Dear Ex-Crushes

To: Sunbae

To: Sunbae

Dear Kim Sunggyu,

So around the year when I was in Grade 7, I kept telling myself I should give up on Minseok since the year before, he ended up liking the friend who I was mostly with in Grade 5. I was hurt and mad and was just exhausted from dealing with him so simply decided no thanks.

Then one faithful day, I saw you. Yes, I have a bad habit of falling in love with guys at first sight. I'm trying to stop myself these days now. It's nothing but bad.

I joined this mural competition with three of my friends and the monitor we all hated. He was always getting into our nerves by simply existing.

We were painting and nearing the end of the competition and that was when I saw you with your teammates, representing your class. I knew what class you were from, counting from the start of our sunbae's class.

If I was Grade 7, you were probably Grade 8. You were the first to make my heart race again after a year of its inactive form. Minus the whole Minseok thing 'cause I hadn't seen him in nearly two years. So all those feelings for him were simply... well, "inactive".

Then there was you.

I don't know what it was with you. You weren't as handsome as Minseok, yet, you managed to also catch my attention. How surprising, is it not?

Maybe there was just simply something I missed out when I fell for you. Or maybe it was the fact that my heart never knew when to beat and when not to. The latter was most likely the case.

I stalked you on Instagram, saved up some of your pictures and edited a picture with you and me together. I wrote your name everywhere and only thought of you. Oddly, I was obsessed with you and I could easily say you were the first person to do that. But I still wondered why you made my heart race. There wasn't anything really captivating about you, yet, I did.

The thing about my heart is that it doesn't really care much about the person. It just starts beating for a person, making me suffer from the symptoms.

I tried texting you but you never really replied. You mostly blue ticked my messages. I remember that one day when I fainted because I didn't have much glucose circling my body, I texted you about it, pretending to be sending it to the wrong number when I knew I purposely sent it to you on purpose. I knew nothing was working out but I just couldn't give up yet because that's what my friend told me to do. To not give up and give it time.

In the end, it was either I kept my hopeless love or finally give it up. I was testing the waters by finally confessing to you through a text. I know, cliche and mainstream, right? But it wasn't like I had the actual guts to approach you. I'd embarrass myself in front of you and your friends.

And what was the reply I got from a long-ish confession? "Okay..." That was your reply to me. An awkward "okay" that wasn't sure how to respond properly. That was my last message to you because shortly, I also found out that you liked another girl. Your classmate, I don't know, whoever basically. She was from your year that was all I got.

But thanks anyway. For making my heart race again and helping me remember what it was like to have a crush. I enjoyed it while it lasted but like the others, it never worked out.

Yours truly,
Jung Jaemi