Ok this may have a slight trigger warning. I suggest you don't read this if you are triggered by self harm anorexia etc. Sorry for not updating for a week, kinda got writers block. This is not grammar checked rip. Hope all 3 of you enjoy, as always.
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Tyler and Josh woke up this morning a bit later than usual.
"Tyler? Tyler..it's like 3:00 pm, we need to get dressed."
Tyler stirs from his sleep a little bit, yawning and whining. "Who says? I don't have to listen to you."
"Tyler we've slept too long, get up now." Josh wasn't trying to be rude, he just had an excellent day planned out already.
"Fiiiiine. You have to carry me though."
"Whatever you want Ty."
After breakfast...
Josh was already dressed and waiting for Tyler. Josh had decided to wear black skinny jeans, red shirt, and a grey beanie to top it off. He didn't feel like walking around with hair that had to be re-dyed.
"Babe can you hurry up the process? You are taking for ever, Ty." Josh was laughing after he said that, making sure Tyler knew it was a joke. He expected to hear giggles from Tyler from the other side of the door, but he didn't hear anything. Tyler walked out speeding passed Josh.
"Finall- hey why are you in a rush?"
"You were the one rushing me. Now let's go."
"Ty, what's wrong? I was just jokin-"
"It's not your fault Josh, it's- it's something else. I'm not going to let it ruin our day. Let's go have fun!"
"Okay Ty...tell me if you need anything." Josh was a bit worried about Tyler. He has been acting different lately, more self conscious about what he wears and what he looks like. Josh listened to Tyler though, not wanting to ruin their day at the Columbus Mall. (is that even a thing lmao)
In the car to the mall...
"You look pretty today Ty." He truly did. Tyler decided to wear a black skirt, pastel purple blouse, high knee white socks and a flower crown to top it all off. Truly stunning.
"No I don't..." Tyler whispered under his breath, barely just audible for Josh to hear.
"What? Are you blind? Baby you always look beautiful. You could be wearing garbage and I would still think you looked better than ever." Josh was smiling brightly, trying to cheer Tyler up. Nothing. Tyler kept the same expression on his face, staring down at his arms that were covering his stomach awkwardly.
At the mall...
"Okay Ty, it's up to you today. Where would you like to go first?"
"I want to look in the boutique, the really fancy one in the back."
"Off we go then!" Josh, once again trying to bring the cheerful spirit up a few levels, because Tyler was obviously a bit self conscious and nervous. Josh went to grab Tyler's hand to hold it, but Tyler snapped his hand away from Josh's.
"Ty? What- Ty. Come to the bathroom with me. I know something is wrong, please let me help you." Tyler started to make his way to the bathroom, not even trying to ask why, because Tyler knew what he has done, and Josh wouldn't be happy about it.
In the bathroom...(aw shit ರ_ರ)
Right when Josh checked to see if anyone was in any of the stalls, he grabbed Tyler's arms softly and turned them, wrists up. He knew it.
"Ty- you were doing so so good...Baby..."
Tyler began to cry. He was ashamed, embarrassed. He was doing good. 98 days clean. 98 days without pain.
"Jo-Josh please do-don't be m-mad-" Tyler sobbed, looking down at his wrists. He didn't want to make eye contact with Josh, afraid of what he would see in his eyes. Wether it being pity, anger, sadness, he just didn't want to look.
"Ty. I'm not mad at all, I'm just mad at myself. I should've known. You weren't being yourself lately. God, I'm so stup-"
"No! I don't w-want you to bl-blame yourself J-Josh! I was the one wh-who decided to do th-this! Not you, it's my f-fault. It's m-my fault for being f-fat and ug-ugly an-and-"
"Tyler! You are not fat. You are not ugly. You are anorexic Tyler. I understand that you may think that you look over weight but you are not. I wish I can feel exactly what you are going through so I can relate on a physical level. But I can't. I can't. I can only tell you to get better. I can't force you to eat, but I can ask you. I can't force you to think you are the most astonishing thing I've ever seen on this planet, but I can tell you. It would mean the world to me if you could believe these things, but only you can truly decide how you want to think of yourself. Not me, not anyone else. Only you Ty, an if you never learn to see the beauty on the inside and out of you, I-i will remind you everyday until we die. You are truly the most beauti- I can't even put it into words Ty. I love you so fucking much and you don't even know. So when you pick up that blade, remember what I just said. Remember every fucking word until you realize that you deserve no pain."
Tyler collapses into a full sob, falling into Josh's arms. He slides down the wall and pulls Tyler onto his lap. He is in a little ball, head in between Josh's shoulder and neck, arms carefully wrapped around Josh's torso.
"I l-love you s-so m-much, Jos-Joshua. And I w-will t-try to e-eat some-something an-and flush my bl-blades."
"You are already making progress. I love you more and more every time you take a breath, and if you ever stop taking those breaths, I would too. So please don't hurt yourself. I know it's hard. I can't force you, I can only pray to the man I'm not sure exists." Josh earned a giggle from Tyler. Even in the most depressing times like this, Josh can make Tyler giggle. It doesn't matter that they are sitting on a dirty floor in the males bathroom. All that matters right now is Josh and Tyler.
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Well would you fuck me in the ass and call me Jesus, ok wtf. This was my first semi sad oneshot. Eh I could've ruined all of you but I don't want your souls as a token. Yet. I hope you shed a tear cause I did, from my horrible writing skillzzz. Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed. As always, stay alive|-/
