Found at Midnight

Chapter 7

{TRIGGER WARNING}

Kellin

I looked at the reflection in the mirror, at every scar that covered the pale surface that is my skin. Each one holds a memory, every horrible moment of pain that I had suffered through. Some said that every scar was one from a battle, but I didn't agree with that. Every one of my scars was from a battle that had chipped away at my happiness, sanity, and spirit. Every time a new one formed it was another battle that killed me, a battle that I couldn't win. Slowly, my fingers traced the scars that rested on my ankles, the scarring from heated electrum, and the touch sent a shock up my arm, making me remember when I had gotten it. I began to trace scar after scar, each one becoming a reminder of the punishments handed to me for not being good, for not being the slave they needed me to be, for not being my brother. My eyes fell to my wrists, where there were scars made only by me; each one overlapped another, displaying each bad memory, hard time, or battle with I lost to myself. Thousands upon thousands covered my wrists, crawling upwards until they reached my shoulders. I've heard people say that self-harm is for attention, that you do it to gain sympathy and pity from those around you, but they could never understand what it feels like. It took an immense amount of anger, sadness, and self-hatred to carve into your own skin. A cutter is someone with an inner sadistic self. It's as if the cruel half of your consciousness that knows that this is wrong, yet as you cry, the sting brings peace. It's sad really, to hate yourself enough to do it, but depression isn't some beautiful girl crying. It's like you're walking into the beautiful blue ocean, as you walk deeper, you try to go back. You try to save yourself from drowning, but your mind is yelling at you to stay.

My mind carried me to memories that I miss, the only happy ones I had- the memories of Rosalina and my mother, my real mother. The two people that made my early years the happiest, before they were taken away. To this day I missed them dearly, and I always wished with everything in me that I could have them with me right then.

"Doleo matre superstite te non moleste fero me voluerunt. Non ego sum similis tui et non opus auxilio meo facere non possum. Soror doleo, non pactum meum quod pro vobis repletus sum tristitia non relinquam. Desidero utrumque nobis placere...adiuva me ," (I am sorry mother, I am sorry for not surviving like you wanted me to. I am not strong like you, and I need help, I cannot do this on my own. Sister, I am sorry, I did not keep my promise for I am filled with a sadness that won't leave. I miss you both, just please....help me) I whispered, and it was like I could feel them here. A tear escaped my eye, and soon enough I was crying. I didn't really have faith in the Gods anymore, but right now I was praying to the heavens to help me overcome this before I gave up.

"Noli vocare elegantem. Non deficiet alio modo. Non sum ego te ad tempus videro. Custodi me retinere et soror tua in tempore erit finis," (Do not cry, my beautiful child. Do not waste another tear. I am not gone, I will see you in time. But keep holding on for me and your sister, you will be fine in due time.) A voice said, but I could barely hear the soft sound as I wept, finally letting the weight crash down on me. I curled up into a ball, crying the pain out, and soon, it's not just crying- I'm full force sobbing. My breath choked many times as I grabbed the vase next to me, hurling it at the wall. My vision blurred as I started to destroy things, screaming out the words that I never got to say.

"You ruined me!" I screamed, throwing a lamp, "Hurt me!" another vase smashed against the wall, "Cursed me!" a chair's legs snapped, "I hate you so much!" I screamed so hard that I knew my face was flushed red, but I couldn't stop. I was finally letting go, and I didn't know what to do, even as I started to scare myself.

"You let him use me! You let them violate me as you laughed!" I shrieked, this time hearing someone begin to bang on the locked bedroom door, but I wasn't done with my destruction. I needed this, I needed the pain to go away. With an enraged growl, the darker side of me began to come out. Patches of blackened scales appeared on my skin, my teeth and nails elongated and sharpened. I heard the sound of a door being broken down, but that didn't stop me from continuing my path of rage. I began to rip everything apart, some part of me relishing in what I was doing, but I was soon caught face-to-face with Vic. I growled at him when he grabbed my wrists, preventing me from moving.