Hiraeth.Malik.

Chapter 8

Arabella Roberts

A week later

I felt bored and restless. I have been seeing Zayn a lot more around campus the past week. We never really got to talk just a smile or a wave here and there. But I was grateful.

I had asked Violet earlier about somewhere quite where I could just chill. She told me that there was a bridge a few miles away from campus but no one really goes there. I thought it was perfect. What more could I want than a date with the sky and the water with the moon and the stars shining over my head.

Walking to the bridge, the horizon in front of me was foggy and I wasn't able to see for more than a couple of metres forward.

Carefully, I took a seat on the right side of the bridge dangling my feet over the edge. Looking at the water, seeing how dark and gloomy it was. Just like me. I wasn't sure if I was just home sick or if I was feeling a bit under the weather lately. I felt like everything was going so fast and I was in the middle feeling as dizzy as one can be without tripping over their own feet.

Taking a deep breath, I started coughing. Smoke.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was here." A voice startled me, but I'd recognise that accent anywhere.

"Zayn?" I turned around as so did he.
"Arabella, hey."
"Hi what are you doing here?"
"I couldn't fall asleep. What about you ?" he said, putting the cigarette out.

Even though I hated smoking, and I was against it with every fibre in my being; he looked so hot blowing out the smoke. And maybe I was in fact doomed.

"I.. um ..same." even though that wasnt the reason, I blurted it out anyway because my mind seemed to go blank everytime he was near. I was putty in his hands. He could tell me to jump of the bridge right now and I would.

Taking a closer look at him, he looked troubled, pained even staring into space like he was remembering something he desperately wanted to forget.. maybe this was my chance to get him to open up a bit.

"Whats on your mind?" I asked with a hushed voice afraid that he'd snap because maybe it was none of my business. He looked at me for a bit shaking his head. "It's nothing."

He started getting up and I was worried he was gonna leave. Did what I say annoy him. Was i being that inconsiderate ?

"Can you hold my stuff for a bit? I just wanna head to the toilet at the edge of campus. it's not that far away." I felt relieved when he said those words. This means he isn't leaving just yet. he isn't leaving me just yet.

"Yeah sure." He handed me his phone his lighter and a pack of cigarettes. He started walking towards campus disappering in the darkness of the night.

Looking up at the sky, millions of stars shinning down on earth, the sea reflecting the moon light and the fog clearing up a bit. It had to be around midnight by now. It's been a bit since Zayn left for the toilet but I didn't feel worried. He has to come back to take his stuff. I checked my pocket for my phone but I couldn't find it. Maybe I left it in the dorm, so I pulled Zayn's out instead. Unlocking the phone to see what time it was, but I couldn't take my eyes off the wallpaper. It was of a beautiful blonde. Blue eyes, long hair, fair skin and a tiny frame. She was breathtaking, but that wasn't the reason why I found it hard to breathe. It was the fact that he was already in love with someone else while I was helplessly falling for him without even knowing him for that long. His smile could make you fall in love with just glance. A smile that rendered me speechless since day one.

It was like reality was slapping me hard across the face. Why did I even think that someone like him could like someone like me in the first place. Of course he's in love with someone as beautiful as he is. She's everything I'm not. She was tiny and I was tall. She was beautiful and I was average, she was blonde I was brunette. She had peircing blue eyes mine were plain boring brown eyes. She deserves him. I don't. I was doomed since the beginning and she wasn't.

"I'm back." His voice startled me, I looked up at him and in that moment I knew I could never be lucky to have him. I couldnt fix him. Someone was already doing that.

"What's wrong?" He looked at me, eyes concerned and brows raised. It was times like this that made me realise that I'm in love with an aesthetic. He was a work of art and I was a lucky passer by.

"Nothing I just have to go. I'll see you later. Or not." My words came out a jumbled mess while I was trying so hard not to cry. I didn't want to trouble him with my stupid feelings. He deserves to be free of trouble. And all I ever seem to bring is trouble.

Shoving the cigarette pack and the phone in his hands I hurried away. I couldn't let my self get anymore attached. It was agonizing. Once the dorms were in eye sight, I slowed down a bit it was cold and the wind was drying my tears to my cheeks. I was crying because someone like him was probably all I ever wanted and needed. But I couldn't have him. Because maybe, just maybe, he wasn't as doomed as I thought. And maybe, just maybe, I was much more doomed than I thought.

I put my hands in my pocket and my fingers hit something cold. I forgot to give him back his lighter and I was glad. I was going to stay away from Zayn and his lighter was the only part of him that I could have. and I wasn't planning on giving it back.

My head felt heavy and so did my heart and I wondered if I'll ever see more of the sky than the clouds in my mind, or if I'll ever hear more of this world more than my beating heart and my burning thoughts.

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