Lost for You

Chapter 21

3 weeks later...


"Hey are you coming to Sams party tonight?" Lauren asks in hope.

I had blown her off a few times already over the last couple of weekends as I couldn't bare the possibility of seeing Harry and Olivia together. I still hung out with Lauren, Sam and Katy outside of uni but a party is different. Almost everyone goes to the same parties around here so there's a high chance that Harry would be going.

"Ummm..." I begin to wonder if I'm actually ready to see the two of them together.

Its not that I'm not moving on from it, I actually think I pulled myself together quite well. After a few days of skipping classes because I felt like an emotional wreck, as well as being full of embarrassment, I finally felt like I could move on. Shit happens so deal with it. Harry's a complete asshole and me crying about it isn't going to change the fact that he forever will be. The thing that I'm scared about is I've done so well to hold myself together this long, but what if when I see them it all comes crumbling back down again?

"Please Jamie, I promise it will be a good night. Even if that dickhead and his slut of a girlfriend are there" she pleads.

"Lauren language!" I laugh at her, surprised by her cussing.

"Sorry" she giggles into the phone, "Please Jamie. We can just get drunk as hell and if we end up shaving Olivia's hair off then that's cool too"

I gasp at her comments though they are tempting. Since she's been with Zayn she's been a lot more feisty but I like it. She's confident.

"OK I'll be there" I give in and she lets out a shrill of excitement.

"Yay! Zayn said Ty was going to come which Sam is raving about as you can imagine" she comments and I laugh, remembering how captivated Katy and Sam were over my brother.

"So do you want to come with him? Otherwise I could pick you up earlier and you can get ready at mine?" She asks sweetly.

This is one of things I love about Lauren, she's always willing to out of her way for others even if it is an inconvenience for her. I just hope no one ever takes advantage of her kindness.

"No it's ok but thanks. Ill just catch a ride with Ty. Ill see you later"

"Ok cool. Ahh I'm so excited! See you later" she shrills again before hanging up the phone.

Only a few moments after ending the call I get a txt message.


Friday June 12th 5.39pm From:Lauren

Make sure you wear something extra sexy to show that bastard what he's missing out on ;) xx


I smile at her txt as it is almost exactly the same advice my dad use to tell me.
I suppose they're right in a way. I've been lounging around in the most unattractive clothes lately so I think it's time for me to dress up. Not for him but for me...

-

"You made it!" Lauren beams as she runs over to me in a gorgeous pale pink dress.

I embrace her warm hug and she pulls me in tight, me being slightly taller than her so she rests her head on my chest.

"I've missed you" she mumbles an I roll my eyes at Zayn who is now approaching us wearing a washed out blue denim jacket and dark pants. He has more dark facial hair since the last time I saw him but it suits.

"Drunk already" I say raising my eyebrows to him, Lauren still holding me close.

He shrugs a little then smiles "I tried to get her to wait for you but you guys took so long!" He says turning to Ty now.

"Don't look at me man. It was this one" he smiles pointing at me, while his other arm holds a box of beers.

"Well you can't blame them. Look how hot my friend looks!" Lauren joins in, taking a small step back to have a good gaze at me.

"Look at this bod! If I was a guy I would certainly pick her up!" She raises her eyebrows and we all begin to laugh at her drunk talk. She is very cute when she gets tipsy.

"Ok babe. Lets go get you some water" Zayn says wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"Oh no no I told Jamie I would have a good time with her tonight! Please I promise i'll be good" she says looking up at him with pleading eyes.

He gives her a quick kiss "OK, but just slow down a bit. I don't want to find you streaking down the road or anything"

Lauren smiles up at him, happy with his answer.

"I won't I promise" she says before giving him another kiss, "C'mon Jamie lets go get you a drink!"

"I'll see you round" I shout back to Zayn and Ty as Lauren pulls me away and into the kitchen.

"So where is Sam ?" I ask Lauren as she makes me a drink.

"I'm here!" I hear the familiar voice say and I turn in response to find the gorgeous platinum blonde walking towards me in a hot pink mini dress matched with sky high gold heels.

"Hello my girl!" Sam smiles giving me a kiss on the cheek, "I'm so glad you came. I feel like I haven't seen you in ages" she says pushing out her bottom lip.

"I saw you yesterday in law" I smile at her and she playfully rolls her eyes.

"Well you know what I mean" she shrugs before giving me a smile.

"Here" Lauren says handing me the cup.

"Thank you" I reply and go to take a sip.

"Wait!" Sam stops me just as my lips touch the rim of the plastic cup, "here's to a good night!"

She raises her wine glass and I join her while Lauren quickly grabs a unopened beer from the counter top.

"And to you sexy mamas for being my best friends!" Lauren adds in and we all clink our glasses together before taking a drink.

The drink is sweet though I can still taste a slight burning as the alcohol slides down my throat.



"OK it's time to get you wasted" Sam comments quietly as I pull the cup away from my mouth and instantly my eyes land on Harry and Olivia walking in together, my stomach dropping down once again. I feel the hurt that I had tried so hard to push away, slowly creeping back in.

Thankfully some tall guy pulls them into a conversation so I turn away and skull the rest of my drink down.

"Definitely time to get wasted" I say to the girls and Lauren hands me her beer.

I start chugging it down as fast as I can and within a few minutes it's gone.

"Thanks" I breathe out heavily, putting the empty bottle down on the bench.

"One more?" Lauren asks filling another red cup.

I turn back to Harry to find him staring right at me with no emotion crossing his face though his eyes look dark and haunting. He almost looks sad. What's wrong with him? Don't pitty him! my subconcious yells at me and I turn away as I realise I too am staring.

"Thanks" I say to Lauren as she hands me another drink.

"I can kick them out if you want" Sam says, worry full in her eyes.

"No it's fine honestly. I can't stay hidden forever so lets just try and enjoy your party yeah?" I say trying to smile even though I feel like running away. I never want to look in to those beautiful green eyes again. They might be beautiful but they aren't to be trusted. That's a mistake I will never make again...

-

A couple of hours later I find myself sitting around a small fire pit in the garden with a few people including a guy called Tom whom I'm giving relationship advice to about his new boyfriend. I'm probably the worst person to be giving relationship advice but I feel like I am owning this conversation right now. My body is warm through with alcohol and every time I slightly move, my head begins to spin a little so I remain as still as possible.

"I honestly don't think you need to worry about it" I say taking another drink of whatever it is I have in my hand. I'm not even too sure where I got this from but it tastes sweet so I don't mind.

"I guess" he sighs throwing a small twig into the fire, "I just feel like he's sort of embarrassed or something"

"He just came out like a week ago right?" I ask the blonde haired boy who nods in response, "so just give him a little time. I'm sure he's just getting use to the whole thing himself"

"True" he smiles a little and I give him the rest of my drink which he finishes quickly, "Thanks".

"No problem"

"Sister!" I hear my brother yell from across the lawn, walking over to me with a beer in his hand.

Both Tom and I laugh as my brother and two guys sort of stumble across the grass towards us.

"I better get home. Thanks for the talk" Tom says giving me a hug.

"Anytime" I say though I probably won't see him around again.

"Who's your friend?" Ty asks taking a seat next to me on the grass and the other two follow,

"Tom" I say steeling the beer out of his hand and taking a sip.

"Tom eh" my brother smiles looking at the tall lanky boy as he walks in to the house, "Should I have a talk with him?"

"He's gay Ty"

"Oh well, OK then" he says relaxing back a little more and I roll my eyes though I can't blame him, not after what Harry did. Speaking of Harry, I haven't seen him all night. Not that I'm complaining. I hope he left.

"Hey Ty, lets go get it now" one of the boys wearing a black football shirt says leaning over to us.

"Just a sec Liam" my brother responds and I remember him now from the first party I went to at Zayns. The one where Harry started yelling at me for leaving him, which I didnt! Though thats probably why he played me like a fool.

"You OK here by yourself?" Ty asks standing up with Liam and I nod.

"Stay here and look after my sister" Ty instructs the other boy who's also sitting on the grass, leaning back on his hands.

"You don't have to" I say to the boy whos dark hair is styled into a perfect quiff.

"It's OK, I dont mind" he shrugs and I smile at him politely.

"I'll be right back. Don't let that ass hole near her" Ty says and I can see he's fuming at the thought. I told him to let it go but he obviously hasn't.

"Who?" the boy asks looking confused.

"Harry" my brother states before walking off with Liam and I see the boy next to me give an all knowing 'Oh right' sort of nod at his answer.

"You know Harry?" I ask as he takes a sip from his beer.

"I don't know him but I know of him. I've seen around a couple of times" he answers and I nod in reply, not really wanting to know any further details.

"I'm Jake" he says leaning across to reach his hand out to me.

"Jamie" I reply, leaning forward to give him a small shake and my head spins at the movement.

"You OK?" he asks watching me intently.

"Yeah. I may have a had a little too much to drink" I sigh holding my head, "but I'm fine honestly".

"OK" he smiles and I lie back on the cold grass to help my body cool down and Jake joins me.

"So how do you know Harry?" he asks much to my displeasure.

Oh god, really...

"Forget I asked" he smiles, noticing my want to not answer.

"It's just a long story" I sigh looking up to the clear starry sky.

"I know those stories" he scoffs, obviously undersanding what I'm talking about.

"Really?"

"Yeah. My girlfriend and I just broke up a couple of months ago" he says casually.

"Oh god sorry." I say not wanting to bring up past feelings

"Don't worry about it. I'm over it" he smiles across at me and I can see into his clear hazel eyes. They are mainly hazel but have a slight touch of grey glazing the main colour which makes for a oddly stunning eye color.

"What happened?" I ask before I can stop myself.

"Long story" he laughs mimicking my previous words and I join him in laughter.

"So who wants to play a little game?" I hear that familiar, annoying voice that I had been dreading all night. Olivias.

I ignore her and remain lying down next to Jake who also doesn't seem that interested.

"Hey you two! Sit up and join the circle" she pushes but I remain still, not wanting to look into those dark eyes that maliciously stared at me that day.

"Hello!" she says a little louder.

"I don't want to play" I groan sitting up slowly and Jake follows soon after.

"Jamie!" she beams from the other side of the small fire that is slowly going out. I don't look at her as I know she will be staring at me with utter satisfaction on her face and I don't want to feel the pain that comes with it.

So instead I watch Jake as he puts a couple of pieces of wood on top of the fire, making it come back to life.

"Oohh this should be fun" I hear her say but ignore her small comment and move closer to Jake as I feel like hiding.

Where is Ty? I want to go home. All this alcohol mixed with annoyance of Olivia is making me feel sick.

"Let's play 'Would you!" some other girl says who's sitting close to Olivia.

"This is lame. I'm not playing" I say quietly so only Jake can hear and he nods his head in agreement.

"Perfect!" I hear Olivia squeel and I roll my eyes at her annoying response.

As I look around at the other random faces that sit on the other side of Jake, I can feel someone staring at me from across the fire and I know exactly who it is without checking.

I finally have the guts to look across and I immediately regret it as I lock eyes with a pair of stern green eyes. Harry looks at me through the fire which flames continue to grow. I shuffle back slightly as my body begins to heat though I don't know if it's from Harrys intense glare or from the hot flame that seperates the two of us. He's wearing a dark grey t-shirt, allowing his tattoos that run down his forearm to be shown, while he grips a beer firmly in his hand. His stare is intimidating and I can see the reflection of the fire in his eyes. Anger and pain rush through me as this is the first time I've properly looked at him since that day at his house. It makes me sick to think I once considered that boy my bestfriend.

"Harry baby, you go first!" Olivia smiles and wraps her arms around him, snuggling closer as they too sit on the grass.

I feel the heat of jealousy running through me as I watch her nuzzle her head just under his jaw and I almost get up to leave but he moves away from her slightly which surprises me. Maybe they got into a fight?

"Umm...." he says staring at me and I look away hoping he doesn't try and talk to me. If he did, I would for sure break down.

"Emilia," he finally says to the girl who decided on the game, "Would you eat a a mouldy apple?"

"That's a stupid question" Olivia says hitting him on his chest and I almost want to jump through the fire and strangle her for being so rude. He can ask what ever he wants, even if he is a asshole. It's his question.

"Fine, would you ever get with a girl?" he sighs.

Thats always how it is with these games. I guess sexual questions are the only exciting ones but I don't really want to talk about anything that involves sex right now. Especially with Harry sitting opposite me.

"Of course I would" the girl shrugs as if it's still a stupid question.

"Yay" Harry says sarcastically and takes another sip of his beer and I can tell he's bored.

"My turn. Ummm.... Jamie right?" the girl asks turning to me now. How does she know my name?

"I'm not playing" I state and hope she moves on.

"Oh c'mon Jamie don't be a bad sport" Olivia smirks at me while resting on Harrys chest.

"Fine, one question and I'm done" I say back to the girl who grins at Olivia. They must be friends.

"You don't have to if you don't want" Jake whispers quietly to me.

"No it's fine. I'll just answer one then I'll go" I say not wanting to give Olivia the satisfaction of watching me leave like a complete whimp.

"OK then Jamie, one question" she smiles at me almost just as evily as Olivia was, "Would you kiss the last person you hooked up with again?"

As soon as the question falls from her mouth I turn to Harry who is just staring at me curiously through the fire.

Shit! Why didn't I just leave! I haven't kissed anyone since Harry and I honestly don't know how to answer this. Of course I don't want to kiss him again, ever! He's a lying prick who will never earn my trust again but something is holding me back from saying it. My mind is beginning to hurt from the overload of thoughts that are crashing through my mind. If I say no, he probably won't even care but I know Olivia will be proud of knowing she stole him away from me completely. And if I say yes then what does that say about me? I don't want to say yes but I don't want to say no either. I look around the circle of people and they're all looking at me expectantly, including Harry who has Olivia tucked under his arm which sends another shock of pain through my body.

I turn to Jake who's rare eyes are also looking at me waiting for an answer. So I do all I can think of in that moment...

I lean in and lock lips with Jake, earning a few cheers from the people watching. His lips are smooth and I can taste the beer that stains his lips. Jake begins to move his lips slowly in response to mine and I pull away just before it can go any further. I look up to the girl, ignoring the glare I can feel coming from Harry.

"I would" I answer honestly as Jake is now offiicial the last person I kissed. I wipe my bottom lip with my thumb, then stand to leave. I stumble back a step as the rush of alcohol hits my head but Jake quickly stands and catches me before I go any further.

"Thanks" I say leaning off him so I can balance myself.

I walk off past the group of people with Jake following close behind and I take a quick glance at Harry.

His lips are pressed into a hard line as he grips his beer tighter. His jaw tensing as he watches the two of us walk off.

I don't know why, but he's definitely angry... and I'm glad...