You Don't Deserve My Love

Cookies

2012

Mitch didn't much feel like celebrating Christmas this year. He thought he would never have to spend another Christmas alone again, but Scott obviously had other plans.

It had been three months since Scott had flipped Mitch's entire world upside down, leaving him with a shattered heart and a confused 3 year old. That was maybe the hardest part of it all, when Lily would ask when daddy was coming home because Mitch didn't have a good answer to give her. He could hardly say "daddy fucked some other boy in our bed and now I never want him anywhere near me again". He usually just reminded her that daddy didn't live here anymore, with no explanation as to why. She certainly asked though, but Mitch was still working on what would be the best thing to say. He didn't want to distort Lily's view of her dad, no matter what his own very strong opinions were, so he kept his answers brief and to the point. "This isn't daddy's home anymore." "No, this is our home, me and you." "Daddy and papa aren't together anymore." "Yes, he's still your daddy and I'm still your papa."

He had managed to survive most of the festive season with only one major breakdown and a handful of minor ones. He was proud of himself but he was sure he wouldn't have been able to do it without his bubbly, optimistic daughter by his side.

It was Christmas Eve and the insufferable heartache was weighing down on him more than ever. All day, he had been feeling like he couldn't breathe properly, as though it physically pained him.

"Cookies, papa?"

Ever since that first year with Lily, it had become tradition to bake cookies as a family. It hurt him to think about continuing on as normal, making the cookies without Scott, but he wanted to keep as much as he could the same for Lily. She didn't need to suffer and miss out because her dad couldn't keep it in his pants for more than a few days.

"Yeah, we can go make cookies now."

Donning their matching elf pyjamas, father and daughter set up mixing together all the ingredients necessary for sugar cookies. They cut them into the shape of Santa and reindeers and trees, every Christmas related shape they could find, making the most of every single piece of dough.

"Look, papa! It an angel!" Lily exclaimed, pointing to the last cookie she cut.

"So it is. Will we put the angel with the rest of them and we can stick them in the oven?"

Lily smiled ready to agree when her little face fell and her brows scrunched together. "But... it bu'ny in the oven."

"Yeah, it's very burny in there so remember, that's papa's job. You don't touch the oven."

"Yeah but... the angel gon' get bu'ned."

Mitch couldn't help the smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth. Maybe he was biased, but he was sure there wasn't another child on earth as cute as his.

"She just needs to get all nice and toasty so you can eat her, but don't worry, she can handle it," Mitch assured with a chuckle.

That didn't seem to appease the toddler any as her face continued to stay scrunched up.

"But it gon' hu'ted her."

Mitch picked Lily up off the stool was kneeling on and perched her in his hip. "She won't get hurt, she'll be perfectly fine. She's a cookie and that's what all cookies want. They want to get cooked so clever little girls like you can eat them."