(S)olitude

21

June 21, 2078 (1:23)

What time is it? I don't know. It feels cold, that's what I know.

I've been trying to build things. No, not literal things, things in my mind. Things to do and see. Things to do about me. Things to do about my situation. Things to do when I get out of here.

Building a story. I could. I don't know where they put the pencils, so maybe not. I could write letters. No, no. Of course it wouldn't go anywhere.

I feel something. I know it's not boredom. It must be something more meaningful. It has to be. I know I have a purpose.

The past month has made me less bored and more...sad. You could say that. A little more pathetic I think. Now I know why they send people into space with other people, or at least communication.

Or a sign.

"Hello? Please, I'm smart enough to know your watching me! I've figured it out!"

I tell looking for a crevice, a hidden corner. Some sign of a camera.

Advanced technology, I think. In 2078, we have almost microscopic cameras. For all I know, it could be a crumb under my freakin floating table.

Sarcasm, I don't have a table.

If I can't find that, I might find a clue, but I can't focus. There are thoughts pounding on the inside of my head.

With this new found feeling, comes a pain.

I have all the time in the world to think about everything that's happened to me, and everything that will be. My head hurts.

No pills or medication. I guess they don't want me doing anything stupid. The irony of them not allowing me meds.

My fourth year of school was the worst of them all. I knew it was almost time to leave the dumb school and start my life. College was hard.

Howard made me double major. Twice.

"I know you don't see yourself as a school kid but, look what you've done! You're studying law, architecture, science...you're doing the impossible!

"Yeah, and if you didn't notice, maybe it's a little too much, Howard."

"I only make you do It because you're a genius, kid. And one day you'll be a star! I promise. I see a big future for you."

"You're right Howard."

He was right more then I was.

So I worked. And worked. And worked just to make him proud.

Money was his idol. Despite all of the times he said his idol was me.

My head still hurts, so I decide to get some water. Anything, at this point could help I guess.

I try to turn on my tv and be distracted. All of the sudden it shuts off.

"What?"

A message is on the tv. I crawl toward it. The first message I've seen from anyone since I started.

"Dr. Solum. We said no human interaction. That includes bad sitcom actors."

Hmmm... I had not even turned on the tv since I got here. It's possible that they had this rigged already. But, that makes no sense. They gave me these shows. They said it would help me cope. Maybe they're playing with me.

Like I'm some sick doll in an intergalactic doll house. Real funny.

Books? I opened one. The strangest thing was written there. On every page. The entire page was painted black and then in white marker over the paint it read,

"I'm sorry Dr. Solum. I guess you must wait."

Things were getting creepy. But, it was just another move by those ten year old little girls who apparently work for NASA, having fun using me as a Barbie.

Maybe they're going to wait for me to implode. Or go crazy. Then when I get back on Earth, they'll play it back to the world. Telling them how crazy I acted. Then I'll never sell a book.

Why am I acting silly? They don't want anything from me. I'm not the enemy.

They're just running a stupid test.
But, it's not stupid, really.

They thought, "Out of all the people of the world, who could spend a year in space alone? I know! The genius billionaire, how about her?"

If I can't do it, I bet they'll think no one can. Maybe that's why I have to keep moving. Just so other people know that I'm not special. That way they'll test a third grade student and they'll pass even better then me and then the world will leave me alone.

Then I guess I would be satisfied. Maybe they know. Do they? They couldn't know that I hate being famous. Maybe they want to help me by making me look bad. Or maybe they just wand to make me look bad.

Geez, if I only had Collins to tell this to right now. He would laugh and say I'm acting ridiculous. I must be.

As much as Howard is right about things, Collins is always right.