dearest keepers

Dear Anyone

December 17, 2013

Anyone, everyone maybe? Maybe that would have been a better way to address this. Dear Everyone. I mean, either one works I guess. Both anyone and everyone welcome well, anyone and everyone.

Which is who this is for. Everyone. Anyone. Anyone who will listen and read these, and feel my pain and happiness in every single letter. If so, then this one is specifically for you. 

I don't know why I'm starting this... it was sort of a spontaneous decision on my part. Nearly all of my decisions are since summer. Since her. 

I'm not exactly sure what these are for, to be honest... ranting, memories, getting across to my friends just how much I need them and love them... wait, I just answered myself. All of those, and more. Beyond all of that, I need to do this. I need to get everything out, to save the details. It's what my mind pays attention to, all of the tiniest and random facts and tidbits and details of everything. It's not a bad thing, I like remembering things about my friends and about the memories we have.

I even like remembering the details of the pain people caused me, which I know doesn't entirely make sense to anyone who's reading this. Or, maybe it does. In which case maybe more people can understand me than I think.

I remember staying up all night with Emily and making a mini buffet on my basement table, and I remember lying in the bean bag chair with Nicky and it was just so comfortably silent and warm while the blanket was over us. I remember being in her basement for New Years Eve, and I remember sneaking out with an old, old friend. And for the first time, it's really dawning on me how close Lexi and I have become in just a year. I remember every detail of that. All the fights and arguments and tears and raging rants, I remember how it led up to me not knowing what I'd do without her.

So I know this will help me in the long run. It'll help me reach out to the people I love a tiny bit more, and it will carve all of those moments in stone, or a computer in this case. 

Always there, forever.