Trigger warning: Self harm.
Stay safe please because this hole is a hard one to get out of :)
Blood.
i've never done this before but oh my god is it pleasing. seeing little red bubbles form on my stomach and slowly run down my skin like raindrops on a window.
"ive had your dad in one ear your brother in the other and i dont need you in a mood as well! Its not that you are anly less entitled to having a mood but i just dont need it."
ummm... this isn't just a mood. this is me almost every day im just letting it show for once. It doesn't matter to you that i feel like throwing up constantly. it doesnt occur to you that im not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough for you and everyone around me. It doesn't matter that i have said 'im fine' through tears so many times and you havent picked up on my shaky voice or watery eyes.
it doesnt matter that i have scars and fresh wounds that you cant see. it doesn't matter that im slowly breaking and i dont know what to do. it doesn't matter that i never feel loved or supported no matter what people tell me. it doesnt matter that i have incredibly bad self-esteem and pretty bad eating habits that involve either not eating or being sick. It doesn't fucking matter that this is me every day and nobody seems to see it. so im sorry if im in a mood but im really not ok.
i wish my thoughts would leave me alone.
YOU ARE READING
Notes - Phan High School AU
Fanfiction"Dear pianist, Your piano is out of tune, you might want to fix that." Mentions: self harm, depression, suicide attempts and other topics. Feel free to message me about any concerns :) Cover image: https://au.pinterest.com/pin/478296422904626132/
