Pakwan Shots

Limits

Breathe in, breathe out. Inhale, exhale. Okay. You can do this, Mika. Kaya mo 'to.

Nag-t'training ako ngayon for Grand Prix together with my teammates, at buong araw dire-diretso training kami, walang water break, walang pahinga. Doble higpit si Coach Ramil samin ngayon. None of us exactly know why but I think it's because wala pa kasi kaming panalo for this season, and considering that we were Champions nung PSL AFC, it's really quite disappointing. Kaya, I understand Coach Ramil if he chooses to be stricter with us.

Naglalaro kami ngayon, teammates against fellow teammates, at sobrang pagod na 'ko, lumalabo na yung vision ko at hindi ko na maramdaman legs ko. Nevertheless, I still try my best to block and receive, hindi ko nga lang alam kung kaya ko mag-attack.

Rally. We're trying our best na hindi talaga mahulog yung bola. Nanghihina na ako pero push pa rin, sana lang talaga hindi ko na kakailanging mag-attack. Pero... Minalas yata ako at binigyan ako ni Kimy ng set. Medyo nagulat ako kasi malayo ako sa net but I spiked the ball anyway. Kaso nga lang, tumama sa net, hindi nag-over. The long rally ended with an error, my error.

"Ano ba yan, Mika!" Sigaw ni Ara, galit na galit. "Sayang yung rally!"

"Pst, DaughterF!" Ate Aby scolded her.

Kumunot ang noo ni Ara. "Nakakainis kasi! Pinaghirapan natin yung rally tapos--" 

"Bruh! Tama na," Pagtigil sa kanya ni Kimy.

"Ughh!" Ara frustratingly yelled. Hindi na ako nagsalita, I didn't feel like I needed to. And besides, sanay naman na ako sa ganyang attitude niya. Ganyan na talaga siya.

Tinapos na namin yung game at nanalo naman kami, which lifted Ara's mood almost immediately. Water break namin ngayon and it looks like hindi naman na siya bad mood, sana hindi na siya galit. Tumalikod ako at nagpunas ng pawis, uminom ng tubig, nag-refresh.

"Uhm, Mika?"

Napalingon ako and I saw Ara. I expected her to at least apologize and be nicer to me now, pero hindi e, kanina naka-smile siya pero ngayong kakausapin niya ako, nakasimangot siya. 

"Usap tayo mamaya, after training," She said quickly as if it was a command, not a request. 

She didn't even wait for my reply anymore. Tumalikod na siya at pumunta na ng court. Wow, ayaw ko nga. Nakakainis ah. Pero syempre, wala naman na akong magagawa, kakausapin ko na lang siya mamaya.

Later on natapos na yung training. I wanted to shower immediately kasi pawis na pawis na talaga ako, but Vic called me before I can even do so at ayun na nga, we talked.

---

"I'm sorry, Mika."

I couldn't say anything. All the words I wished to tell her all seem to be senseless right now. In fact, nothing seems to be making sense anymore.

"Ano na naman ba 'to, Vic?"

"Hindi ko rin alam. Just please, lumayo ka na."

I don't know if I'm mad at her or mad at myself. Maybe I'm mad at both, I'm mad at her for making me believe that we possibly might have a chance, and mad at myself for being dumb enough to actually believe it. Akala ko kasi all her rude actions had to mean something, akala ko she was being rude at me for a reason, pero, hindi pala.

"We've been together, I mean, magkasama na tayo for five years, our so-called friendship have been going strong for five years tapos sasabihin mo na lang na lumayo ako? Hindi pwede, it doesn't work that way."

"Nothing works anymore, Mika! Ano ba 'di mo maintindihan dun? We're done with UAAP at graduate na tayo pareho. Ano pa ba papel natin sa buhay ng isa't isa?"