At age 4 I took a vow on all I knew to be different from two older sisters, one of them being incredibly smart, and the other a person who lights up the world around her.
They were gifted something great and I was worried I wouldn't get that magical gift too. So, I tried so hard to be different, finding it too difficult to be like them, that I just went right in the middle.
I got ninety fives on report cards. I was shy only around people I didn't know. I was not like them.
But I was not myself either.
About age seven my friend decided to play t-ball and I decided to do it with her. I was young, so I don't remember much, but I do remember breaking into tears on the first practice because I wasn't the best and my sisters were.
Season ended and next I tried soccer. Again, I broke into tears because my sisters were great at soccer.
After that ended, volleyball. And again. I started crying.
Then, was basketball. I had always wanted to do basketball because it would make look tough, and that was part of that little mask of composure I had.
First practice started and... No tears. I was so caught up in getting to know those people who were so nice and forgiving, that always had a smile on their face, that I forgot I wasn't the best. And that I wasn't my sisters. And it was great.
But, basketball season ended and eventually thoughts of not being good enough crept back into my mind.
On a recent math test I had to go over it and correct it and throughout the whole thing I thought 'Your sisters would never fail a math test.' And I broke into tears yet again.
I was late to my next class, band, and one of my fellow band mates was having a bad day so he picked on me unknowing of what had happened.
But whatever, that doesn't matter.
What does matter is that today was my schools basketball tryouts and stress was piling on me more then I could bear it.
But I didn't cry.
Instead I thought 'I am doing this for me.' Everything I did that day was for me. Not to prove anything to anybody else but to show who I was and that it didn't matter what you thought because, and as selfish as this sounds, all I cared about was me.
And that's why whenever PhoenixGirl1288 commented on the story I made to enter her contest, not just for her but for me, I cried.
That's why I can't thank Phoenixgirl enough for making me one of the winners of her contest.
That's why I now do everything I do with confidence, for me.
That's why I made the basketball team.
That's why I'm one of the best of my instrument in the band.
And that's why I will not hesitate to click that publish button because I write this for me.
And that's why everything I say is for me. Whether to laugh at or to smile at or to love.
Thank you for reading.
Jaa ne!
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That's only cool thing that has happened in my life. Okay so I skipped over some things but... They don't really matter for this story. But seriously, See y'all later! (I'm a Texan, what do you expect?)
