DEEP CONVICTIONS

I AM HERE

  So...
   Here I am just plugging away at these key tabs.
   When I'm here, it's like I've waited for you to go to bed. To say these things I've wanted to tell you but they're words that never meet up in our conversations.
   Words that make little sense.
   Words that have little to do with what's going on when we are together. Words that have little to do with anything at all.
   Words like, "I love you". Not that sexual type of love. Not that sensual type either.
   More like, that unconditional type of love. The kind of love one has for somebody that comes even after I watch you kick a bum in the teeth. The kind that comes after you wipe your ass with my sock. The kind of love you have knowing your dog pissed on your shoes, and you think it's cute, kind of love.
   The kind that comes after we have such distance between us. The kind that comes even after long periods apart, it's like no days have passed between us.
   I am lucky to have you. No matter how far we are apart. The mere thought of those times we had, brings a smile to my memory.
   Words like, "I miss you."
    Not like when I threw a knife at you. More like grabbing at the moon. Reaching for it. Pulling at it with all my Jedi man power. I cannot seem to bring you any closer. I shake my head, but I know that I love you.
   I love you with all my heart. There is no warmth without you within it.
   Words like, "I trust you as you are."
    Usually I trust no one. A single moment, probably the touch of a handshake and I know already how far I will allow someone to get close to me.
   But you? I trust you fully. You get unconditional love as well as more trust than anyone gets on an average day. I mean since the very day I met you, I knew how much I wanted to be close to you.
   I knew exactly how far I would go to be yours. Exactly how loyal I was going to be. How hard I was going to have to work to gain your trust.
   Hell some days I feel like I'm still working for it. Eh, I love you. It isn't too much, right?
  Who doesn't need someone to be there for them? Do you think you're the only one?
  Days go by, and those become weeks. Weeks have become months. And the this rock just keeps spinning days. And the distance between us has never been greater.
   But regardless of time and distance, there is nobody I wish to be closer to, than you. Nobody who knows me as you do. Nobody that I am more loyal to or trust my life with than you.
   You have all the qualities I have looked for. You have all the properties of genuine, that I have searched for and I know that if I was ever wrong, it was totally worth every bit of effort.
   I know without a doubt who you are and what you are about. What you like and don't.
   I will take any attention you have for me. It doesn't matter if it's bad, I'll gladly take the brunt, to see your emotions emit any sort of reaction.
   Lately things have gotten far more darker than I ever thought they would. Darker than I ever believed it could be without discussion. I know you are there for me.
   I just want you to know, "I am here for you."  Not just, "sitting in the living room naked for you." Not just, "Here's another letter for you;" kind of here for you either.
   There's another kind of, "I'M HERE FOR YOU."