don't be a fool [s.m]

chapter 28

amanda

the way ezra made it sound, i thought this whole 'take your time thing' was supposed to be easy. boy, was i wrong.

it's been three weeks. three long, tiring weeks. and at school we always pass each other, and he gives me the worst look. not a bad look, just a very sorrowful look, and it feels like it's really hurting him.

on a different note, i haven't been enjoying watching my grades gradually drop. i stopped paying attention in class and muted everything out, and all i thought about was him.

i wish i could get him out of my head, but it's so difficult to just erase the person that you spent the last eight years of your life with. he was my best friend, my boyfriend. he's always supposed to be there for me, and i'm always supposed to be there for him. and i get that as a young kid in high school, i'm supposed to learn to be independent. but shawn and i, we weren't used to being so far apart. we weren't made for that, we were made to be together, we were made to stay together.

and it's just silly really, we were never the type to argue, or to push each other off. we always enjoy being around each other, it was just the type of love we shared. we never got bored of each other, and we never sassed at each other. we never had any problems, but things change. people change. and that's okay, shawn and i just need to work on ourselves and continue to accept one another as we grow, as we change.

i genuinely wanted to apologize, i knew he was waiting for me to crawl back to him, and i didn't want him to wait. i was never going to be ready to come back, but i have to go back sometime, because there's never a 'good' time. and i don't want to just stop everything with him, i wanted to be with him, i knew that. i gave it time like ezra said, and now i'm ready. i'm so ready.

i suck in a deep breath, shutting my biology textbook. i grab my phone and check the time, 2 p.m.

i made the decision to go to his house. it wasn't too late and wasn't too early, and i knew he'd be home.

i roll off of my bed, changing into something more appealing than jeans and a oversized sweater. i pulled on my white converse and grabbed my keys, walking outside and hopping in my car.

-

i shifted into a parking position and took a deep breath.

you can do this amanda.

i pushed a loose strand of my straight blonde hair behind my ear, blinking a few times before getting out and walking up to the door. i repeat everything again before knocking.

"hey.. amanda," the door creaks open slowly, the tall structure of the one and only shawn mendes standing in front of me. his tufts of brown hair were sloppy, and his eyes were a deep brown, different than their normal caramel color.

"hi shawn," i offer a toothless smile and he smiles back, but his didn't have as much effort as mine.

"wh-what are you doing here?" he asks me and i breathe, closing my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again.

"i'm sorry," i bust, "i- i know you've been waiting for me to come back, i know you've missed me. and i don't mean to sound full of myself, i mean, i missed you too, but when i saw you in school you looked like a mess and i felt so guilty and i knew it was because of me and i don't know i just felt the need to apologize because you know how i get i just wanted to make things up to you," i rant and he blankly stares at me for a few seconds, then flashes me a real smile.

"well i'm glad to know you think of me so much," he chuckles and i roll my eyes, punching him playfully.

"only you, mendes," i tell him and gaze up at him. his smile slowly fades, but in a good way.

i feel his lips crash onto mine, like a wave on the seaside. the feeling felt so indescribable, i couldn't get enough.

i pushed him back into his house and he picks me up, carrying me upstairs and somehow keeping a good connection between our lips.

he lays me down on his soft bed and i can feel his large frame hover over me.

"amanda," he breathes, "i've never told you this, but i love you because you know how to make me happy. not because of our sexual intercourse. you understand that, right?" he asks me and i gulp.

"of course i do," i whisper back and pull his lips back into mine. a few seconds later, his lips part from mine and he peppers kisses down my neck as i thread my fingers through his soft brunette curls.

"amandaa," he moans, the sound causing waves of vibration to travel down my neck.

i slip my shirt off and he smiles, kissing down the middle of my chest, where it was bare.

he follows my lead, taking off his shirt as well. i smile down at his defined stomach, tracing my small fingertips along his abs.

i wrap my arms around the nape of his neck and pull his lips onto mine again.

"i love you, mendes. so so much," i whisper against them softly.

"i love you, too, amanda marie."

-

a/n smh this was so bad i'm sorry

xx, char