Crimson

These Are The Memories Worth Keeping

We started talking and I didn't want to stop. It was hours later though when I think we were really comfortable with each other. I can't really tell how I feel about her, but I know that it's good. We lay on her bed staring up at the ceiling talking about everything and nothing at the same time. Somehow it was infinitely interesting.

"So, how about that long story you never told me?" She asked truly wanting to know.

"I'll tell you if you tell me," I answered.

"Okay, a detail for a detail," I heard her let out a sigh.

"My mom abandoned me when I was little and my dad got stuck with me so instead of sending me to school to learn he sent me to get drugs and snort cocaine with him and his friends."

I remembered the first time he smacked me and the fear he had for those first few moments of silence, but from then on he kept doing it and the more he did, the more he liked it and he never showed any remorse. I remember the first time he forced me to do drugs. I hated them, but I couldn't stop. If I got lucky, I'd snort, shoot, and smoke enough that I'd forget about the beatings. I thought for a long time that I didn't like being hurt, but that wasn't it. I didn't like never feeling in control, I didn't like the fact that he thought he was the only one who could hurt me. In fact, I loved being in pain because it's the only thing that ever comforted me.

 "My mom died when she had me. My dad, he...he didn't know what-" she sounded like she was working herself up and she couldn't find the right words.

I sat up and gave a reassuring smile, "It's okay, you don't have to talk about it," she sat up with me shaking her head.

"I couldn't tell you the first time he touched me, but I can tell you that he called me every name in the book because I couldn't stop him. I was never strong enough to push him off of me..." I wiped the tear that had escaped her grasp with my thumb.

She stayed real quiet for a minute until I couldn't stand the guilt. I pulled her shaking body into my chest as she let everything pour out. I lay us down so that I had my arm around her waist to hold her to me with her head against my chest while I stroked her hair. Kayden had problems like me, she was just newer to being out of that situation than I am. I felt her snuggle into me. I didn't expect to feel fluttery, but I did and I really liked it. When she calmed herself down, she pulled away from me to sit against the wall with her knees up to her chest.

"You alright?" I honestly wanted to know.

She nodded, "H-how can you talk about it all so easily?" her voice quivered and I didn't blame her.

"Practice and time. I don't talk about it with alot of people."

"How many?"

"You and Sara. Other poeple have an idea of it and my 'rent knows because they told her. I don't discuss it."

It was the truth.

"So, how's life been treating you lately?" I added curiously.

"My boyfriend has been into the relationship lately. I guess that's a good thing, but I don't know," Kayd seemed unsure.

"Well, if anything ever happens, just call me," I meant it.

She nodded again. I pulled out my phone to look at the time. 8: 49 pm

"I'm going to go before your uncle gets back to stare me down with the death glare again," I felt bad for leaving her like this, but I had to get some answers from Sara's journal and try to get the image of Kayden with a different guy out of my mind. She wasn't ready to be on her own, but I had things to sort out too. I hugged her goodbye, but before leaving I wanted to set up a day to hangout.