dilemma ; xiumin [two]

thank you, so much.

i had a writers block for a long period of time which is why many of you will never get to read this.
it's okay, minseok moved on.
no more deaths, i assure you.
here is a little thank you i wrote when thin, the first book, reached 5k reads.

i never really took into consideration that people would like my writing. i write to express my emotions; it's my own way of attending therapy. it's soothing, calm; i can write whatever i want because the ideas will smoothly flow and join with each other. writing allows me to let go of all the problems i have, to erase the stress and anxiety. and i know i may not be the best writer. i am so unskilled and useless compared to others who choose to write as well. but. thin, my first fanfic that i am proud of, is so so close to 5k reads. (now it's close to 8k♥︎) and that got me thinking. people wouldn't read it, wouldn't comment "thank you for writing this" all of this positive feedback wouldn't be there unless it is satisfying to read. now i know my fanfics are angst, sad, emotional. i just prefer writing angst. and people enjoy it? the amount of messages, complimenting my writing makes me cry. tears of happiness, mind you. because someone out there actually enjoys what i write, enjoys how i put all my effort and heart into writing.
it's heartbreaking to know that some of the readers of thin can relate to the main character, ara. and it hurts to know that i wrote it based off of my personal experiences. i would like those readers to know that they are good enough. you can be thin, slim, curvy, underweight, chubby, overweight, "obese", whatever you want. weight does not define you, appearance does not define you. i swear, i promise you don't need to starve yourself. don't cause pain upon yourself. you are SO so beautiful i cannot express your beauty in just words because all of you are amazing and have the potential to be who you want to be. focus on positivity, self love. these issues with yourself start there. don't hate yourself please i can't, i can't help but plead for you to accept who you are because self hatred tears you apart until you don't know who you are anymore. you're broken. self love heals you.
i would like to apologise for the sequel, dilemma. i'm not proud of it. i repeatedly change the plot. it goes from positivity to negativity. it represents us humans; we cannot be happy unless we are sad. the cycle repeats.
thank you
and it will improve one day
i love you even though we may not be close
i truly do