The Mermaid Tale "If I Could Stand"

A Human Heart

There were some emotions and feelings that I felt that I had never felt before. The feeling of sadness, love, and anxiety. All of these feelings rushed through me as my mind pondered on and on about the same thing over and over again. Why were the emotions I had so hurtful and stressing? I didn't feel like coming out my room or even breathing. I was angry with myself.
The way I had acted yesterday was horrible and so immature. I'm pretty sure he hates me. I wondered if the painting of me had been burned or thrown away. He probably will never even look at me again.

"Anastasia! Why are you hiding in here?" Andrina yelled flying into my room.

My voice was muffled in the pillow, and my body stretched over the bed.

"I can't understand a word your saying, and if this is about that boy...." Her voice trails off.

She had told me to stay away from him, but I couldn't resist.

"It's not him Andrina.....it's me."

"How the hell is it you?! That doesn't make sense. Listen, don't let any boys take advantage of you! You're girl and you're strong. You can get passed this. You are way better than any human."

"Andrina just stop telling me things that make no difference. No matter how many times you say how pretty we are or how different we are...it's no way to get someone to fall in love with you!"

"That's not what I'm saying!"

"Well, all those stories you told me about your lovers?! It sounds like you use your looks to get any man. You don't even care for them. You get with them, and you rid of them with all their riches! What if they loved you?"

There was a fast silence. Her face seems to soften but in a weak look. It looks like she'd given up.

"I was just gonna say that you shouldn't waste all your time on that boy. You have a bigger life to live than that."

She shuts my door, and I just stand there.  I wished she had just left me alone. We had never fought like that before. I felt bad inside.
  I snatch my diary off my drawer and scribble through every page. I rip everything out and throw it all over the ground. I had never felt so bitter. I had been rejected, and reprimanded. This felt lonely and sad. I felt stupid. I felt too many emotions at once. It seemed to kill me for sometime.

                                                          ***

I wake up early and get ready for school. Today I hoped for the better.
  I wished not see Alessandro at all today. I wished with all my heart he'd be absent. I couldn't stand to face him again. I couldn't look into his beautiful crystal eyes without drowning into my feelings and him.  I didn't see Andrina in the house at all, so I rode my bike to school.

There was still sadness that overwhelmed me, and it only got worse as I pulled up in the parking lot of school. I walked into the building and once again crowded with millions of people. I scanned the room for Cassandra but I couldn't find her.

"Mam keep walking please!" The woman behind me yelled.

I ignored her and continued to stumble around the crowd. There was no way of getting to my class in the right amount of time. I peeked over to the side of the hall and saw Alessandro talking to one of his friends.
I gulped and pushed through people to get to the stairs. My feet dashed to the bottom of the stairwell and went to my classroom.

"Good morning Anastasia." The teacher said patting my back.

I smiled at her and plopped down in my seat. It was a couple minutes before the group of jocks came in. I saw Cassandra and her friends and Alessandro and his friends. We made eye contact and I looked away fast with my cheeks heating up. I'm pretty sure I was red and sweaty. The palms of my hands were wet.
I suppose this was how humans felt when they got a lover.