Romanogers// The Spy&The Solider

Chapter 18

ANASTASIA POV//
I wake up strapped down to a bed, an IV stuck in my arm. I lift my head up, slightly and begin to look around the room. I see the red headed women from before sitting in a chair next to me, her hand resting on her head. She looks up at me and smiles. I notice, on her neck, a large dark bruise. I feel my hands begin to shake and my heart beat faster. "Did...I hurt you?" I ask my voice full of guilt. She looks at me then down at the ground, "It doesn't matter what you did, it wasn't you-" she says "I would know." "You were trained?" I ask cautiously, she nods her head. "I was 6, when they took me. They taught me these things, these awful things, but they also made me think that they were okay, justified, that...that was just something you did in this world." She looks back up at me her eyes now filled with water. "I'm just afraid that they taught you the same things." She says and a tear runs down her cheek and off her chin. I want to tell her that I'm okay, that they didn't do those things to me, the things they did to her. But then I'd be lying.
•••
NATASHA POV//
Once Anastasia was rested enough Banner decided the sooner we tried to remove whatever chemical poison they put in her head was gone, the better. She rested up against a bed in front of Steve and I as Banner attaches plugs to her temple. "This should sting a little." He says with an uneasy look warning her and she nods. She strong, she can take pain, but I still feel a sickness in the bottom of my stomach at the thought of her hurting. Banner turns a dial, only a little bit but she already squeezes her eyes shut. Banner moves the dial more and she throws her head back and I feel my grip tighten on Steve's arm. The more he turns the dial the more pain she feels. When the dial is over the half way mark she begins to quietly scream, her mouth shut as tears slowly rolls down her cheeks. "Stop!" I blurt out and Banner looks to me still turning the dial. I look back at Anastasia who quickly opens her eyes that are now red, just like before. I run to her and put my hands on her cheek and look her in the eye. "Ana, I'm here, don't listen to the voices, listen to me" She still stares straight ahead as single tears roll fall from her eyes. "I..see them." She mumbles, "All of them." She says and I tilt me head, "Who do you see-" I ask. "Who do u see Ana?" She shakes her head "Please, don't make me." She says her lip quivering, "I don't want to..." Her eyes begin to fill with water again. "Bruce, turn it off!" I shout at him, still holding Anastasia's face. "NO!" She shouts "Finish." She says in a strong voice. I back away and hold Steve's hand tightly as Banner turns the dial to MAX. "I'm so sorry." She whispers to herself with her head bowed and her eyes shut. Banner turns the machine off and Anastasia looks back up at us with her eyes no longer blood red and back to normal, one icy blue, the other emerald green. "Ana-" I begin but she shakes her head. "I'm okay." She gets off of the bed and quickly walks back to the room she had been sleeping in for the past few days in the Avengers Tower. Steve looks down at me as she walks away, "I'll go talk to her." I say reading his expression. I slowly follow and find her in her room, her head in her hands. I lean up against the doorframe and silently watch. "You saw them," I say catching her attention and she quickly looks up at her her eyes stained red with tears. "Same thing happened to me." I walk over to her and sit down on the bed. "SHEILD helped erase most of the shit they put in me, but the process," I pause looking down at the ground "You see things, that you thought you would never see again....people you thought you'd never see again." I look back up at her. "297." She says "I've killed 297 people." I stop myself from gasping and can't help but think, what did they do to her. "76-" she takes a deep breath in, "76 were children...innocent children." She shakes her head "When I first did it, the guilt practically ate me alive, but then...it got easier. But I still remember all of them...every face, every look of terror or sadness, and...I remember every last word. Some begged, cried, screamed, but some knew they were going to die...so they gave up. And then I would pull the trigger, I didn't matter if I didn't want to, I did it. It was always me."