don't be a fool [s.m]

chapter 23

shawn

my eyes undulated, the shiny morning sun flashing against my light brown orbs. i rolled over, amanda's slumbered face looking beautifully untouched, her baby hairs framing her carefully sculpted facial features.

i moved my hand to her exemplary complexion, rubbing her warm cheek softly with the pad of my thumb.

"mhm," she mumbles, her eyes flickering open with such luminous desires. 

my sight remains on her green whirlpools as she examines my face. i watch her with a sensible amount of love roaring through me, all which was reserved for her.

i feel amanda getting closer, the empty space between our bodies filling.

my eyes flicker from her eyes to her lips, suddenly wanting to feel them on my own.

i smile, my head coming in contact with her forehead. i can feel her breath brush over my lips, the air getting thicker. as if it was pushing us further, her lips glided over mine, softly and slowly.

amanda

i grab a fist full of his hair, my fingers tugging at the tips of his soft brunette curls. i feel his hand grip the nape of my neck, pulling me in for a deeper kiss.

"shawnn," i slur into the midst of breathless huffs taken in by the male repeatedly attacking my lips.

"w-what?" his chest rises and falls over and over again, taking a longer break than the ones he was previously taking.

i glance at the clock, my eyes popping st the sight. 8:04 a.m.

"school starts in ten minutes," i screech, scrambling to a standing position. i feel my head become dizzy, my body starting to fall. shawn's arms are felt around my waist, securely holding me up.

"we're not going to school today, okay?" he asks and i nod, rubbing a hand over my forehead.

he picks me up bridal style, carrying me back over to the bed and setting me down.

he circled around, sliding back in on the other side. he gives me one of those looks. the look of sexual interaction.

"shawn," i sigh, fiddling with my fingers. i feel like that's all he wants from me.

"what?" he asks, concern taking over his body language and facial expression.

"do you like me?"

"of course. i lov-"

"or do you just want me for sex?" the question feels more like a yell to me than a calm and collective question. the room goes silent, shawn's eyes growing furious, the once loving flame turning into a mad one.

shawn

how could she even think that?! we've been friends for nearly eight years, and dating for a short amount of time and she thinks i only want her for sex?! how low of her.

"leave," i huff, crawling out of my bed.

"w-what?" her words shake, signaling she's noticed her mistake.

"leave!" i shout, pointing to the door.

"w-why?" her face slumps into a sad look.

"just get the fuck out, amanda!!" i shout again, looking away. i was hoping she would come up to me and embrace me in one of her warming hugs, but she didn't. when i looked back, she was gone.

amanda

"stop crying!!" i yell at myself, furiously rubbing my eyes as i rush to my house. with just my luck, the sky cracks around me, releasing the rain of a thousand clouds. i pulled my bag closer to me, trying to keep it dry as much as i could.

i knew i had made a mistake the second the words slipped my mouth. i knew in my heart shawn loved me for who i was. not because i was his sex partner, but because he saw me as a good person. i guess my mind just wasn't in the same rhythm as my heart.

i reached my house, pulling my key out from my cross body bag and unlocking the door.

i drag myself inside, locking it back behind me. i drop my bag and kick off my shoes, running upstairs for my bed.

i collapse on the mattress, screaming into one of my softest pillows.

"i'm such an idiot," i cry, the warm tears becoming too much to wipe away.

my chest bursts into what feels like a forest fire, my anxiety taking over my thoughts. i ball my fists tightly, my nails leaving imprints on my palms, my breathing becoming too difficult to contain.

i knew this wasn't right, i haven't had an attack in forever. i guess i thought nothing would ever happen again, and shawn and i were going to be on good terms forever. how embarrassing it was to think that, something always happens.

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a/n i had a dream that my biological dad tried to kill my mom.. can my dreams at least be happy oNES thanks.

xx, no ones fav, char

p.s just ignore the depressing thoughts i have about myself kk thanks