Him or Her? // Joshler

Chapter 8: Love

Get up, get up, get up.
I slowly pick myself up off of the bathroom floor and look in the mirror. My eyes are red from crying and my face is still glistening with tears.
The only person that would make me feel better right now is Josh, and he's kind of the problem.
I debate whether or not to go see him anyways, and decide I really need him right now.
My eyes struggle to keep in focus as I drive to Josh's house.
I take a deep breath and knock on his door.
Josh opens the door and smiles upon seeing me, but quickly notices my red eyes.
"Tyler, what wrong?" He says with panic in his voice, as he rushes me in and we sit on the couch in Josh's living room.
"Josh," I hold my breath and let it out, "I think I'm in love with you?"

(josh's POV)
My heart stops when Tyler says those words.
He sees the shock in my eyes and quickly averts his eyes.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, I'll just go," He says and starts to get up.
"No, no, Tyler," I say and grab his arm to stop him from getting up.
We sit it silence for a short moment.
"I think I'm in love with you too," I say once I muster up the courage.
His eyes look incredibly happy but incredibly sad at my confession.
"I don't know what to do about it," Tyler sobs with his head in his hands and his back hunched over. I pull him closer and rub his back.
"Hey it's okay, Ty," I attempt at comforting him.
"What do I tell Jenna?" He says, his speech muffled through his hands.
My heart sinks.
"Do you mean...," I bite my lip, hoping I don't speak out of line, "Do you mean that you don't love her anymore..?"
Tyler looks at me with eyes consumed by sadness.
"I- I do love Jenna... but I don't know if it's romantic love, or whatever. I'm so confused, Josh. Josh, I...," He begins to say something and trails off, looking unsure of himself.
"Tyler, it's okay, you can tell me," I soothe him.
"I want to be with you," He admits and looks into my eyes, this time looking torn and distraught.
My heart skips a beat.
"And I understand if you don't feel the same," He adds on.
I stop rubbing his back and grab his hand.
"I want to be with you, too," I confess and my heart aches.
"I'm scared," Tyler chokes on his words and fights back tears.
"Me too," I say and put my arm around him, pulling him close as we cry into each other's embrace.

(jenna's POV)
I drive back home after being gone for a while, and when I walk in, I see Tyler sitting on the couch. He's not watching TV or eating, he's just sitting there, staring at the wall.
"Hey," I say.
Tyler jumps and looks up at me as I sit on the couch next to him.
"Oh hey, you're home," He softly smiles. I can see in his eyes that he's sad.
"Listen, I'm sorry I stormed out earlier. It was just a tough thing to hear and I needed some space," I bite my lip and await his response.
"It's fine," He shrugs, "I'm sorry, too, I haven't been completely honest with you lately."
A moment of screaming silence passes.
"You can tell me anything, Tyler," I say.
"Well," He starts, "I don't know how to say it, nor do I really want to say it..."
"Then let me guess," I suggest and he nods.
"Okay, so," I pause and think, "It's about the whole 'no spark' thing, right?"
He nods hesitantly.
"Did you meet someone?" I ask.
He bites his lip.
"Um, well, no," He answers, it almost sounds like a question.
"But there is someone in the way?"
He nods.
"And it's someone you already know?" I furrow my brow in thought.
He nods again.
He hasn't seen many people these past few weeks, at least that I'm aware of.
"The only person I know of you being around lately is Josh," I shrug.
He raises his eyebrows and squints his eyes.
"Wait, Josh? It's really Josh?" I let out a breathy laugh.
"Yes, it is," He says with a serious tone.
I search his eyes for a clue to tell me what's going on.
"I don't get it," I decide.
"Josh," He motions to the empty space next to him, "and me," He points to himself.
"What about you and Josh? Is he, like, upset and wants you to hang out with him more?" I inquire.
He looks exasperated.
"No, no, it's not that," He tilts his head back in frustration.
"Me and Josh," He says with emphasis and gives me a 'come on, Jenna' kind of look.
Does he mean...
"Wait," I shake my head, "Josh has feelings for you? You have feelings for him?" My eyes are practically bulging out of my head.
He leans onto the back of the couch with a plop, and looks straight up to the ceiling.
"Yes."
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this story is really depressing so far, but it'll get better (i hope). i have another joshler fic sitting in my drafts right now and it's a completely different vibe. idk when i'm going to start posting it??
aaand i haven't updated in a while bc i'm not in a great place right now but i'm hoping things start to change soon/:
thanks for reading xx