You Don't Deserve My Love

Another.

I highkey hate this lol but I'm posting it anyway bc that's 2,000+ words of my life I'll never get back

(Mitch POV)

We never talk about Scott's infidelity. We acknowledge that it happened but there's no changing it so there was no need to dwell on it. Scott had a harder time with it than I did though. Whenever it was even hinted at he would become quiet and afraid like he was just waiting for me to kick him out again. That was my fault, I had spent way too long trying to keep him at arms length when I should've just accepted his mistake and moved on. I don't regret the time we spent apart because I needed that time for me, I needed to feel whatever emotions demanded to be felt because it led us to where we were today. But the years following that were wasted and that was entirely my fault. I was doing my best to make up for it now though.

The first 7 months of our relationship were rocky and not great but we were finally back to an honestly happy, healthy place.  Lily was ecstatic to have both her dad's under one roof and acting like a proper family again. We were in good place, as a family, as a couple, I was happy with where we were.

But Scott obviously wasn't. Him and subtlety were never good friends and when he started wanting another baby, I knew. Even Lily knew and the 8 year old was getting over excited about the idea of having a little brother or sister. I tried to tell her to keep it quiet from Scott because I didn't want him getting his hopes up about it.

I want another child... I think. Scott and I had planned to have another baby before the whole divorce but we were older now and Lily was older as well. She was well out of her 'diaper/throwing tantrum/not able to care for her at all' phase and I wasn't sure if I could go back to that. But a part of me, the biggest part, wanted to have another child to love on, another child with Scott. Sure, raising Lily was difficult at times, especially for me, but it was so worth it.

My inability to make a decision was what had me putting off Scott for weeks. He would make sad eyes at kids in the park and pout over diaper commercials on tv but he never complained or rushed me. I think he thought it wasn't something he could push me about because it was his fault the second child never happened when we wanted it to all those years ago. That wasn't even what was holding me back though and I wish I could've told him that but again, I didn't want to get his hopes up incase I changed my mind.

*

It was another few months later when I finally decided. I wanted another member to add to our family. I was 100% positive, I had even become pouty over babies now.

I don't want to say I wanted to see if Scott and I were ready for a baby because I knew we were. We had one before and we raised a damn good daughter if I do say so myself but I did want to see what it would be like to have another "baby" in the house before truly committing to anything. My struggle to cope with parenthood when we had Lily still plagued the back of my mind.  I didn't even run the idea by Scott when I begun my search for a puppy. A puppy would be close to having a child around without the risk of completely fucking up a life if we messed up, I just wanted to know if I could handle having another one.

I snuck out to get our new puppy whilst Scott was at work and Lily was in school. I just hoped Scott wouldn't be pissed at this but he loved dogs so it was only a little niggle at the back of my mind. I drove 2 hours outside of the city to pick up my new puppy from the breeder and she was adorable. She was a little tan pug with a black face and darker fur running down her back. She was perfect. I strapped her carrier into the passenger seat like a responsible parent and made it back just in time to pick Lily up from school.

I spotted my daughter running across the playground before she flung the passenger door open, only to stop with one foot halfway in the car. She looked at me, her brown eyes wide and hopeful.