don't be a fool [s.m]

chapter 24

amanda

i didn't know what to think anymore. it seems like shawn and i are trying to bike over an impossible-to-get-over incline. we get halfway up, and slide back down again.

i've tried calling him, which he obviously didn't bother to answer. he left me on read after i sent numerous messages to him about how i was sorry and i didn't mean to say it to him that way. and how i knew he loved me for more than sex. none of which he believed.

shawn and i have been on again off again since eighth grade, and i'm almost done fighting for it. i'm sick of the constant arguing, and the constant feeling of worry that i'll say something wrong to him at the pit of my stomach. so much can happen before i actually say something wrong.

i sniffle, wiping my puffy eyes. they ached as i blinked the rest of my tears away. i pull my phone out, sending a final text to shawn.

me: i think we need a break. to re-evaluate ourselves

read; 6:28 p.m

me: shawn fucking answer

me: you could at least say something

me: anything, please

shawn

i clenched my jaw as i read her text over and over and over again. i think we need a break.

why would she ever think that? i mean, yeah i'm pissed she'd think i only wanted to have sex with her, but i didn't think she'd break it off.

my eyes were shut tightly , my facial muscles firm. i lay my phone down calmingly, trying my best not to rage.

i stood on my feet, my legs extending to their full length. i walk to my staircase, walking down them and out to my black four door jeep. i start it up after buckling my large frame in securely, the engine roaring to life.

-

amanda

i wrap my fuzzy sweater around me, the cold breeze swiping me by surprise. i sat outside with my right leg over my left, a cup of tea grasped firmly in my small hand.

i watched as cars passed by, thinking of what each driver's life could be like. some with cheerful and specifically appointed lives, others with a stressed and thought-dispersed mind set.

i also watched as a woman in her 80s walked down the sidewalk of my street. she looked cold, in need of hydration and food as you could see her bony structure in plain sight.

"ma'am!" i called, making my way down to her. she looked to her side, her beautiful emerald eyes lighting up as she smiled at me.

"hi sweetheart, can i h-help you?" she stutters, the cold making her fidgety.

"no," i chuckle, "but can i help you? would you like to come inside and warm up?" i ask her and she smiles, her dead dipping up and down. i smiled back, guiding her towards the entrance of my house.

we walk in, the warm air beginning to fill in the cold pockets of wind as i shut the door.

"here, sit down, rest. would you like some warm tea?" i ask her.

"yes, thank you, darling," she responds, her sweet voice becoming more evident now that the coldness wasn't taking her over. i begin making her tea, silently tapping my fingers on the counter as i waited. as seconds ticked by, i could feel a sudden outburst of anxiety begin to grow within me.

but before it could consume me, the tea maker stops producing and starts beeping. i pull the container out, pouring the hot liquid into one of my favorite mugs. i set the glass that held the tea back and walked over to the lady at my table, handing the cup to her.

"what's your name?" she asks me, taking a small sip as i sat down in front of her.

"amanda, amanda yates," i introduce, smiling at her sweetly.

"i'm ezra greene, nice to meet you," she says, smiling at me. i flash her yet another smile, rubbing my forehead as i continued to stress.

"amanda, you seem.. upset," she tells me, looking at me in an "hold on, i'm going to try to figure this out" kind of way.

"that's one way to describe it," i huff.

"let me help," she says, continuing to observe me. i felt self conscious, but didn't move. i wanted to see if she could figure me out just by looking at me.

"a boy," she slices the thick air down the middle, the words as loud as a gunshot to me. "you're having troubles with a boy."

"yeah," i suck in a deep breath, "my best friend and boyfriend."

"an argument between the two?" she asks, her eyebrows furrowing into one.

"oh, no, i mean my he's best friend and also my boyfriend," i explain and she responds with an, "oh."

"this is going to sound weird but," i say, "he got upset because i said that i thought he only liked me for.. you know.. sex.. but it came out way worse than i intended. and now we're in a mess."

"sweety, just tell him how you meant to say it. if he's a good guy, he'll understand," she says and i shrug.

"i don't know. i think i messed up this time, not him, and if he doesn't want to forgive me, i guess that's okay."

"do you love him?" she asked me and i smiled.

"more than anything," i tell her and she smiled, her dimples prominently placed in her cheeks.

"then fight for him. call him, text him, go to his house," she tells me.

"i already called and texted him. and i know he's getting them, he just won't answer," i respond.

"have you tried going over to him personally?" she asks me and i shake my head, "i don't thin-"

"don't doubt yourself. go over there, tell him how you feel and apologize. let him know you love him and why you were wrong. if he doesn't forgive you, he isn't good for you," she says and i suck in a deep breath.

"are you sure?"

"absolutely."

"let's do this, ezra,"

-

xx, char