Be My Salvation (Ereri/Riren)

XV

"I guess...the first couple of years of my childhood were fairly normal," Eren began. He held a petal between his thumbs and forefingers, absently stroking along its surface and edges as he spoke, his voice calm but quiet. "My father passed away in a car accident when I was only months old, so I don't remember him."

Levi nodded, remembering. Remembering the sad look Eren bore the last time he'd talked about his parents. Remembering that his parents were never married and that his mom had to work a lot, but remembering that there were several answers to Levi's questions that he'd avoided. Despite what he already knew, Levi could tell there was so much more about Eren Jaeger that he had yet to learn. So he listened.

~

It started when he was seven with a handful of Vicodin. Twenty-three, to be exact, and four cupfuls of water to down them one by one by one.

He stumbled his way into the house after being dropped off by the bus down the street, his bright red and dirtied backpack sliding off his scrawny shoulders. The environment was quiet, and eerily so. He discarded the pack and the fleece sweater onto the couch as usual before shuffling toward the kitchen in search of his mother, expecting her to be standing at the counter slicing apples or peeling oranges or even making peanut butter toast for a snack when he got home. When he didn't find her, and when he didn't find a snack waiting for him on the table (she would sometimes leave one out while she was in for a nap, exhausted from work), he grew confused, a little afraid.

He padded back the way he came, toward the hallway in search to find the bathroom door shut and the orangish light seeping through the cracks around it. A light, rhythmic dripping sounded from the other side. Frowning, he placed his little hand on the painted wood.

"Mama?" he asked.

A gasp, and then a loud clattering as the plastic cup was knocked into the ceramic sink and bounced around. The knob jostled for a second before the door cracked open to reveal his mother, her dark hair falling in dirty strings around her sweaty face, matted to her cheeks a bit, dark circles surrounding her pale golden eyes. The boy stepped back a bit, looking up at her.

"Eren," she breathed out, opening the door all the way and gazing down at him like she'd suddenly realized something.

"What's wrong, Mama?" he asked.

She raised a shaky hand and ran it through her hair, pushing it away from her pale face. Eren was afraid of the way she looked; he'd always known she was often tired and that the dark circles around her eyes were a product of that, but she'd never looked so pale, so degraded. It distorted her beauty, and that scared him.

"Honey, can you do me a favor?" she kneeled down and ruffled his hair, forcing a tight, insincere smile. Something was different in her eyes suddenly. Fear, maybe? Regret? When he nodded she said, "Go get me my phone, okay? It's on the kitchen table right next to my purse."

Eren ran off immediately and retrieved the device from the table before immediately returning to her. She'd cleaned up the bathroom and was on her way out when he handed it to her. She smiled again, placed a kiss on his head, and shuffled toward her room. "Go ahead and get yourself a snack, okay? I'm gonna lie down for a while," she called back to him as she was busy unlocking the phone and dialing a number.

Eren heard only three beeps of the keypad. He didn't move to get a snack, only watched as she moved into her room and nudged the door shut, though it didn't latch. He stared and stared at it, and eventually his mother spoke. From the thick sound of her voice, he could tell she was crying.

Her voice was hushed, though, as she spoke into the phone, not allowing Eren to pick up on what she was saying. He thought about moving closer to the door, but he was taught a long time ago about how wrong that was. So he stayed put until he heard the sound of her phone being set on her night table. He then tiptoed to the door and pushed it open a bit. His mother was curled up on her bed, shaking with silent sobs. It broke his heart to see her the way she was, and he couldn't make sense of anything that was happening.