pregnant but I still have that small bit of doubt looming over my head.

I grab a basket and we go in search of the pharmaceutical isle. There a few pregnancy tests on the shelves and I get shivers just looking at them. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I have no idea what I'm looking for and neither does Lauren so we decide to get one of each.

"I don't want to do this" I say, looking in to the plastic bag that contains 3 boxes and Lauren starts the car up.

"No one is at Zayns if you want to go there and take them rather than at your house with Ty being there and all" she suggests and I nod in agreement.

I don't want to do it all but I'd rather it be some place where no one else is around except for Lauren.

It only takes a few minutes before we're at Zayns house. Lauren unlocks the front door with her key that Zayn gave her a few weeks ago and enters the security code before we go inside.

I follow Lauren in to the kitchen and she pours me a glass of water which I down within seconds.

"You OK?" she asks warily as she takes the glass from me.

"Mhm" I mumble and she gives me a small hug.

"Whatever happens i'll be here OK"

I hug her back tightly as the nerves begin to turn into fear. What happens if they do come back positive? Harry and I are aren't even talking to eachother let alone ready to raise a child! I love children and have always dreamed of having kids but not in this point in time

"Do you want to go do them now?" Lauren asks letting me go.

I want to say no but I know I have to do it at some point.

"Yeah" I sigh and she leads me to the bathroom that is the ensuite to her temporary room.

I tip the boxes out on to the bed and we both open a box each and begin reading the instructions to ourselves. The tests are pretty much the same. They both need me to pee on a stick and wait 2-3 minutes for the results.

"I'll be right outside" Lauren says and gives me a reasurring smile before I go in to the bathroom.

I close the door and immediately begin to panic. I lean on the bench sink for a couple of moments as I try to slow my breathing. I look down at the bracelet wrapped around my wrist that my dad gave me and roll my eyes. I cant even imagine what he would say. His little princess getting herself knocked up at 19 and to someone who doesn't give a damn thing about her.

I wash my hands with warm water just as the instructions say and open the first packet.

The screen is electronic and has a long stick at the end which I am suppose to pee on for 5 seconds.

I sit on the toilet seat and pee on the stick which is really wierd. I feel extremely uncomfortable placing my hand so close to my wee, so thankfully the next test has a longer stick.

I let out a huge sigh of nervousness as I place both the sticks on a piece of tissue and next to the bathroom sink. I wash my hands with a heap of soap. Even though I didn't touch my pee I still feel yuck.

I sit on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor and rest my chin on my tucked up knees. With each passing second I feel as though the world I once knew is about to crumble beneath my feet. Of course I don't believe I'm pregnant but the fact that I haven't had my period in two weeks has me scared. A million thoughts race though my mind as I stare up at the sink that ultimately holds my future depending on what results appear. I have no idea what I will do if I'm pregnant. I don't believe in aborting babies and I never wanted to raise a child alone. But I guess if it came down to it I would. I have no other choice but to. Adoption is always an option but I don't think I could even bring myself to do that.

"Hey Jamie you OK?" Lauren asks through the door and I stand up to open it.

"Yeah" I say and go sit by her on the bed.

"How longs it been?" I say looking over at the sink from the bedroom.

"About 10 minutes since you went in" she says and my legs stiffen into the floor.

After a few more minutes of silence I finally get up and walk over to the bench.

Oh god, please god don't be pregnant.

Both test have come up with random lines though I don't know what they mean.

My heart begins pounding in my chest as I look down at the two white sticks.

"They both have two lines. What does that mean?" I ask nervously holding them up, my hands shaking as I try to get a good look at the test.

I can see Lauren looking through the booklets in the corner of my eye and I almost want to shut the door and block my ears so I never have to hear the answer.

She looks up at me with a pale face and I feel every ounce of my body crumble as I know what she's going to tell me.

"You're pregnant"

...