Pakwan Shots

Secret Santa : Week 2 (Christmas Special)

MONDAY

Hay, Monday na naman. Honestly, I don't know anymore.

I've been very exhausted lately and I haven't even done anything worth being exhausted about. It's strange kasi kahit nung nag-aaral pa ako sa DLSU, I've never felt as exhausted as I do now. And what's stranger is that I don't feel exhausted physically, I feel exhausted emotionally. Which doesn't even make any sense because, since when was I an emotional girl? I'd like to look at myself as someone strong, but now, why do I feel so... defeated?

I went on with my usual Monday routine and ignored the fact that my body was slowly weakening every minute. 

TUESDAY

Tuesday pa lang pero pang-Friday na yung pagod ko. Hay.

Nasa dorm ako ng LS. They're all busy with their own businesses that I was left to speak or interact with no one. Usually pumupunta ako dito to feel happy, to feel loved, pero ngayon, parang masyado yata silang busy.

"Guys! Sobrang effort ng secret santa ko!" Dawn broke the silence. "Ginawan ako ng Libero Pack!"

"Ha? Ano yun?" Des asked.

"Basta naglagay siya sa isang shoe box ng mga salonpas, band-aid, knee pads, gatorade,etc. and she called it a Libero Pack. Sobrang sweet! Thanks secret santa!" 

"Awww! Ang cute!" Norielle replied.

And the topic of secret santa was brought up once again. They were all so excited to share their secret santa moments, and seeing that my secret santa didn't seem to care about me, I was left to be silent, once again.

WEDNESDAY

Oh my God. Nananaginip ba ko?

138 unseen messages. From different people. All sent at the same time.

Bigla na lang tuloy-tuloy na tumunog yung phone ko. My friends, family, teammates, and even my acquaintances sent me a text message.

And it's all from my secret santa.

Pare-pareho lang yung text messages. It all read:

To: Mika Reyes

Hello secret elf! Sorry ngayon lang ako nagparamdam :( Busy kasi eh. I hope you understand. Anyways, kahapon, I saw you na sobrang tahimik. I'm guessing you're a bit down. Cheer up na pls! I'm always here for u. Reply ka lang sa kahit sinong nagsend sayo ng text message na 'to. Hehe. Love you! :* -secret santa

Awww. Sobrang sweet. Binabawi ko na yung sinabi kong wala siyang pake sakin. She really does. Busy lang talaga, I guess. And I understand that now.

So she saw me kahapon. And isa lang naman yung sinususpect kong secret santa ko, si Ara. Pero wala naman siya kahapon eh. I guess umasa lang ako.

And it suddenly hit me. I felt tired because... because umasa na naman ako. Last week, umasa ako na si Ara yung secret santa ko but it turns out, hindi naman pala siya. But I guess it will always be more than that. Umasa ako but it's not related anymore sa secret santa ko. Hindi lang naman ako pagod dahil nasaktan ako na hindi si Ara ang secret santa ko. Pagod ako kasi pagod na 'ko umasa. Pagod na 'kong umasa na one day, Ara would turn back to me and tell me she'd always loved me and that everything would be okay. Pagod na 'kong umasa sa wala.

But none of that matters now. Now, I feel much happier. Not tired, not exhausted, not even sad. 

And it's all thanks to my secret santa.