*Trigger Warning*
•Alex
I feel the drowning feeling and yell and reach for something to pull me up but I can't. I scream but I'm muffled by the rushing water. I see a light and I grab at it but it's out of my reach. Then it turns into Harry. He's standing there, saying all of the things he said earlier, and more.
"Harry, I'm sorry!" I shout over and over until my throat burns and gives out.
I jolt up to Gabe shaking me, Stephen to my left and Kenn by the door.
"Gabe!" I shout and pull him in for a hug with the tears streaming down my face.
"Hey shhhh, it's okay. Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head. These happen like every few days. I've never been a good sleeper.
"Are you sure? It seems like it's getting worse."
"NO... no I'm okay," even though I know I'm not.
"What's the time?"
"Six A.M., but it doesn't hurt to start our weekend early," Kenn says.
"Let's go get breakfast in our pj's," Stephen reminds me. We used to do this every weekend, but now... not so much.
I swing my legs over the side of the bed and head for the bathroom.
I look in the mirror and see a very broken girl with a tear stained face. I hate to see her this way. But I know I can try to fix her, by forgetting.
I wash my face and try to drown my nightmare out. I've been having several surreal dreams for about the past 2 months. I don't know what they though. The water, the drowning... I need to erase it out of my mind.
I walk downstairs not even bothering to fix my hair. I'll just have to keep pushing it out of my face. I see the guys in the living room.
"Ready?" Kenn is a real morning person. I don't see how people do this.
I nod even though I'd rather sleep all day.
Once we get in the car, some pop song blasted through the speakers. Stephen instantly changed it to rock.
"Much better."
We finally arrive at the diner. Which couldn't be close enough considering Stephen and Kenn would sing at the top of their lungs whenever any song would come on and Gabe would pinch my cheek when I would ask them, more like tell them to stop. For some reason it was "cute" to him. I hated when he did this, but it made him happy so I never fought him on it.
We head inside and Gabe's friend Tony seats us. I get stuck sitting by Stephen, but it's too early for his voice. I switch and sit next to Mr. Cheek-pincher instead.
One more of his dumb ass jokes... they kind of remind me of Harry. I wonder what he's doing right now? I wish I could be sitting next to him instead.
"Alex?" I snap out of my day dream.
"Sorry, yes?"
"What do you want?" I look up and recognize Tim. Tim has worked at this diner ever since I first moved here. His silver hair was always swept to the side with gel and he usually smelled like the same old spice scent.
"Um the usual please Tim. Thank you," he nods his head and leaves.
"What was that all about? Whatcha thinkin'?" Now I have to explain my thoughts to Gabe even though I can't even explain it to myself.
"He just consumes my mind now,"
He gave me a sad kinda look and side hugged me.
"You'll be okay. We've made it this far now haven't we?"
"Just barely." I mumble.
"Well that's all that matters."
After we are done eating, we drive back home with the guys doing he same thing except I actually tapped my fingers to the songs. I can't let Harry take up any more of my life.
We kick off our shoes by the door and head to Kenn's room, where the video games are. I sit on the floor. I couldn't care less right now. Kenn asks me to play him in some shooting game, now I'm focused in on the game like I'm really in it.
I win the first three rounds and the guys were jealous and decided to pick teams. Of course they fight over me, but I'm burnt out on this.
I walk out and down the hall into the kitchen. I just need a breather. I reach up to grab a glass for water, but it slips out of my shaky hands and falls to the floor.
The guys come running in, Kenn follows shortly in his wheelchair. I really miss the times when we would wrestle together and try to smash water balloons on each other's heads. I miss the old Kenn. Well not really old Kenn, he's still here and I'm grateful everyday for that.
They look at me in shock as I stand there with glass in my feet. I try my hardest not to cry, but I'm so emotionally drained I can't hold it in any longer.
A tear rolls down my cheek along with a yelp. Seeing the glass sticking in the sides and tops of my feet made me lose it.
Gabe picked me up and sat me on the counter. Thank goodness for Gabe. I honestly don't know how I would've got around the mess I made.
As they picked it up the shards, I stared at my bloody feet. I can't remember the last time I had cute in my skin. It feels kind of... good. It almost seems like that's the only thing that keeps me sane.
"Here I'll wipe your feet." He starts to wipe but I feel the glass go deeper.
"It's okay. I'll go get the glass out in the bathroom." I get up to walk and he tries to help me.
"I can do it myself." I remind him. He throws his hands in the air and backs away.
I get to the bathroom and use tweezers to remove all the glass from my feet, but I wasn't satisfied. I search everywhere for the blade. I open the cupboard and finally see it reflecting off the light.
I roll up my sleeves and take my bracelets off. Here goes nothing. I touch the cool blade to my skin. I love the feeling. I don't even gasp as I slide it across my wrist.
I continue for what seems like hours of bliss. The pain is my guilty pleasure.
As I stare at the blood pooling on the floor, the doorknob jiggles. Next thing I know, the door swings open to reveal Stephen. His face went white when he saw the blade in my hand.
"Alex... are you... what... what have you done?"
*****
YOU ARE READING
Why me?! (Harry Styles Fanfic)
Фанфик*** Why do some boys look as though they could burn a whole city, but they've never hurt a fly? They seem as if they punch holes in the walls, but they're the ones who kiss their moms goodbye before they leave. Everyone has fears, even the the boy w...
