Disclosure

Nagito Komaeda was, in his mind, a pretty worthless person. He had no actual talent, and his personality tended to rub people the wrong way and make them upset. He was aware that he didn't truly have a place in this world, yet here he was anyway. The only thing that he even had going for him was his luck, and even that tended to bring him trouble. He was poison, and he seemed to drag down everyone around him. However, he assumed there must be some reason for his pathetic existence, and at some point in his life, he realized that he could exist to help bring hope to the world.

He could never truly be a symbol of hope, since he was so pathetic and useless, but he could help those who embodied hope. This is what led him to leap at the chance to attend Hope's Peak, despite being aware that filth such as himself had no business being there. If he could be of service to his classmates, then at least he had a slight reason for existing. He would've never imagined that he would fall in love with a fellow student.

Hajime Hinata was part of the Reserve course. Komaeda initially hadn't even been aware of its existence until he started going to the school. The idea was preposterous to him at first. How dare these useless people think that they had a right to attend this school just by paying money? This school was for the hopes of the world, not for people even more useless than Komaeda. The idea of it truly disgusted him. But then he met Hinata.

Hinata was someone who was a lot like Komaeda. They both admired Hope's Peak more than anything, and they both wished that they could be as talented as their peers. Hinata treated Komaeda like an actual person, although at first he was visibly put off by Komaeda's personality. Still, he acknowledged Komaeda and would listen to what he had to say. This unexpected kindness led to Komaeda becoming fond of the other boy. Hinata became his first true friend, and eventually his best friend. He also became Komaeda's first love.

At first Komaeda had planned not to do anything about it. After all, nobody, not even someone as kind and good as Hinata, would want to be with Komaeda. Even if Hinata was as average as Komaeda, he was still too good for the other boy. Plus, Komaeda really didn't want to ruin the only friendship he'd ever had. Things were good as they were, so who was he to mess that up?

But, one day on impulse, Komaeda did something that would change everything between them: he kissed Hinata. The other boy was shocked, to say the least. He became flustered and nervous, which in turn led to Komaeda panicking.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I know you couldn't possibly want to be with trash like me," Komaeda babbled. He took a few steps back, and then turned and ran away from Hinata, who was frozen in a state of shock.

Komaeda was so distressed by what he had done that he didn't bother with going to school for the rest of the day. It wasn't like anyone would notice or care about his absence anyway. He felt awful about it, though. He usually liked going to class, because he enjoyed witnessing the cultivation of the hopes of this world. But today, he couldn't bring himself too, which led to even greater self loathing. Not only had he just ruined his only friendship, but he was also failing to be there for his classmates. He truly was a disgrace. This was the closest he had come to feeling despair in a long time, and that scared him. His only consolation was that his hope would be even stronger once (or if) he overcame this. Somehow, the thought didn't help as much as it usually would.

During lunch time, he got texts from Hinata, wondering where he was. They usually met for lunch, but Komaeda couldn't stand the thought of facing him right now. Who knew what Hinata would say to him? So instead, he just turned off his phone like the coward he was, and laid down in his bed. He spent the next few hours alternating between trying to study, and just sitting there and thinking about how badly he had fucked up. Eventually he just gave up on trying to sleep, and he just laid there until about 4 in the morning, feeling awful.