Fluffy's FIFTH Book of Randomness and Boredom [MEMES, SCREAMS, AND A CRAZY TEEN]

Life

Ugh... I honestly hate some aspects of my life right now

I don't know, I guess this chapter will be kinda be a vent... so you don't have to feel inclined to read or anything. I just wanna let some stuff out.

Ever since the beginning of the month (and towards the end of September), I've gotten these weird... sensations at night.

I've noticed that they normally happen at the EXACT same time every night, no matter the timezone (since I went on that New York trip). From the time span of about 6:30 to 7 (Pacific Time), I just get... touchy.

Well, it starts off as being touchy. The tiniest thing can get on my nerves and cause a full-on panic attack. I start hyperventilating, my vision goes blurry, and I get this absolutely HORRIBLE feeling in my stomach.

In that moment, my imagination goes wild. I start thinking about what would happen if everything I've ever known and loved was taken away from me or changed. I think about everything that's wrong with my life... and then I just want to go to sleep to end the day, and hope I won't wake up...

The weird thing is, this lasts from about 3-10 minutes in the given timeframe.

Then, once it's over, it'll be GONE. Like I was never messed up in the first place.

Rarely, there's aftershocks.

These things really stress me out and boost up my anxiety. Not to mention, sometimes, they bring me to tears.

They're debatably worse than the panic attacks I have when I'm put in a bad scenario. It's especially scary... when you KNOW it's gonna happen.

They happen everywhere, too. From my own bedroom, to the shower, to a volleyball game, to a restaurant...

I hate them. I hate them so much. But... they're just the crap I have to deal with.

Also, on another topic... I'm kinda worried about my health, too.

Now, I'm not saying I'm in BAD shape. I'm a pretty athletic person (though it may not show on my body), and I live a pretty healthy lifestyle. Well... aside from staying indoors and crying over anime all day...

For a month now, I've rarely been HUNGRY. I feel absolutely stuffed/full almost every hour of the day, even around mealtime. My stomach always feels a bit queasy and twisty, like I've just come back from an all-you-can-eat Mexican buffet or some shit.

If I eat/drink a SINGLE OUNCE over my stomach limit, boom. Horrible stomachache that lasts for hours.

I get one of these almost every night, too.

Another thing about this is my BURPING. Yeah... I burp. MORE THAN A GIRL MY AGE SHOULD.

Some people know about this... some people here have even heard these. It's one thing to laugh at a girl who burps like a guy, but it's another thing when after you drink literally ANYTHING (including water), you're nonstop burping for hours.

I can't even control it... they just happen. Not to mention the horrible taste in my mouth that takes forever to go away.

So there's that, too.

And school... I don't know. School has been hell.

I should have straight A's. I've been that way for the past 5 quarters, and I'm not loosing my streak. But lately... I haven't been motivated at all. I know I can do the work... I just don't WANT to.

I'm way ahead of my age group/grade when it comes to school. I feel like I should move a grade up, even.

But sometimes, I can't even show it.

I'm just... lazy.

I do only enough to get by. Nothing more.

I know I'm CAPABLE of doing more. I just don't want to.

I'm worried about my grades...

Yeah.

That's the main crap in my life right now.

I could go into more detail, like how I'm really disappointed in my volleyball skills lately, or the way I find myself acting at school, but I don't want to go on forever. Plus, I'm really tired... I just wanted to put this out there, since it's been on my mind a lot lately.

Yeah. I'm going to sleep now... I need it.

If you read all of this, thanks, I guess... venting always makes me feel better.

:)

AND THANKS MR. ONLINE QUIZ

FOR SAYING THERES A 2/3 CHANCE I CAN GET DEPRESSION

AND OVER A 75% CHANCE THAT I'M BIPOLAR

I don't trust this stuff man why do I take these quizzes again