Paralyzed

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Victoria

Games: 5

Sometimes I really wish I could just shave my head. Carson was right, it does suck. Sucks the biggest balls ever. It wasn't that bad, I actually thought my hair was pretty freaking awesome until...

"No, Victoria. Don't think of him. If you start thinking about it, you'll get flash backs, hallucinate and have anxiety attacks or hyperventilate. You know I can't help you because I'm dragged in too."

I close my eyes and focus on him, cold tears rolling down my cheeks. My grip tightens on the bathroom sink.

"Gosh, I miss you. I know you're here with me and have helped me but it's just not the same. I miss your hugs; you're insane stories you'd tell me when we hid from him. I miss looking into your eyes full of so much confidence, even though you were scared too. James has your eyes..."

He's silent, I can feel him drop his head in shame and reach out to me, the pain too much because he knows there's nothing we can do.

"Hey, I'm still right here. I promise, once we get out of this. Once our curse is broken, I'll never leave your side." I can feel his warmth as he hugs me with assurance. I nod, sniffling and wiping my tears away. His sorrowful laugh fills my head.

"Remember the first time your hair changed colors? You were so terrified and blaming me for coloring it with sharpie in your sleep." I laugh along with him as we relive our memories together and sit down on the toilet.

"Yeah, you just kept laughing at me. Mom would just sit there with the happiest smile on her face, even though she was chained up to a wall. She told me it was the way we express ourselves. You thought it was so cool because it looked just like yours."

"It was! You're always so different from me it seemed like a miracle that our hair was the same for once."

"Took a while for us to figure out what it really meant..."

"Hey, I love you." I smile, the tears coming again as I hug my knees to my chest.

"I love you, too."

I choke out. I know he heard me, he hears everything. It's so true, it hurts. I sigh, sitting back up and washing my face. I look in the mirror and pull the hair tie out of the messy bun I have tied my hair up in. The thick, wavy strands fall down past my waist. I watch as the dark navy blue fades back into teal. Symbolizing mental health and stability. Proving my mental health has totally evaporated.

I sigh again and look through James' medicine cabinet for a brush. Good thing he has long hair, otherwise I'm sure he'd have a comb or not even bother to brush his hair in the first place. I'm surprised my hair isn't tangled into a rat's nest or has thinned. I do have a second layer of hair and fur when I shift. I feel her paw at me, causing me to sigh. I haven't been able to shift in forever, I can't. It's too risky. It's been so long, I don't even think I remember how to shift in the first place. She understands, though. She was there with us the whole way; she lived through it with us. I reach out and coax her in the back of my mind. This'll have to do for now. She purrs a little and calms a little; at least she now knows that I haven't completely forgotten her.

"Hey, V. Are you okay?" I look over to the door and open it for James.

"Uh, yeah. Just not sure what to wear." His curious eyes linger on my hair before meeting mine and smiles.