(S)olitude

26

July 26, 2078 (12:34)

Wow, so life is hitting me hard. Very hard. I've engraved my name into the side of the ship after going into space for the 200th time to just float around. They designed the tether to never let me see earth. Since the moment I launched I was never going to see it again. My life ended their and my existence started here. But, how?

That's what I spent the last month thinking. I've come to terms with the fact that no one is watching me. But, maybe they are worried. I think about that and hope my fans don't forget me.

My first fan was a five year old. She was Howard's daughter. After my "big break" and Howard started funding schooling for me, It was found that Howard had done a lot more than get wasted the week I found him.

A woman showed up with a baby on his doorstep halfway into my first semester. She claimed that he was the father, though I seriously doubt he remembers anything about her. Then she committed suicide three days later. Apparently knowing that her baby had a parent was her only wish.

It was later found that she was a prostitute. Howard almost got arrested for that, but quit and got a steady job months before she met him.

The baby was never named. And Howard wanted me to (get this) study her. I ended up raising her. They never gave her a name, but in secret I called her Lorelai. I told her that one day I'd be famous, and I would buy her a castle to live in. She believed it, until the day she turned 10.

Howard never really liked her. She had mental health issues and wasn't the brightest in school despite me "studying" her. Before you know it, her basic rights were taken away. But, I knew she was human. Ever since she was five she loved me and I loved her.

They took her away to be used as a medical placebo for a medicine to cure her mental illness. She had an allergic reaction to the placebo. And I haven't seen her since.

I don't know if she's dead or taken away by child services. And I hope for her sake she isn't still with Howard. However, I miss her. Floating carrots of the day don't make me any happier than I already am. They spin through the pure oxygen like memories through my head.

Here's the thing about my current environment. They told me nothing about it. But, when I got in, I noticed something. Pure oxygen filled even the anti-gravity rooms. I was confused. In fact I spent a decent amount of time wondering why.

Then it clicked. I found out by counting the minutes with a homemade metronome. With all the time I had why not spend a day doing that. And then I knew. I was awake for 17 hours a day. I couldn't fall asleep because of the oxygen.

They do this is casinos. To keep the people awake to spend more money and buy more drinks. It's like a 24-7 yawn.

And I knew, this was true. The smell in the air. The way my eyes bugged out of my head but, they still had bags underneath them. I studied myself in the mirror and judged that my body could not take it for much longer.

They were draining me. I knew that this study was long awaited. They must have known that I wouldn't die. They promised that my course was safe and that I would be 99% safe. But, what if my greatest danger was them? They had no reason to do this.

I'll sue them when I get home. I'm not their pet. I don't say that aloud just in case they really are listening.

I lay in my bed in the fake gravity room and pray that I can fall asleep. I go to bed early every night just in case they really did not have plans for how this oxygen affects my health. I'll just have to spend more time trying to sleep.

Great. Not that I have anything better to do with my time. For God's sake I spend the last month creating new fonts to draw my name on the side of the wall with. The wood of my bed board has about twenty different versions of my most hated font "comic sans". But, I drew the names anyway.