Fangirl - A Dan Howell x Reader Fanfiction | danisnotonfire

Retrospective

*Author's Note*

Hey! I don't know if I have any real readers yet, or if I'm just rereading my own stuff out of anxiety, but I'm making notes anyway.

Sorry if the last chapter weirded some people out, I didn't think I'd be getting to crying so soon in the story, but it just seemed right. I feel that that would be an emotional subject for Dan, so once I was in, I was in deep.

I'm going to try to keep it light for the next ten chapters, hopefully, but this next chapter will mainly be recovering from the last one. Please keep reading! Thanks,

-L

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After you and Dan left the mall, you didn't talk for a while. You just walked back to his apartment, exchanged phone numbers, and parted ways. This didn't bother you. Today was overwhelming, and you needed to get back home. You made sure to thank him again, and he made you promise to call him.

You didn't know how to react. 

You had gone straight home and laid on your bed, where you sit now, with a bowl of your favorite flavor of ice cream, a burrito of a blanket and a problem.

Before today, you never would've imagined anything like this happening. Meeting him was one thing, but crying on his shoulder was another. But it also made you realize something.

Dan was overwhelmed. 

You knew about his ongoing existential crisis, of course, but you would never have guessed that he was this upset. It wasn't just about his college problems, how easily he cried made it obvious. And he didn't really have much of anyone to talk to about it. Of course he wouldn't have wanted to distress his fans. He did have Phil, god knows he has Phil, but something told you that this was out of Phil's reach. 

You had to help. 

You made a plan. First, you would have to get him to trust you, and you would have to become his friend. Your heart beats ten times faster when you think about this. No problem there.

Then, you would slowly compliment him into confidence. 

Maybe you would even get to kiss him a few-

NO!

You decide to not get romantic. Dan doesn't need something like that in his life right now. 

You sigh and rub your arm, wondering if this was a blessing or a curse.

Dan's POV:

Today I met someone unlike anyone I've ever met before. She's... a bit odd, but she's sweet. 

I've never cried in front of anyone like that. I can't get it out of my head. She must think I'm such an idiot. 

I suppose I just had a lot in my head. I've been stressed out for a while now. I've considered the meaning of existence before, but not like this. All day, everyday, I've just been clinging on everything that I've done wrong. Not even the little embarrassing things anymore, just the big things. 

I can't stop thinking about it. 

I nearly told Phil, but he just seems so oblivious and happy that I couldn't stand to ruin his mood. 

It was so easy to tell her everything, though. I've never done that before. I've lived with Phil for seven years, and I'm not even able to vent to him. I've just never felt comfortable telling people about these things. And I could never tell my subscribers. They'd just freak out. 

But I wanted to get closer with this girl. I hardly knew who she was, or if she even liked me, but I needed to see her again. It wasn't a choice.

Only one thing seemed off though, it might've been something I missed, or she might've heard of it somewhere else, but...

I never told her about my book.