Him or Her? // Joshler

Chapter 7: What Now?

(josh's POV)
Fourteen hours since the kiss. Every time I close my eyes, I can feel Tyler on my lips again.
I'm so confused. I love Tyler, he's my best friend, but maybe it's something more than that. We've always been something more than best friends, something special... But it's not so platonic anymore.
I hate myself for letting this happen. Tyler is married. Tyler and Jenna are happy, or at least they were? I don't know. I don't want to hurt Jenna at all, she makes Tyler happy, but I want Tyler.

(trigger warning: thoughts of self harm, but no actual self harm)

(tyler's POV)
My head is spinning. I can't take it anymore, so I decide to FaceTime Zack. Should I tell him? Would he freak out?
I call and my phone rings a couple times before it says "connecting..."
"Hey, Ty, wassup?" Zack says through the phone with a smile on his face.
"Hey," I pause, "Do you have a minute to talk?"
"Yeah, of course. Is everything alright?"
"Not really. Things aren't so great right now, my head hurts," I say, squinting my eyes and rubbing my forehead.
"Is something happening? Is it Jenna?" He says with a concerned look.
"No-" I stop, "Well, sort of?"
"Ty, you're not making sense," Zack sighs, "What's going on?"
"Um...," I think, chewing my lip, "It's about Josh... We..."
"Yes?" Zack cuts in, looking annoyed.
"JoshandIkissed," I spit out, wincing.
Zack's eyes are wide and his mouth is partly opened.
"You kissed?" He says, bewildered.
I nod sheepishly.
"I didn't know you liked him...," He looks off past the camera, "Shit- I didn't know you liked guys."
"I didn't really know either."
Zack suddenly looks into the camera, his eyes looking panicked.
"Jenna," He states, more than asks.
"Yeah...," I feel a familiar knot in my throat, "Zack I don't know what to do."
A tear rolls down my cheek and I bite my lip to keep a sob in.
"Well," He pauses and thinks, "Was it just an 'in the moment' thing, or are you, like, in love with him?"
I let a sob escape from my chest.
"Oh no...," Zack says, concerned, "I'm guessing it wasn't a fleeting feeling."
I shake my head no as tears flow down my cheeks.
"Oh Tyler, I'm so sorry," He says quietly and I hear his voice catch.
"What do I tell Jenna?" I say as I try to calm down.
"If this is serious- like you don't want to be with Jenna anymore- you have to tell her," He replies. I wince at the thought of leaving Jenna.
I hear the front door open and my eyes widen.
"She's home, I gotta go," I say, panic lacing my words.
"Okay, text me bro, love you."
"Love you too," I say as I end the call and rush to wipe the tears off of my face.
Jenna walks into the room.
"Who was on the phone?" She asks as she closes the door, and her eyes enlarge, "Tyler have you been crying?"
I hold back from letting tears brim.
"No, well yeah, it's nothing. I'm fine," I lie as I try to seem casual.
"Tyler don't lie to me," She looks hurt, "Something is up; you've been acting really strange lately. Please talk to me."
I bite down on my inner cheek a little too hard and taste blood on my tongue.
"I'm sorry," I feel the tears brim, "I don't know what to tell you."
"Just tell me what's going on!" Her eyes fill with tears too.
"I just," I pause to think, "I feel like- I don't know. Jenna, do you feel like our- like our spark has faded?" The words feel like venom in my mouth.
She looks shocked, tears begin to streak her face.
"What do you mean?" She chokes out.
My body is aching to just fold over and sob.
Jenna stares at me for a moment, then grabs her keys and storms out.
"Jenna- wait!" I call out and rush after her.
She ignores me, gets in the car, and drives away.
I let every emotion I've been holding in take over my body.
I run to the bathroom and sink to the floor.
You're an absolute fuck up.
I claw at the skin on my arms and look up at the razors in the shower. No no no. I focus on the three black lines on my wrist. I am stronger than this.
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well that was depressing!! is this story okay??