Chapter 8

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Still Nursing a hangover from the night before I decided to spend the day with my mom while Mac and the girls  worked the bar

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Still Nursing a hangover from the night before I decided to spend the day with my mom while Mac and the girls worked the bar. She was still on bed rest since her surgery. We were currently laying in her bed watching reruns of I love Lucy on Netflix, and vegging out like I did as a child. That's when she looks at me and asks " Baby girl, are you happy?"
Looking at her I sigh "I think you know me best of all mom. You know the answer to that."
"That's just it baby. I don't know this part of you. This girl next to me isn't the one who spent her nights with me planning her life with a big ol smile on her beautiful face. Laughing about all the goofy stuff some boy had pulled that day to get your attention. This girl doesn't tell her momma about all her bad days and cry on her shoulder. I don't know who this is next to me"
"I don't know who she is either momma. All I know is that I'll never be that girl again."
"Oh honey, don't say that. Please don't say that. This isn't you."
"What is it about me that you don't like mom? Let's just go ahead and air it out?"
Giving me the challenge accepted look she replies " OK Missy but you asked for it. Remember that. For one, Your language is as colorful as the sunset. I didn't raise you to talk like that. Even working in a bar I've never spoken the language I hear coming out of your mouth. 2. I hear you have quite a few boyfriends but they aren't allowed to take you to dinner. 3. Your just , I don't know baby girl. Your just a shell. I think that's the worst part. After all this, your still just a shell. And I'm not going to mention that your naked body's is posted all over the world. And don't think I don't know all about you smoking them funny cigars."
"Well you just did. I don't know what you want me to say."
"I want you to say this childish fit you've been throwing the last five years is over and your going to grow up. I love you baby and I'll always love you. No matter what. I know they hurt you and I understand, But I can't sit by iddily like I have the last five years and let you ruin your life." Shocked and a little hurt I say quietly
"You don't know what I've been through. A fit? You think I've been throwing a fit?" I ask as I get up from the bed.
"Your right I don't. And I don't because you've cut me out. You don't talk to me. You don't talk to anyone. For God's sake Ritchie, talk to someone that can get all that hate outta your heart. Do it before it consumes you." Picking up the navigator keys I walk away.
Now I know that drinking doesn't solve anything but by golly I needed a drink. Stopping at the bar was probably a bad idea. Going behind the bar and grabbing 2 bottles to take with me was most likely an even worse idea. Mac stopped me on my way out "What the hell Ritch? What's going on? And why the hell do you need that?" She said pointing to the 2 bottles of Jack in my hands.
"I just need tonight Mac. I just need to sit and think about my shit. Just me. Well me and Jack."
"OK. Just tonight Ritchie. That's all you get. After tonight, you don't get to hide anymore. Call me when your done. You don't drive."
Shaking my head I walk out and head to the one place I know I can possibly get myself together.

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