As Told By Nerdy

Chapter 51 - Goodbyes

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Chapter 51 – Goodbyes

“Do you remember that Valentine’s Day in kindergarten? You know… when I gave you my heart… I mean the valentine heart I made for you?”

I remembered Matt saying that after our double date had been ruined last April. We were sitting in Matt’s car as I tolerantly waited for Leon to be done with beating the crap out of Larkin Frost—the freakishly creepy man with beady eyes who tried to assault me.

It occurred to me that I never really thought about it until now. I stared at the biscuit box for a few seconds, trying to recall everything Matt had said that night.

“No… why?” I said.

“Try to remember…” He encouraged, waiting for an answer that didn’t come. “Let me remind you then, that you dumped me.”

“I did?”

“If you want proof, get a shovel and dig it under the tree in your front yard.”

So that was it. I could only recall hazy memories about that one Valentine’s Day during kindergarten. Matt was my best friend back then. In fact, he was my only friend. I remembered exactly how he looked; a chubby little boy with big honest eyes.

Our classmates used to tease him about it a lot. Lots of times, I remembered throwing the gristly cupcakes Mom used to put in my lunch box at the boys and girls calling him Fat Matt. The cupcakes were as hard as cannon balls and oftentimes, I had to go home carrying a report letter from my preschool teacher about my tendency for violent behavior.

When the bullies leave, Matt would sit on a corner and cry.

“Someday, we’ll show them. You’ll be Macho Matt… or something,” I said patting his dark hair to cheer him up. “I know. Here,” I handed him the Valentine card I made in class. “I made it for my Dad but it’s yours if you want it.”

A small smile painted on his face as Matt wiped the tears on his sleeves. That afternoon, Matt came at our usual playtime, carrying a tin box of animal crackers which we ate under the tree in front of my house.

“Here,” he said smiling as he handed me a handmade heart-shaped card with hearts scribbled in crayon all over it. “Happy Valentines.”

With a smile, I read the letter aloud. “D-dear M. P. Sa-rah,” I started frowning. “What’s M.P.?”

He smiled shyly and answered with a small voice. “My pr-princess Sarah.”

I dropped the shovel I was holding and shook my head, shifting my eyes between Matt and the old biscuit box. Suddenly, I remembered the note he wrote on my face on my last birthday; M.P. Sarah. “Don’t tell me—“

“Yep,” Matt breathed uneasily. “My last resort.” He brushed the dirt off the lid and opened.

The cards were still there. I bit my lip.

“Come on, Matt. We were five back then.” I complained trying to get the cards from him but he shoved my hand before I could touch them. “We didn’t know what we’re doing.”

“I did.”

“Come again?”

“I knew what it meant and I mean it; every word of it,” he said calmly meeting my eyes. “You promised.”

I got on my feet and brushed the dirt off my knees. “That’s not fair, Matt. I was five.”

He stayed seated on the ground and read the card in silence. Then he handed it to me. When I flipped the heart shaped cover, I couldn’t help but feel sorry and touched at the same time.