The Sister Of Popular

Chapter Twenty-Four

I walked out into the cold December air, the frosty weather nipping at my skin.

This was it.

I had planned it out in about an hour, making sure that nobody could break my plan. I would sneak out to go hang out with my 'friends', and as my mother thought I was popular just like Levi, that wasn't really a problem. Sure, Levi and Aiden may have gotten suspicious, but as the icy grass crunched beneath my feet, I knew that they would never follow me out here to check. Then, I knew how to make sure they would never find me. I would be surprised if they even tried, since I was a good-for-nothing little attention-whore. They'd probably just file a Missing Persons report and leave it at that.

Even then, I left a note. And I had rewritten it about five times, even crying on the last go, but I had made it all the way through to the end and I wasn't going to write my dying sentence all over again. I wondered if they'd ever find it, placed on the table and folded up into a crane.

How obvious can you be?

I wondered why I had made it so unbelievably clear it was a suicide note, but nevertheless, I was going to do it.

And the whole world will be better without me.

I wondered what dying would feel like, as I creaked open the back gate and stepped out into the fields outside my house. I wasn't in a rush to die. I could take as long as I wanted, because I knew I would just cower out if I thought about the wrong thing. Dying could be a whole new world, a place where I could finally be happy. Or I could be burning in hell, which was exactly what I deserved, but inside, I really didn't want more torture after what I had been through. Or I could be reborn as a new person, with a new life, and be able to start again.

The last option was my favourite. It was like being given an eraser, to clear my life and make everything better,

Suicide seemed even better now. If I knew the only way you were going to get a clean slate was by dying, then I would have done it a long time ago.

I was shaking as I sat down against a tree. Not the tree that I was aiming for, but I needed to think about what the actual hell I was doing.

This was all too scary.

I looked around me. The bare trees, a clump of dead, brown leaves at its side. The frostbitten bushes, frozen to their spot and huddling together for comfort. The occasional hum of cars driving by in the distance, in our lowly village of Seisdon. The overcast sky, a grey cloud filling the air as the odd pigeon flew by it. British weather. The immense green space, covered in a layer of spindly trees.

For a minute, I realised that I loved Seisdon. Even if I constantly complained about the lonely and boring village life, I actually loved living in the countryside full of green space, where everyone knew each other. There were no annoying ambulances whirring their way on the roads or some man getting painfully beaten up like there was in Wolverhampton. There were just fields, the old corner shop, the market every Sunday, and all the animals and adventures you could make out of Seisdon.