(S)olitude

27

May 27, 2078 (12:17)

I'm out of the atmosphere. At least, they sent me a last message to tell me that I was. I look out the window. It's so real.

It is like a dream...
Or a nightmare.

The controls were on auto pilot and I had no clock to tell me what time it was. I would return when I returned. That's what they told me. They did this so a year would feel like eternity. Well, they didn't tell me this, but it feels more or less like a hidden message.

They gave me equipment and zero gravity tests. They gave me books and movies. They gave me old cassette tapes. Vintage. Maybe something made to comfort me. They're failing.

I take the forks from the dining table and place them on the table one by one. Then I walk into the zero gravity room and take the forks with me. I lay on my back and watch the forks fly above my face. I laugh. Zero gravity simulators were not as amusing as this. The forks spin in a spiral above my face and I attempt to place them in rows. They fold backwards and fly across the room. I turn them into a chandelier with spoons and knives . Plastic knives.

I spin around and then I realize that a year of this could get annoying. Or worse boring. I should savor it.

"Collins? Could you ple....."

Oh, that's right. My butler isn't here. I'm in space. I laugh. This will take some getting used to. The perks of being a multi-billionaire really were gone. I'm as used to eating out of a plastic bag as I am not showering everyday.

My shirt is simple and I have no shoes on.
This was about what I knew until my early twenties. Then... everything changed for the better.

I was out in the street. Walking to my 9-5 job in a cubicle. I hated it. I hated my stupid male co-workers. I spent most of my job avoiding them. Staying an extra hour after work and buying my own printer just to avoid them. It was almost embarrassing. I had no money for college and this was my only option. To be honest, I was thankful. I got enough money from this job to live in a decent apartment. I wanted more out of life but, I was surviving, I guess. But, It wasn't living.

My job was average, my life was average, and I was average. Then one night, I had a feeling that I should go to a bar. I was normally anti-social but, I thought my life maybe could use a little change of routine.

I had no idea what was going to happen that day. There stood a celebrity who I didn't know that I sat next to. He was drunk as a bum, and he definitely looked like he was trying to drink some pain away. I looked at him from across the room, feeling a lot of guilt for a poor man who everyone was paying no mind to. So I sat next to him.

Dead silence. He's staring at the bar table with what looks like a gross mix of vodka and something...else. He was wearing a fedora and a pair of sunglasses as black as midnight. It was one of those situations where you didn't know what to do. I wanted to grab him firmly by the shoulder and cry with him. It was so much.

He turns his head as if he had just noticed me. Then looks at me with the most ultimate pathetic glare. Then, before I could say a word

"Wooosh....crash!"

He fell down the chair, his shot glass cascading down and shattering on the shining floor. I looked at him in shock. Was he dead? I didn't know!

"Is this your date?" says the bus boy who cleans up the glass beside the fallen man, as if this happened everyday.

"Umm....." I take two glances at the man. Geez, I had to sit by him right as he fainted.

"Yes, he is"

"Then take him home, will you? I thought he'd never stop ordering rounds."

"Alright."

The bartender, who was about my age helped me put him in my car. I drove home awkwardly, praying that he wouldn't wake up.

When I got home, I put all my prized possessions in a cabinet and locked it. After all, I had no idea who this guy was.

I placed him on my couch, took off his shoes and sunglasses and placed a blanket on him. I decided to wake up early just in case the rules of waking up late when having a hangover don't apply to this man.

I looked at him for a while, with so much curiosity. I guess, It kinda took me over. I almost reached over to his wallet, just one peek and I'd know who he was and I wanted to know.

Of course I'm curious, in those days and even now, I had and have a habit of wanting to know everything. Every detail. Not just why something was done, but how.

I had to know how he got there. Rock bottom.

I was inches away from it my self. All I wanted was to correct his mistakes so I could right my wrongs.

The next morning I woke up and there he was, sitting on the edge of the couch. With the same blank stare he had at the bar. I started over to him.

"I know what you're thinking."

I stopped. He was still looking at my discount coffee table.

"He's Pathetic."

Oh no. I had upset him. Some how.

"No, no no no noooo. I-I don't feel that way. Can I get you anything sir? I just wanted to make sure you didn't spend the night on the bar floor. Please....ummm....let me get you something."

He laughed.

"The bar floor? I'm a drunk man. You chose me over your chances of being safe, with a drunk man? So, I wouldn't have to sleep on the bar floor?"

Silence.

"Do you know who I am?"

"No."

"Really? Seen any movies."

"I don't really like films."

"Oh, do you? How about country music?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"I'm Howard Chenwood. I'm still on top charts in western music in the U.S. I've been in two intergalactic movies and a couple broadway plays."

"You're hungover. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Do I?"

Little did I know he wasn't lying.

One knife flies in front of me. Collins....
One stone. I turn it in my hand and let it go. Howard.... All the right people I met at the right time. Both the only people I'm close to in this world.

Well, I guess now in space, I'm about as far away from them as I can be. I was like Batman missing my Alfred and Bonnie missing my Clyde. All over again, I realized how little I knew about the both of them, and yet how much I miss them.

No cameras were watching me. No people are studying me now. For right now, I'm just a girl floating in space. All alone. Without my fans and the world and the two people I need more than anyone.

I'm all alone.