Crimson

Meeting Matthew Jaxon

The longer that passed since I left Kayden the more guilt grew, but tonight is supposed to be fun so, I need to forget those things for an hour or two. I don't really know where we're going so I don't have a clue of what to wear. I fumbled through my dresser until I'd nearly abolished my standards and finally found a shirt that met the requirments. After what felt like a lifetime, I still had to do my hair and cover my past. The concealer that Elizabeth bought me when I was in recovery were to cover the scars, but if they're not deep, it works pretty well on cuts too. Most of my wounds are healed, but the ones that aren't are underneath my clothing.

Running my fingers through my hair, I spread the styling gel so that it looked a little messy. I had to check everything off my mental list before I would call Kayd. Outfit, hair, scars, teeth, armpits, and cologne. It didn't take nearly as long as I expected, but that could either mean that tonight is going to be a good one or that I didn't take long enough and I'm missing something. My phone started ringing as I slipped on my vest. Answering was difficult while attempting to put on sneakers, but I didn't expect the plesant voice I answered for.

"Hey, do you want to go to a party?' Kayden skipped to the point.

"Uh, sure," Parties are always bad luck for me.

"Alright, we're on our way to pick you up."

"Alright," I hung up and slipped my phone in my pocket.

Who the hell is 'we'..? The sound of a car horn honking broke my train of thought. I guess it's go time. Walking out the door I saw him. I saw her boyfriend in the driver's seat. He had short blonde hair, a crooked nose, and he looked like he just picked up the first thing he saw out of the laundry basket. By the time I was five feet from the backseat door it looked like he literally bathed in grease, but hey, maybe that's just my opinion.

I don't know if my thoughts were full of hatred because I'd hit a spark of jealousy or if I was just a bitter asshole, but the car ride gave me a migraine from his taste of music and it was challenging to hold my tongue from announcing my rude thoughts. I think tonight is going to end up bad. We finally arrived and as we got out he took her hand.

It didn't feel right. He looked pained and she gave that forced smile to everyone. All I could think about as I passed the threshold into the party was the mall when she asked me to hold her hand and the way he held it drove me insane with the fact that he didn't lace his fingers with hers. They were closed off from each other.

I hope they have something stronger than beer. I followed Kayden, forcing myself to look up at the people I was passing instead of my shoes. I never seem to stay away from these types of events for long before indulging in the cravings for my addictions. See, I know I like it, I know it's bad, and honestly, I don't care  anymore. It used to bother me, but eventually with all the substances in my system, I forget most of it anyways. My shrink says that it's me denying reality, that I'm running from my problems rather than facing them; frankly, I think I just like to kill myself a little faster and get through the days without the constant hatred of myself and the world. You can't loathe something you have no recollect of.

Madness is something we carry in our mind, our bodies adapt to the abuse. Don't ever tell me you're sane, because the truth is that we're all fucking nuts. Matthew found what I assume was his buddies because he started joking around with them while Kayden just stood next to him in a unnoticed silence. I seemed to be the only one who saw her awkward shifts in stance. Enough of this. All these thoughts are going to make my brain explode. Finally, I let myself stop being locked onto her as I traveled through the crowded house.

Teenagers and young adults were everywhere. There were a lot dancing, then I saw the greifers, the buzz kills; I kept walking, I knew who I was looking for. The drunks, at last I found the few people sitting around a coffee table on the couch or the floor, they didn't have much, but it'd work. I sat down on the couch next to a girl smoking a blunt.