Dear Ex-Crushes

To: Ex-boyfriend

To: Ex-boyfriend

Dear Kim Taehyung,

Funny, I don't know why I find myself writing to you when you turned out being my boyfriend. Or was it because I also failed at this relationship? Truth is, I didn't like you before I agreed to get together. I still didn't like you when we were together and I only ever saw you as a best friend, honestly.

You told me story of your ex-girlfriends (yes, you had a lot but they all dumped you, sadly) and how much you hoped I wouldn't be like them. I was too scared to hurt you anyway so I said not to worry. Funny how words always backfire anyway.

I think I did like you when we were together, but I was too scared of loving you too much and getting hurt that I keep pushing away that thought and told myself I didn't love you. I was mean for doing that, but I was still scared.

You were my first boyfriend. Well, first true boyfriend. You and I, we were different. We weren't the "couple goals" that my best friend and her boyfriend had, but we were different. I missed that and I know that I'll never find someone like that anymore.

Remember? I was always so mean to you. Calling you the third wheeler whenever I hugged my best friend Eun Hee. Calling you a pabo whenever you did something embarrassing or stupid. Never telling you "I love you" because I wasn't used to it. Instead of all those couple things people did, we were like best friends who kept teasing each other. I liked that about us.

You always tried to do the same thing as me so we would have a couple theme or whatever but I always made you do things different from mine, teasing you by saying you were copying me and that you should do it differently.

You're not really a guy who traumatized me. In fact, I didn't really get hurt from you. You were like a short happiness for me but I only saw you as a friend. I did like you, a bit, but I saw you more as a friend.

I promised you, saying that I won't be like your ex-girlfriends. What did I end up doing? I did exactly what I promised I wouldn't. I felt bad when you said you was at fault and apologized for not treating me better. That hurt me, Taehyung.

There's nothing much left to say. I don't have a lot of regrets with you. Have a happy life, Taehyung. I'm sorry. But thank you, for all the memories. I'm actually glad we're still friends. Maybe one day, I'll find someone like you, too. Someone I can tease easily, feel at ease with and feel like the entire relationship is a friendship, but still like that person. Once again, I'm sorry. And thank you.

Yours truly, 
Jung Jaemi