That One Bad Fanfic

DON'T NEED NO MAN

YO BITCHES.

WASSUP?

My name is a really unique quirky name that no one has ever seen before and you really aren't sure how to pronounce it.

Good luck making ship names.

Anyways, I'm usually pretty short, but not midget sized.

I always dress impeccably and I use big words like impeccably to reinforce the idea that I am inhumanly smart.

I am a member of a nerdy fandom.

Always.

I just spontaneously combusted because of that last sentence.

But, most importantly, MEN SUCK!

THAT'S RIGHT! I HATE GUYS! I AM A STRONG, INDEPENDENT, RACIALLY UNCLEAR WOMAN WHO DON'T NEED NO MAN!!!

Wait a minute.

Who are they?

Five boys around 20 all looking like gods?

Holy shit.

THEY ARE SO FUCKING HOT!!

DEAR GOD, CAN I BE STRAPPED TO THEIR BEDS NOW???

Where was I?

Oh, yeah. I DON'T NEED A GUY!!

WOAH ONE OF THEM IS TALKING TO ME!!!!!

RESIST THE URGE TO POUNCE!!

He looks familiar.

However, I will not describe his appearance at all, so you are never sure which one I actually like.

Teehee.

HE JUST ASKED ME OUT! PRAISE YEEZUS!!

Wait...

I hate men.

TIME TO TURN THIS FINE MAN DOWN!

I can hear you guys screaming how stupid I am from behind this screen and I find it quite rude.

NOW you know who he is.

You think.

Oh?

He still likes me and is trying to be my friend?

Really?

Never expected that.

Oh wait. One singular point of view from the guy I find fine, but I will deny that I find fine whenever anyone asks.

How intriguing.

Big word game strong.

OH HELL NO.

YOU ALL FIND OUT HE'S A DOUCHE.

NOT SURE HOW, BUT YOU ALL WENT FROM WANTING ME TO MARRY THIS GUY TO WANTING ME TO TEAR HIS THROAT OUT!

HOW THE PLOT THICKENS!

As you find out he's a dick, I start to fall for him.

Please stop shouting at the screen.

It's giving me a headache.

Thanks.

AW LOOK!

I've opened up my heart to boys again.

Aw.

Too bad he's a dick.

Lovey dovey scenes.

You are slowly forgetting about his idiocy right now.

BOOM!

I FIGURE IT OUT!

HE'S A DICK!

AND I HATE MEN AGAIN!

CONFLICTED FEELS FOR ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!!

Boohoo, I'm sad because I love him.

But

I hate him.

Ugh.

He's back.

I don't want to deal with him.

WAIT HE HAS FLOWERS!!

THAT MAKES UP FOR EVERYTHING!!

SEQUEL TIIIIIIIME!!

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Author's note.

Oh how I missed these.

I apologize for not updating anything in ten thousand years but I'm in grade 12 so I got a lot of shit going on.

BUT

winter break is coming in 10 days! And I will get updates (possibly double updates because I was really sucky) for you by the 21 of December on my honour or let Umbridge come into my home and burn all my Harry Potter books while screaming that Fred deserved to die.

DEDICATED TO Oreo_Milkshake because she reminded me by COMMENTING *hint hint* that I had this story whoops

MERRY CHRISTMAS

--Rae :D