Ego {Completed}

Chapter 24

Happy Valentines Day ❤️
~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was surprisingly easy to be with Shawn. Nothing really had changed. We loved being in each other's presence before, and we still love it now. And even before I got pregnant, we used to kiss and touch one another. We still haven't had sex again, we've been taking it slow.
We have been sharing a bed since that first night. We'll either stay at my house or his, but every night, we're always together. I'm still thinking about moving in, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to take that step yet, and he hasn't brought it up again.
For the first fifteen minutes after I woke up, I just stared at him. I remembered a few months ago that the thought of waking up next to him every morning was something that I wanted, but also something that scared me. To this day, I'm still scared, but not for the same reason. Before, I was scared to admit that I was in love with him. We're way past that now, but now my fear is losing him. I know he's said that he loves me, and I truly do believe him, but I'm also worried that it's just the effect the baby has on him, and not truly me that his love stems from.

When it was time for us to get up, I leaned into him and gently kissed him. He and I both like being woken up with kisses.
"Good morning," I whispered when he opened his eyes. He smiled and repeated the same.
"What time is it?" He asked.
"Eight-thirty. We have to be there by 9:30." I answered. Today is my 20 week checkup, and I'm hoping that we'll be able to find out the sex of the baby as well. I'm almost glad that I wasn't able to find out last time, since this time around, Shawn will be with me. This will be my first appointment not by myself too.

We ate a light breakfast beforehand, but Shawn wanted to take me out to brunch afterwards, so we didn't over eat. We checked in a few minutes before 9:30, so we were sent to wait for a while.
"So, what do you think? Boy or girl?" I asked Shawn. I know he's been hinting at a boy for weeks, but I truly don't care which we have.
"I'm not gonna lie, I really want it to be a boy."
"Why?" I challenged with a smile.
He shrugged. "I mean, I had a really good relationship with my dad, and I've always wanted to raise a boy to be a proper gentleman, you know? I mean, don't get me wrong, I won't be mad if it's a girl, but since you're asking my preference, I say boy."
I smiled and held his hand. "Well, then I hope you get what you want."
He responded by smiling and kissing my hand.
"Ms. Knowles?" We heard and looked up. "You can come back now."

In the office, the nurse ran my vital signs, which were all great, and then she gave me a gown to dress in, since I also needed a breast exam. I started to undress, but then I noticed that Shawn seemed a little uncomfortable. "Baby?" He looked up at me. "You don't have to stay if you're not comfortable."
"No, it's-it's fine." He stuttered. "I just didn't know you were getting a breast exam too."
"My doctor is a woman, if that makes you feel better."
He shook his head and kept his eyes down. "It's not that. It's..."
"What?"
He sighed. "I haven't seen you naked in a long time. And I've never seen you naked while pregnant. At least, not this far along."
"Oh..." we were silent for a while. "Does that...bother you?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe it's best if I don't see you naked and pregnant for the first time in a hospital."
"I only have to take my shirt off. But, if it bothers you, I'll change behind the curtain." I didn't wait for him to respond before I started for the small space behind the curtain.
While I changed, I heard him sigh, and then he apologized. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be such a big baby. No pun intended. I didn't offend you, did I?" He asked
I laughed a little. "It's fine, baby. I'm not offended." I said as I put on the gown. "But, you're probably going to see me naked at some point, you know."
I heard him chuckle, but he didn't say anything else.

I finished changing just a few minutes before my doctor came in. She went over a few things with me, mostly about the best diets and sleeping patterns to stay healthy, and she also wanted to make sure I wasn't having any problems. She says that my pregnancy is considered "high risk" due to my age and the fact that I've had an abortion in the past, but so far, everything has been great. She also made mention that at this stage, sexual activity is not dangerous, and can even be healthy for the baby. I knew Shawn was uncomfortable, as her statement even made me blush.
"All right, let's look at your baby." She smiled. I laid back on the bed, and she prepped my belly with the ultrasound jelly before using the wand. The first thing she showed me was the heart. It was going kind of fast, but my doctor said that it was normal. When she turned on the heart monitor for us to hear it, my eyes blurred with my tears, as always. Every time I hear the baby's heartbeat, it just reminds me how lucky I am to have a life inside of me. I almost forgot that Shawn was there until he squeezed my hand. His presence made this moment that much better to me. The last thing she did was look and see if she could tell whether the baby is a boy or girl.
"There we go..." she smiled. "Looks like you're having a baby girl."
At that point, I cried. I didn't actually know if they were tears of joy or disappointment though. I personally didn't care whether the baby was a boy or girl, but I know Shawn wanted a boy. I guess part of me was upset that he didn't get what he wanted, but I was still really happy.