Hiraeth.Malik.

chapter 12

Arabella Roberts 

It's been a while since I've last talked to Zayn. We've both been so busy with college assignments and homework we haven't been in touch. Until last night. He sent me a text saying he had something urgent and important to tell me and that he couldn't postpone it anymore. I didn't want to get my hopes up so I tried not to overthink it. 

We were supposed to meet tonight in the cafe on campus, we usually went there for hot drinks in winter. I missed him so much and I wanted to hear his voice again after about 2 weeks of not seeing each other. I knew that I was leading myself down a dangerous road by letting myself fall more for him with each passing day but I couldn't help myself. He was just so caring and gorgeous and amazing it was hard to try and even drift my thoughts away from him for the slightest of time.

I got up to make myself some green tea to clear my head and help me think as I still had about an hour before I had to get ready. I knew a lot of girls would swoon over Zayn. I mean who wouldn't; he's everything a girl would want in a guy. He's smart, romantic, understanding , caring and most of all so so beautiful beyond what I could ever fathom. And I knew he wouldn't stick around forever. But I wanted him to. I needed him to. He was all I ever needed and could ever need. And I know that I will probably get my heart broken in the end but it doesn't matter. He would be so worth my while. If only I could have him as my lover for a little while. To experience what he has to offer me emotionally and mentally. To be able to call him mine would be enough. 

And I made up my mind to tell him I'm in love with him today before it's too late.

I finished my tea and got up to get ready. I wanted to look good for him. I wanted him to think I'm beautiful even if many girls out there were prettier than me. I just wanted him. I got dressed in a little black dress with a skater skirt style and some laced ivory flats. I left my hair naturally and put some light make up on. I looked good enough I hope. I got my phone and keys and headed for the cafe. 

Once I got there I found him already waiting for me on a table in the back with a coffee cup in front of him. He looked nervous and anxious and excited at the same time. But most importantly he looked stunning. He is the most beautiful human I have ever seen and it's not an exaggeration. 

I walk towards the table and he looked up at me once he noticed me approaching. He smiled that smile that made my heart soar every time.

"Hey, Bell", he said while getting up to hug me. His hugs were the warmest ever and they made me feel safe and at home. I wish I could tell him that soon.

"Hey, Zee. What's up?" I said while moving my hand discreetly to take his coffee cup. He looked at me in amusement as if to tell me I failed miserably at trying to be sneaky. I took a sip of his coffee which smelt like him. Caramel, a hint of smoke from the edge of the cup where he drank and a hint of cologne from where he was holding it. It was so welcoming and I closed my eyes letting the sweet smell engulf my senses.

"Nothing. Just wanted to talk to you about some stuff." he said while fiddling with his fingers which made me realize that he was nervous. 

"I wanted to tell you something as well but you go first." I decided to put it out there so I don't give myself a chance of chickening out . He had to know. And who knows, he might feel the same hopefully.

"well, I've been meaning to tell you this for a while but I always get cold feet and I never go through with it. I guess I just get nervous. I never felt like this about somebody since.. you know. But I think it's time I move on." I felt stunned. I forgot how to speak and the words wouldn't form on my tongue. Was he really doing this?

"There's this girl, her name is Lea and she's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. Every time I look at her she just takes my breath away. Since the very first time I saw her I knew I wanted to get to know her but I just didn't know how to approach her. She's so friendly with everyone and everybody loves her. I mean how could you not?" I could feel my lungs failing me and my eyes started stinging as the tears formed on the bottom of my eyes. After all this and he is in love with another? Why am I always the invisible girl? Why can I not for once get something I want. Was it too much to ask for something as good as this? For someone as amazing as Zayn?