DEEP CONVICTIONS

Are you GRATEFUL

   In the darkness of my night, I find silent solace. Comforted with the shadows of opposing thumbs run across my face, I lay these letters on the page.
   I haven't been here in awhile. I've run away back to my unaltered ego of real life. I push away at the things that tend to support this life and all that it touches.
   I struggle with a few dumb things. Like inspiration. And where do I dig to find more of it. The energy I don't place here though is well spent! I assure you that.
    Like a well digger in hell, though. I search for the inspiration to feed this altered universe where I can paint any picture these thumbs will type down.
  Light shakes the ceiling above me as I type away. I wonder what this looks like to any voyeur watching the light of my screen bounce off the walls in here.
   My subconscious is screaming at me lately in my sleep.
   It's true. Lately I've been dreaming every night. For the past week, I've had weird dreams of things easily forgotten with little details that remain, and yet, there is little to write of it.
   The days when fall are coming quickly. Soon I will see snow and fog. It's been quite a year for me. I've done things dudes sit in prison just thinking of doing.
   I've made many meals. Had many expeditions near and far. I've seen my first son and introduced him to his youngest brother.
   I've gotten tattooed by a true master of the art. I've tattooed a famous person.
   A child hood friend has come to visit me here and we had a great time. I was able to tattoo my buddy Scott's daughter. She was a blast.
   I have many things to be grateful for.
   I was also visited by a wise old dude. Brian Bender was one of the first people to ever bring me to an AA meeting as an adult. He told me to start going back and instead, I listened to him as I always did. I didn't.
   My daughter moved into her own place. I thought coming over more I would miss seeing her mother around but it seems her mother is around. Either way, I am grateful she has her own place.
   I lived long enough to be a grandpa.
   Wow.
   I was gonna die at 21, 25, 29, and 35. But I'm still here. I might as well get comfortable. I'm going to be here awhile.
   I still have a job. 9 years in January. I can't believe that I still have the same job this long. Crazy for
Me to think about it but yep, Im grateful I don't have to look for new stinking job.
    Keep in a routine long enough, it may seem boring. Until you look around and see the lives of others around you going to hell in a hand basket. Then you're very happy with your alternative.
   I may be very content with my life. And some days, I might even be feeling a little bored. But I'm not drowning in drama.
   I used to be way more fun to talk about. Now it's just that I work hard and take rad vacations. There isn't any good story in that.
   But as I read many people's stories in this app, the even Keel stories are the ones I like the best.
   Get down. Be real. Be vulnerable without sounding like a sap or a victim and I will star that shit like a teacher giving out stars in KINDERGARTEN.
Stay teachable. Reachable. Unbelievable. And anything is achievable. Uhhh. Know what I'm saying? (You can add any voice to that lil rap anyway you want. Sing it with helium if you want too.).
   We are lucky we have today to read each others writings. So many pages of stuff I wrote so long ago that very few have ever read. We are lucky.
   I haven't written in awhile. But I have been reading you. I think people have come and gone. I can't wait to read your new stuff. Let me know when you update.
   I'm having some better days lately. Hopefully we can excite each other about getting down on what we put in here.
   I am grateful to be seen. Grateful to be read. Happier with the interactive comment if I get it. And a star to say you were here.
   Thank you for your patience with my gap of time. Have a great whatever. Night or day.
   See you around homey.