Ego {Completed}

Chapter 19

Beyoncé was awoken out of her short sleep by the sound of the doorbell. She had been expecting a package, so she got up, adorned herself in a gray tee shirt and shorts, and went downstairs to sign for it. But when she opened the door, she wasn't facing the mailman. Shawn was there.
"Shawn?" She said squinting and still very tired. She rubbed her face and ran her fingers through her hair. "What are you doing here?"
"Um," he started. Even in her early morning state, she looked more beautiful than ever to him. "I just wanted to do something with you today. Maybe go shopping for the baby and get some food."
"It's eight o'clock in the morning..." she mumbled. Her eyelids were heavy, and she leaned against the door for support. Pregnancy already made her tired, and she'd only gotten four hours of sleep.
"I know," he sighed. "I can come back later...if you want me to come back."
She didn't verbally answer him, she just held open the door wider and stepped aside so he could come in. "I'm going back to bed, and you can lay with me if you want, but that's it." She said sternly. "And, I'm expecting a package sometime today, so since you're here and you woke me up so early, you can sign off for it for me."

Shawn was content with that. In all honesty, he just wanted to be in her presence. When the wedding party ended last night, and they had to go their separate ways, he found himself wishing that she'd come home with him, or vice versa.
He followed her into her bedroom, where she laid down again. Her body was slightly turned to the left, away from him, and before joining her under the covers he just stared for a while. The soft, gray fabric of her tee shirt gently slipped over her protruding belly. It was more noticeable now in her casual clothes. Her shirt was lifted up some, exposing just the soft skin of her underbelly. He wanted to caress her, but he didn't want to upset her.
Finally, he undressed himself to his boxer shorts and tee shirt, and he laid down next to her. She still smelled the same way, like vanilla and honey, and he wanted to pull her into his arms and bathe in her scent. For an hour, he laid next to her and listened to her soft breathing as she slept. He only got up again when he heard the doorbell ring.

He went to answer it, and was greeted by the mailman, as Beyoncé promised. He signed off for her package and brought it in. He was glad that he had come over, because the box was really heavy, and he didn't think she should be lifting something like this anyway. He knew he shouldn't be nosy, but he wanted to see what it was. When he opened it, he saw that it was the pieces of a crib. It would need to be assembled. He figured since he was there, he would do it himself. It was another task that he didn't think she should worry herself with. But it also made him wonder what other tasks she had already done while he was away. The thought made him again hate himself for leaving.

He was almost finished putting the crib together when he heard movement behind him. He looked up to see Beyoncé in her same clothes, but more awake now.
"Hey," he smiled when he saw her. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
She shook her head. "No. You didn't have to do that." She said, gesturing to the almost fully assembled crib.
He smiled. "It's fine. It's the least I could do."
She didn't respond to that. "Do you want breakfast?"
"Sure," he smiled. He could tell that he wasn't yet back in her good graces, but at least she was being nice to him. It was more than he deserved, he thought.
"You like french toast, right?"
He stood and followed her into the kitchen. "Yeah, sure."
"Good." The two of them stayed quiet for a while. He was content with just staring at her. Well, mostly at her belly. She really did looks beautiful. And kind of adorable.
She could feel him staring at her, so she turned towards him. "Stop looking at my belly."
He smiled. "I can't help it. I just can't believe that our baby is in there."
She softened a little and finally gave him a smile back. "Yeah, I know what you mean. I couldn't believe it at first either."

He wanted to feel the baby inside of her, but he was nervous to ask. Instead he mentioned something else. "I told my mom about the baby. I hope you don't mind."
She shrugged as she beat the eggs. "She has a right to know. It is her grandchild."
"She wants to come visit and meet you."
She slowly turned her gaze back at him. "You say that like it's a bad thing."
He sighed. "My mother is...well, put it this way. There's a reason I don't talk much about my family."
"And that reason is...?"
"I'm the youngest of four kids. They're all just really protective of me."
"You're a grown man. You don't need protecting."
He sighed. "I know. They just don't seem to understand that."
"Did she say when she will come?" Beyoncé asked.
"Next week."
"Next week?" She swung around. "Well, thanks for the warning!"
"I'm sorry. I wasn't even sure if you would let me come back."
She sighed and shook her head, but she didn't continue to speak on the topic.

Once breakfast was finished, she fixed two plates and sat them down on the table. Shawn felt just the slightest pang in his chest. This would be the first time that they wouldn't share a plate during a meal at home. She also sat across from him, rather than next to him. He still tried to make conversation with her though.
"Have you had any weird cravings, or anything?" He asked.
She shook her head. "No. I'm just hungry all the time." She didn't go into anymore detail than that, and as she spoke, she didn't even look up at him. He noticed that she'd really been avoiding much of any kind of contact with him all day. Maybe he wasn't as welcomed as he thought.

After breakfast, he offered to do the dishes, and afterwards he would leave her house. He didn't really blame her for not wanting him around, and he figured he might react the same way if he was in her shoes. When he finished the dishes, he saw that she was sitting on the couch, reading a book aloud, but softly.
"Bey," he softly called her name. She looked up at him from her reading. "I'm gonna head out, okay?"
She frowned. "I thought you wanted to do something."
He shrugged, not really expecting that reaction from her. "I did, but if you don't want me to be around-"
"Who said I don't want you to be around?" Her face still held her frown.
"Beyoncé, you've been avoiding me all day. You won't speak to me unless I speak first. You sat as far away from me as possible at breakfast just now." He kept his voice even to not sound upset. He didn't really have the right to be upset with her anyway.

Her face softened, and she relaxed some. She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm still mad. And I'm tired. But if I'm being honest, I really do want you to be here."
"How are you mad at me, but still want me to be here?" He asked.
She shrugged again. "Because I love you and I hate you all at the same time." She answered honestly.
It was the second time she had said that she loved him. But Shawn didn't know if that meant that she was in love with him too.
Shawn didn't respond to her statement.
"You know I'm not gonna make you stay, but I would really like it if you did."
So, Shawn did what he should have done over two months ago. He took off his shoes again, made his way to the couch, and sat down next to her. Every opportunity he would get to stay, he vowed to himself, and silently to her, that he would stay.

Beyoncé's heart calmed in her chest when Shawn finally sat down next to her. She knew she'd been avoiding him all day, and not really speaking to him. But she really did want to be in his presence just as much as he wanted to be in hers.  She feared that when given the option again, he would leave. But him choosing to stay made her feel just a little less resentment towards him.
"What are you reading?" He asked softly.
"A manuscript." She answered. She was going to stop there, but she figured if her and Shawn were going to at least be friendly with one another, she'd have to open up at least a little more. "For the past few weeks, I've been reading them to the baby. I know it's still kind of early, but I think maybe it can hear me."
Shawn smiled. "Can I feel?" He finally asked.
Beyoncé shrugged. "Sure, but you won't feel anything. It doesn't really move yet."

Gently, Shawn touched her belly, covering almost all of it with the volume of his hand. He slowly began to rub her belly in a loving way. He couldn't believe he'd ever left. He was about to take his hand away, but he felt the tiniest shift. He thought it was just Beyoncé moving at first, but he heard her gasp, and her hand came down on his. He felt it again, but it was more prominent this time.
"Oh, my god..." she whispered. She had tears in her eyes. "I think it's moving..." She whispered to him. They waited a few seconds longer, and it finally happened. The baby kicked five times, then it started moving.
Beyoncé cried harder, and Shawn was in awe. "It's moving..." she sobbed tears of joy.
"You've never felt it kick before?"
She shook her head and wiped her tears. "I've felt little things before, but now it's really moving!"

The baby kept moving for the next five minutes before it finally started to calm down.
"Wow..." Shawn said softly. "That was....amazing." He had some tears in his own eyes too.
Beyoncé nodded in agreement.
"God, I love you so much..." he whispered.
His voice was so quiet, Beyoncé almost didn't hear it, but she was able to pick up exactly what he said. Slowly, she turned her head towards him. "Was that to me or the baby?" She asked softly.
He looked into her eyes, and before he thought about it, he answered, "Both of you." But he could tell from the look in her eyes that she didn't believe him. Not when it came to her, at least.
So despite her truest feelings for him, she didn't say it back.