Archer Diaries

Undead

Demons, it resides in all of us. Rearing its ugly head one time too many, corrupting us at every turn. I've learnt to live with them because I can't fight them. I just don't know how. Maya speaks of a light, that dispels all darkness but I know it is not for me, that light. I've gotten comfortable in the darkness. There, I know what awaits me at every turn and it hides my demons. I hear them but I don't have to see them. You probably think I'm mad. Well that I am but can you really blame me. I was born crazy. It's the only life I've ever known. Redemption, that's not for me. I don't deserve it but she does...

*******
"I hate you!"

"You don't mean that. " he said as he took slow steps towards her.

She cowered back in fear and tears, "Don't...don't come...near me, plea...se..."

"Robyn?" She paused the TV and turned to see her mum standing at the threshold with a solemn look. "Honey, you need to get ready. The service is two hours." She nodded and turned back to the paused image on the screen. Love was painful, was how best she could sum the relationship between Ernst and Alisa. Their story was a classical love story of a gangster and little miss perfect falling hopelessly in love with all odds against them. Though cheesy, it had her in tears all the same. Her mum, Serwa, walked over and slouched next to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a widow." Robyn answered without taking her eyes off the TV.

"It will get better. Believe me it will." She turned to look at her mother and wondered if  it was the truth. Her dad died eight years ago but it never got better for them. Though she tried not to show it, she knew her mum was still recovering from their loss. This could be because they were madly in love, something she couldn't say for herself. Not prepared to go down memory lane, she pushed herself up and walked into the bathroom. Staring at her reflection, she looked at least a decade older now. She let out a heavy sigh and walked into the shower. She rubbed her  sponge over the nook of her shoulder with her eyes shut. She could feel his breath there, gently caressing her skin. She let out an almost inaudible moan before opening her eyes once again.

Embarrassment engulfed her once more, remembering how close she had been to shedding her dignity through no effort of hers actually. After hearing from the detectives Roderick had been stabbed multiple times in his chest and abdomen, she broke down. She cried for not trying to save her husband after he endured such a gruesome ordeal. She cried for being so selfish. She hated herself at that moment so much that it hurt but she didn't want to feel that way. In a haste, she reached for her keys on the table and ran out of the house, ignoring her mum who was frantically calling out her name. She got in the car and drove away, going to the one person who didn't make her feel like a complete failure.