So it's my birthday! And I was going to post this cute, reflecting back on old, shitty times, but that's not going to happen.
So me, my mom, and my dad are sitting at the table, finishing dinner, and we get on the topic of the Bishops Ball.
The Bishops Ball, that's actually a dance, is where all of the church's in our dioceses meet up to dance and socialize. Which I can do.
And, I wanted to go to see friends and really just have a little bit of silliness which friends that are trying to kill me.
On the topic of the Bishops Ball, I prepared to do something hella scary.
I was going to ask my mom if I could wear a tux to the dance instead of dress.
But I wasn't nervous, my mom usually tries to be as accepting as possible, so I knew what to say and all shit.
OMI WHEN I TYPED ALL THAT SHIT IT CORRECTED TO ALL THAT GAY SHIT.
So I said,"Could I wear my tuxedo button up and some slacks?"
And I backed it up with reasoning, like,
-to try it out
-for fun
-for the experience
-because I want to
And she thought deeply about it while I said this, and I was still confident that she would say yes.
But guess what?
MOTHER FUCKING PLOT TWIST.
(pun not intended)
She said no, because she thought with my hair short I would like boy.
My world was practically crashing down before my eyes.
My mom, of all people, my mom, thinks I look to much like a boy.
Let me tell you story.
There's a park within walking distance of my house and when I was about 9-ish, I went and meant two boys.
One boy was black, with his hair cut short, and the other boy was white and long blonde hair that touched his shoulders. And, being the shy, timid, kid I was, misgendered him for a girl.
He said it was okay, and that people said that all the time.
But it wasn't okay to me.
How dare assume a boys gender like that? And because his hair was long?
I thought that people could have long or short hair and were still who they were, appearance didn't matter, it was who they were that mattered.
I was disgusted with my self, that was horrible to me, doing something like that.
And guess what?
My mom, on my mother fucking birthday, on touchy, important subject, told me that my appearance matters too much.
I'm not changing.
I'm being who I am.
And if in five years I don't feel
non-binary anymore, then okay.
But never, never, in my life have I ever felt so happy.
So what the fuck?
Why?
I shook it off, acted like it didn't matter, laughed said,"Okay," and left at that while my dad changed the subject.
But that is the problem, no matter how much I persisted there, I was even begging, I couldn't tell them everything.
I'm thirteen now, I'm a teenager! I can earn respect a little easier now!
So why can't I just do it?
(hehe, ded memes)
Because she said no, so what would she say when I told her everything.
Ugh.
On my birthday.
Well, today was good nonetheless.
558 words.
