Matt Murdock Shorts

Trust and Things Stronger

"I trusted you."

Matt can't get the words out of his head.

"I trusted you."

They replay over and over again.

"I trusted you"

He doesn't know if he can ever forgive himself. It's deja vu. Will he ever learn from his mistakes? Maybe you would've understood if he had just told you. But he didn't; now all that's left of you is the shirt he's sobbing into. He clutches it to his chest, trying to breathe your smell in, knowing it will fade away all too soon.

He's lost it. Whatever 'it' is. His sanity? Foggy keeps telling him he lost that when he put on the mask. The mask. Sometimes he hates it as much as he loves it. Right now is one of those times. It still doesn't change the fact that despite what Foggy says, he never feels quite so level-headed as when he's wearing the mask. So, no, he didn't lose his sanity when he put on the mask. He lost it when you left. That much was clear when he started sobbing over a stray tampon he found in the cupboard this morning. All he can think about is laying in bed with you, your head resting on his arm while he draped the other across your body. You just laid there, whispering in the darkness like you had a secret. He doesn't remember what you talked about, just that he had court in the morning, he wasn't going to get much sleep at this rate. He remembers not caring. He'd choose exhaustion every time if it meant he could hear your voice again. He remembers you telling him you loved him for the first time that night, repeating it daily after that.

But that's not a luxury he gets anymore. He's not going to hear those three words fall from your lips today. He's not going to be able to say them back. No, tonight he's going to be losing sleep for another reason. But he brought this on himself. He wishes he could stop, for you, but Daredevil is just as much a part of him as Matt Murdock is. Maybe more so. Anyway, he doesn't even know that you want him to stop. You just wanted him to trust you like you trusted him. But he broke that trust and now he doesn't know how to be someone you'll want to come back to.

Then he's at the airport. you went to visit your family for a week, and he came to pick you up. Finally. Both your hearts were beating out of your chest as you ran down the escalator, barreling into his arms. He can still feel you, solidly in his arms. His heart clenching as you nuzzled into his chest. How he told you how much he missed you between desperate kisses. He had no idea. It hasn't even been a week since you stormed out that night, and his pain is so much more amplified than when you were gone on that trip. Maybe it's because you called and talked to him on the trip. Maybe he knew you were coming back to him before. Maybe he loves you more every day.

Then his mind drifts back to the fight that tore you apart. He should've told you. He knows that. Instead, he lied to you. Foggy's right; no one makes him lie- repeatedly- to the people close to him. That makes him the problem. Still, he can't help but replay the fight in his mind; wishing you had pulled him close and interrupted his hasty explanation with a kiss like you've done so often before.

Matt's in the same position he's been in for years now. Foggy and Karen are his only real friends. Since you left, though, he finds himself keeping up with your friends just so he can somehow stay connected to you. It's sad and desperate, and he has a feeling he's not fooling anyone but he doesn't care. Not when he has something that he can cling to, even if it's just knowing you're happy without him. Which hurts. He doesn't detect a hint on untruthfulness when your friends tell him that. He tries to be happy for you because isn't that what love is? Putting someone else's happiness before your own? So he leaves you be. You made it clear you don't want him, so he's not going to chase after you. No matter how much he wants to.