A night not to remeber

A night not to remember

What is this? What is crying every night cause your scared of loosing your love. You know how it felt the first time you were anorexic for 3 months n sick for 2 didn't talk for 3 n cried every night hoping it's was a dream but than waking up to reality n know he's gone. When your phone ring your hoping it's him saying he can't stand being without you he misses n still loves you. But he never calls to say that. Just to check n see how your doing when you a hundred miles away in different states. When he calls n asks how are you? You can hear that shake in his voice of knowing he's not good either that he's miserable without you. Listening to your guises song till forever. Since you won't talk to anyone else but him. You wait every day for his call re reading messaging from when you were his only. N he was already calling you by his last name. Than you guys start loosing distance n the only thing that keeps you guys close, is memories and his last name. Now you've moved on. One night every thing goes wrong n he's the only one you turn to n you get your mind off of everything but you can't help but to cry to sleep n stay up crying. because you realize your not happy without him. You take your old razor n close your eyes. As you feel the cold silver sharp run across your bare skin. With a coolness of red liquid chasing after with no hesitation. The water in your eyes flow out as if there a water fall. Knowing that what you've done cannot go back in time. What's done is done n now your scared for life with tears n blood on your skin. Know you've just lost the best thing in your life. Going back to depression as your were this time it dosnt just last for months it goes on for years. until one day your there in your gym class. Your forced to run an than there you are. On the ground, not breathing eyes blurred and you wake up in white walls wires hooked up to you. And you feel tears coming again! you think why didn't I leave. Why am I still here why can't I go You feel a hand over your you look. It's the guy that caused this. He starts to have red eyes of sadness and they fill with water. He knows he caused this he caused your pain. He sees your scars and tries to kiss them better. You try to pull not falling for his love again afraid if being hurt. But your to week to pull away so he kisses them his warm lips over your freshly wounded scars hot tears fall from your face. What have you done? what have you come too? a year ago you took a promise never to do this again. Your eyes meet with his. you hear the words "I love you" come from his lips. Your heart beats faster butterflies in your stomach. And than it happens. You said it you said it back suddenly your heart goes slower n slower. He kisses you trying to bring it you back. But it's worthless your eyes get black. No more white walls. you hear his voice shacking begging for you to come back, all you say is I'm sorry, I tried my hardest for you I let you down forever my love. Silence fills up the room. Nothing to hear but tears hitting the floor and I the standing beep from the machine that keept track of your heart. now she is gone for all. knowing that you never apologized for the arguments and things you did wrong causing her pain. Making her self cautious that her self esteem is not there anymore. It's gone her thinking everything was her fault. yet it's too late she's gone. You can never make it up anymore. she was in love with you n died loving you even when you hated and didn't trust, believe, want, or care for her. She was there for you when you pushed her away n still wanted you back. She trusted, cared, loved, and wanted you more than anything in the world. now it's all gone. now your going through what she's going through. yet your not strong enough to handle it so you did worse. And you took your life to be with her. When you saw her you saw that beautiful smile her soft skin n curled hair looking beautiful as ever. She looks like that because she died like that on the inside. You can't help but stare at her in the light she's calling your name you go to her knowing this is what you pushed away. This is what you have up. This is now what you want but now you can't have. Because she knows you'll do the same thing again. so you you walk past waiting to live in desperate need of her love. Knowing you can't have it any more not trusting your self. afraid to hurt yet another precious soul...