I woke up with a large pain in my abdomen. I looked to my side to see Lucas already up.
"What's wrong"
"I don't know but something is not right."
"I'll go grab your shoes. I'll be right back."
I laid in bed longer and just start crying. I pulled the blankets back and say up waiting on Lucas.
"Don't cry everything is going to be ok."
"What if it's not"
"Don't think like that"
I looked down and put my shoes on. We went in the living room and Nat was ready to go. I guess with all the commotion he woke up. I looked down at my hand and ran my thumb over my ring am calmed down some.
"everything is going to be fine"
We walked I the car and wen to the hospital. We went inside and asked were the maternity ward is and went there. Once I checked in I say down and waited. It felt like an eternity. But finally they called my name. We all got up and followed the nurse back. Once we got to the room I sent the boys out so the nurse can talk to me in private.
"How far along are you"
" almost two months"
"Ok well I'm going to get the doctor to come and have a look"
"Ok"
She left the room and the boys came back in. I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. I felt someone take my hand and rub there thumb over my knuckles. I knew it was Lucas.
"I'm scared"
I look over at Lucas.
"Whys that"
"I haven't even meet it and I already love it more than anything"
"Lucas just breath. We don't know anything yet"
After I said that the doctor came in with the nurse and a sonogram machine.
"I need you to lift your shirt"
I lifted my shirt up for her.
"This is going to be cold"
I already knew this but I just nodded not caring about the cold gel on my stomach but only the unborn baby inside me. I grabbed Lucas hand and looked at the screen.
"Why isn't it moving?"
No on answered.
"Why is there no heart beat?"
I looked at Lucas and he had his eyes closed. The look on his face made me want to die. I can't bear to see him look like this.
"I'm sorry for your lost"
I couldn't bear this news I didn't cry I just laid there felling so numb. I couldn't move I couldn't speak. Nothing. That's what I felt that what I am.
"Tell me has anything happen in the past two weeks to make you super stressed"
"My brother was missing for almost two days. He wouldn't answer his phone no one saw him."
"I believe that stress could of caused your miscarriage. But do you have any bad habits smoking drinking. Drugs"
"No"
I looked over at Nat and he looked crush. He thinks it's his fault.
"Nat stop nots not your fault"
"You worried so much about me. I killed it"
"No. Stop. It's not my time to be a mother."
I looked at the doctor and he could tell I wanted to leave.
"I'll get your discharge papers"
"Thank you"
I looked down and moved the blankets and started to get up. I moved over towards bat and brought him into a hug. And whispered words in his ear. I use to do this all the time when he was little. When he would come home crying with scraps all over his knees and hands. From were he would get pushed down from the older kids because he was different. I kept holding him until the doctor came back. I let go and got my papers and went to check out. The ride home was silent. No one talked the radio wasn't on. I just looked out the window.
Nat~
I can't believe I'm the main one to cause the miscarriage. I hate it. Lucas and Nichole were so happy that they were going to have a baby. Now I took that away. Maybe I should just go back and live with mom. There life would be so much better if I weren't here.
Lucas~
All I could do was look out the window and stare at the rode ahead. I don't know what to do. I feel like shit but I'm not the one who was carrying it. Nichole is just so emotionless right now. She didn't cry she didn't do anything. I can tell it's hurting her but she's only thinking about mat and I. I know here I much to know that she thinks about others before herself. Once we arrived home Nichole got straight out of the car and went inside. Nat stayed in so I decided to talk to him for a while giving Nick her room.
"Don't blame yourself"
"Well I am."
"It's not your fault"
"If I didn't get lost then the baby would still be here"
"You never know. Babies get taken away all the time before there born"
"I know I just feel like if I still lived with my mom ten this wouldn't have happened"
"You know your sister wouldn't have let you stayed with your mother"
"I know. I just"
"I know me to."
We sat in silence until I thought u should get out and check on Nick.
Nichole~
I laid in bed and looked at the wall. That's all I could do. I couldn't help but let the held back sob out. I just let it all out. I was shaking from how hard I was crying. I didn't even here Lucas come in until I felt him pick me up and say me in his lap. I just cried harder knowing how happy he was to know that I was having his child but know I don't. I started to hiccup. I calmed down enough to wear I was just a hiccuping mess. I looked at Lucas.
Lucas~
I felt her clam down to wear she was just hiccuping. I felt her head shift against my chest so I looked down and I saw her big eyes all red and still holding tears. He face had tear streaks and so red. I placed a soft kiss on her forehead and just laid my chin on her head rocking her back and forth.
"I'm sorry"
I looked down to see her looking down. I placed my fingers under chin and lifted it up so I can look in her eyes.
"It's not your fault. It could of happen to anyone and it happen to us. It's perfectly ok. Yeah I'm upset. But all I care is if your ok. I'm never going to look at you differently. No matter what. Your my soon to be wife that's still in college and you were carrying a baby. You are the strongest person I know. You care for others before yourself. So don't worry about me. Let me worry about you even though you don't like it."
She just nodded and laid her head back on my chest. I rested my chin on her head again and just rocked back and forth trying to sooth her more. I felt her let out on more shaky breath and then she calmed down. I waited a few more minutes to stop rocking so I know she's asleep.
( hey my babies I love all of you so much sorry this is a late update its been a very hectic week but here's this chapter please don't be upset about it I have plans for the future)
