Dear Ex-Crushes

To: The Guy I've Liked For Six Years

To: The Guy I've Liked For Six Years

Dear Kim Minseok,

Hi. You're already aware of my feelings for you. Of course, that meant before, because now I'm over you. For six years, I've only had my eyes on you, Minseok. You were the one that I liked from when I was a kid, up until I was an early teen. I was always hurting because of you, yet, you also made me feel happy.

You weren't from my school, so that meant we barely see each other around. We weren't so close, so I didn't know your favorite colours and all those basic things nor did we talk. I couldn't approach you because I was always too shy to and it wasn't like you would approach me.

I remember the first time we met, long ago when we were kids. We, and some other kids that were older and some younger, were chosen to sing together like a choir. Or, um, I don't remember, it was fuzzy. But I remember following my mom's friend's car because my mom was too busy to pick me up and there were a bunch of kids that were also in the car. You were there too.

I sat at the very front, right behind the driver's seat, with my friend. If I was nine, she was probably twelve. I was talking a lot to her (funny how I was talkative to strangers when I was a kid but now I'm plain awkward with them) and also minding the fact you were there. Sitting at the very back. Your presence made me nervous, but I continued talking to my friend.

Though I don't remember much of what happened, I remember she got off because we had arrived at her home and I was disheartened to see her leave already. Now I was left in the car with a bunch of other kids, and of course, you.

While the other kids were dropped off, it then shortened to you, me, and two siblings. The common ground you and they have was that you and the two lived in the same apartment. And that's exactly where we were going. I was going to your apartment to wait for my mom.

I remember the four of us waiting by the lobby because I was only nine, I couldn't wait by myself. I was awkwardly standing there while the two siblings chatted when suddenly, the brother of the two spoke up, "You two should be friends."

And they were referring to us. The little kids. Both nine years old. Just standing awkwardly next to each other.

You threw a smile and threw a hand over me coolly, making me almost hit you with the bag I held because you made my heart jump so fast. The sad thing about you doing that is me knowing that at that time, you liked my best friend and you only had eyes for her. But she didn't like you. And it hurts my heart knowing that you're only getting hurt by a one-sided love. I know how you feel, because I was also facing the same thing at that time.

Time passed and I barely see you around. Once or twice a year, at most. But those times we actually see it other, those rare times, are always the times I'll hold dear to my heart. They were rare, but each one of them are precious.

At that time, I owned a diary. I mostly wrote in it and those entries I wrote? They were mostly about you.

Minseok and I talked today!

Minseok and I interacted!

Minseok!

It mostly consisted of lines like that. They were longer, but it's better to keep it summarized like that.

You know what's funny? In those times we've never seen each other, my feelings for you started to fade. I was happy enough to know that but when I see you again, it's like that distinctive heart beat that skipped once in a while returned, and it became more and more familiar to me.

I've never tried, in all that five years. I've tried asking youㅡtalking to you, simply trying to be your friend first but it never worked out. The thing about love is that there's that strong feeling that will overwhelm you and you end up not doing what you wanted to do. Then, you end up feeling regret.

It never happened. We never became friends. You were rarely online on Facebook and I didn't know your number. We couldn't chat, we couldn't talk. I didn't even bother with your other SNS because I didn't want to be too obvious.

Then, one day, when I was close to giving up on you, you replied. You replied to the text I sent to you in DM on Instagram. You even sent a heart, and I actually thought my heart was going to explode. I told my friend and asked you if what I was seeing was real.

The crush you had on my friend when we were nine was obviously gone, since she had moved back to Daegu and wasn't with us in Seoul anymore. I didn't know who else you liked after her, but I knew for a fact that a bunch of other girls that were part of our choir or singing performance liked you. There was my other friend, Sanryeo, who also liked you.

I remember hearing her talking about you with her friends in the toilet cubicle. I was inside the cubicle and I was honestly sad to find out that she also liked you. Unlike me, she was brave enough to talk to you and you and her saw each other more often than you and I did.

Remember when I talked about those times we met? Those rare occurrences? Yes, they are still precious. Well, more like were now. Those times we met, I would always secretly glance at you and hope you'd look at me too. But when you turn your head to see me, I immediately turned away and ignore your whole presence because that will cause me to do something stupid. I didn't want to risk that. But I was grateful enough you still look at my direction, too. Or I think you were looking at me.

Back to when you texted me back on Instagram.

So it turned out that you only accidentally tapped on the heart button by accident, crushing my dreams and hopes but I didn't mind because you still texted me back. We texted a few messages but you rarely went on Instagram to reply to them. Then I bravely asked for your number and felt like finally, something was bound to happen.

You texted me, finally, and I couldn't be happier. I was chatting with you. I was finally interacting with you.

I got to know you. You were so adorable. Your words, your replies, everything. I fell for you more than I already did. The more we chatted, the more I wanted to simply confess to you. But I couldn't just yet. I was yet to know you.

When you gave me compliments, I felt my lips raise into a smile. That always happened. I loved the compliments you gave me and though we barely talked in real life, I was grateful enough to even be able to chat with you.

Just as I was about to confess to you, my mind started making second thoughts. You'll find out the reason why sooner or later. But I'm glad I got over you. If I didn't get over you, I wondered how I was ever going to fall in love. You were the hugest obstacle I couldn't over come but I'm glad enough I did.

Thanks for the unforgettable memories, Minseok. I'll keep them stored somewhere or maybe they'll already be long forgotten, I wouldn't know. Whatever happens in the future, I want to thank you for showing me what it was like to like someone. Also, thanks for also seeing me as your crush once. Have a happy life ahead of you.

Yours truly,
Jung Jaemi

~Author's Notes~

Like my story Dear SEVENTEEN, these letters aren't being sent to who they are directed to :) Hope you'll enjoy this story :) Support it by leaving votes and comments :) 

xoxo

Byun Sang Kyung